PinkRibbon Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I finally found out why my stbx has been going to the doctor so much since we split up. Since I moved out the 6th of OCtober and the end of January he has gone to the doctor 11 times. I was really wondering if I should be checked for some STD. I honestly figured though he had a severe sinus infection. He was always getting a sinus infection. Well he dropped off the local dr radar so I had no idea what was going on with him this month. A girlfriend of mine from work who knows my husband and is dying to find out what is going on sent him an email saying Hi what's up just wanted to see how you are doing. (They haven't talked since about 5 or 6 months before him and I split up.) He emailed back saying he was doing ok (his exact words) BUT blah blah blah blah. He has nerve degeneration in his right arm. He has lost 50% of the feeling from his shoulder to his fingertips and they are more than likely going to have to do surgery to try and repair his arm. And as of the email Friday he was getting ready to go again to the dr. He is going to a specialist so that is why I didn't know anything this month. Ok my friend says he asked her about her and her husband and kids and she said that was it. Now if a close friend of my husband's emailed me and asked me how I was doing I would lie my butt off big time. I would be hanging the moon and painting the stars. There would be no way I would tell him that I wasn't doing well. I would be doing just "awesome" and "wonderful" not just ok. And did he honestly think she wouldn't tell me this??????? That I don't understand??? Did he think she would keep something like that secret?????? Later today I was thinking about his arm. And I realized he can't ride his motorcycle like that. So I have been spinning for the last 5 months these big motorcycle trips in my head about him and whomever and there are no motorcycle trips, there is no frisbee golf games, there is no fishing, there is no Everquest marathons, there is no partying and there is definately no doing what "men do". He is right handed and he can't be doing to terribly much strenous or active. Like a ton of bricks I realized that yes he may be glad he is not with me anymore but the grass is definately not any greener over there. Right now it looks to me like the grass is pretty painful to mow. I didn't even feel sad or bad for him. I was a bit sad that he doesn't think enough of me to tell me but not sad that he is going through this. And I don't even feel like contacting him to ask him if he is ok or needs anything. He always had a lot of back problems and I would rub the bengay and massager on his back. When his shoulder would hurt after the accident I would rub heating stuff on it. I mentioned several times since his back had gotten so bad that if the time ever came that he couldn't work that it would be fine that I would get 2 jobs if I had to and still take care of him. Not now. Let his 20 something take care of him. Honestly what 20 something was a man who is 38 that has a bad back and now his arm is messed up and who knows what from. Degenerative nerve loss doesn't mean it gets better. Would you have contacted me to let me know? Would you have told my friend you were feeling bad??? Lot of things to ponder for me....
Curmudgeon Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Would you have contacted me to let me know? Would you have told my friend you were feeling bad??? Lot of things to ponder for me.... For one thing, I have all adult children so word of any serious ailment would likely find its way back to the ex eventually, just like the fact that she was run over by a car several months ago and 1,200 miles away got back to me immediately. However, I would not contact the ex directly. I've neither seen nor spoken to her for going on five years and that's just fine with me and, obviously, with her as well. I would, however, most certainly apprise her of any serious matter concerning one of our five xchildren (all adults) because most of mthem don't want to be in touch with her. But I also know she wouldn't do the same if she became aware of something. She'd prefer I be kept in the dark. I don't ponder at all. We're divorced. We have been for going on 14 years. I owe her nothing, and visa-versa. That's what she wanted (after cleaning me out). That's what she has. She's on her own!
Jordane Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I don't see where the problem is. Why would he contact you? You're not together anymore. He isn't going to try to bring you back in his life for support... ...I understand your confusion because you are used to him wanting to tell YOU everything but right now he's pretty close to being just any regular Joe Schmoe out in the world. I don't see anything that you need to ponder, I think you are thinking/over-analyzing this way more than he did when he told your friend.
lovelorcet Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Maybe I am wrong but I feel it sounds like you are hurt that he didn't tell you and now you are saying that you don't care out of spitefulness. I would be devastated if something awful were to happen to my ex. That was someone I loved and shared my life with of over 10 years. I don't see anything wrong with caring.
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I figure he left you and hooked up with another woman. I think he simply didn't feel like contacting you for whatever reason or if he did communicate with you, he didn't feel it was necessary to tell you about his arm (maybe because he thought you would be glad that he is "defective" now?) I am not surprised that he told your friend. I don't even see the big deal. You said you would lie, but not all people are willing to lie. Of course he knew that your friend would transmit the information and of course, he knew that YOU asked your friend to email him. So he did tell YOU about his arm eventually - through your friend.
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