atc2410 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I received a text yesterday from ex girlfriend who broke off an almost 2 year live-in relationship 4 months ago. She left a good relationship to explore life as a single person which is understandable for a girl in her early 20s. We had been NC for 2 months bar a brief exchange that ended with us reaffirming space/nc. We are on good terms. Text asked how things were with me and mentioned she was looking at a house in a street she remembered I once lived in. We ended up having a brief text catchup/conversation. It was polite and upbeat. While it was written to come across casually it is significant that she would contact me out of the blue and convey she was moving out of the house she moved into when she left our shared apartment. During our catch up convo she said her leaving was a long and interesting story. I didn't ask her to elaborate. The last time we'd been in contact previously we reaffirmed space/nc as mentioned. I said it was necessary so when our paths cross again we won't have any relationship baggage weighing us down and we'll have a chance at being real friends. To contact me now seems strange. But then she wouldn't know what I've gone through as the dumpee because she's young and selfish. Could it just be she misses me at the moment and just wanted to touch base? Is it innocent or is their something else? Convo ended with her saying things seem exciting with me (am changing jobs at the moment) and to have fun. I haven't responded to that one because it asks no questions unlike the previous msgs. I'm trying not to overanalyse but it's understanably thought provoking see the name of the person you've agonised over for months suddenly appear on your phone. Is the best course of action from here to not pursue anything more regardless of my desired outcome be it friendship, relationship renewal or merely moving on? It's hard to isolate what I want as I am still in love with her. Any advice/insight appreciated, thanks.
tonyeltiger Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I think sticking with NC sounds like the plan to go with here. If she wants to talk, she'll call. Other than that (whether actually true or not) you couldn't care les if she continues talking or not. She seemed to be trying to make you ask her why she was moving. I wouldn't pursue it. If she wants to be with you, she'll call. On another note, what's up with the weekends? Seems like that's when people always break NC. Last 2 posts have been dumpers calling their dumpees. Single weekends/new fling aren't all they're cracked up to be eh? I hope one of these days I get a call ; ;
paladin1 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Perhaps it is meaningful; perhaps not. It's difficult to tell from a quick back-and-forth text conversation. My personal opinion is to keep up the NC...for a couple of reasons. At this point, the fact that you responded to her texts showed her that you were at least interested in continuing/starting a dialog. Leave the ball in her court. You said the texts were conversational...perfect! Now see what she does with it. She will make her intentions clear. If it was simply to see how you were, it may go no further than those texts. If it is more, well...she knows that you are willing to talk to her so now she can feel more comfortable calling you. Then see what she has to say; if it is not acceptable to you back to NC. Let her make the next move.
Author atc2410 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Thanks for the replies. Of course minimal contact is best as I've read countless times. Still there's that nagging instinct to follow up, thinking what if my indifference will be construed as non-interest, etc. Too many thoughts. I miss her.
CaliGuy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 What benefit is it to you to be friends with her? What can she give you as a friend that no other friend can offer you? My guess is nothing. You're a 1000 times better off not responding to her at all. Move on with your life (not backwards) so that you have an opportunity to meet the right person for you. Cheers.
Author atc2410 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 You are right Caliguy and that is what I'm trying to do. If I could switch my feelings off for her I would and I do my best to put them as far in the background as I can but they immediately rush back into the picture if she contacts me. In my instance I understand why she left. In relationships since 19, now 23 and just needing to be a free agent. Hell if I was counselling her as a friend I'd advise the same. That's why I wonder if this message is her keeping in touch with the relationship or perhaps inviting more contact from me because she misses me. Of course it may just be pure friendship because as I've said we had a good relationship and there's no reason why she would not want to be friendly with me.
bejshermanoaks Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 if you are still into her, why keep going NC after she contacted you? I thought NC is good if they are not showing signs of interest in you..I dont know seems to me she reached out, and I would reach back out to her if you still want her.
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