sintheta Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Hello everyone, I am an 18 year-old finishing up my last year of high school (less than 100 days away from graduation.) I've been very sad and depressed lately because I think I'm in love with a teacher in my school. He doesn't teach me but he is my student government advisor, so we see each other quite a lot and have become quite close. I've been attracted to him since the first day of school freshmen year but didn't fall in love with him until junior year when we started working together. He is not only extremely attractive (in my opinion), young looking (he is often mistaken to be a student), intelligent and generally well-liked, but also an incredible mentor. Of course, I realized that a romantic relationship is not possible. He is my teacher... He also does not seem to be interested in men or women or sex in general as I believe he is a virgin. He is very traditional and moral and I doubt that he would ever consider dating someone so much younger. He respects and appreciates me a lot as a student but not really as a friend. There have been rumors around that I'm infatuated with him but people dismiss it as a joke - I do not give hints or flirt with him in person because I, too, want to maintain a professional relationship. However, it breaks my heart knowing that I wont see him after graduation because i live very VERY far away. Although I am going off to a great college and have a seemingly bright future, I feel lost and empty because I cannot imagine a future without him. People advise me to get over him, but thats easier said than done. I guess love just makes you foolish and irrational... what should I do? I feel tempted to let him know how I feel after graduation - even if it's rejection it'd make me feel a lot better, but I don't want to make things awkward afterwards. Your advice will be much appreciated! I've only told a few of my friends but most of them don't understand how I feel because they're in stage where they just want to hook up and have fun.
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 He also does not seem to be interested in men or women or sex in general as I believe he is a virgin. He is very traditional and moral You can't possibly know this. He might be in a long-term relationship. Virgins are not necessarily moral and people who are not virgins are not immoral. I doubt that he would ever consider dating someone so much younger. I wouldn't be so sure about this. He might be interested. I feel tempted to let him know how I feel after graduation - even if it's rejection it'd make me feel a lot better, but I don't want to make things awkward afterwards.There is no reason why you shouldn't let him know, especially since it sounds like you will never see him again after graduation. How will things get awkward? What things? If you think you will feel better if you let him know how you feel then do it, no sooner than in the last week of school. Write him an email expressing your interest without too much drama (Dear X, I enjoyed our cooperation immensely and wondered if we could get together for lunch at ZY restaurant this weekend. Look forward to your reply). If you flat out tell him you like him, he will likely reject you. Inviting him for lunch to a place nicer than McDonald's and outside the school's ambiance is suggestive enough for him to get the picture. If he says NO, you'll never be compromised. If he says YES, he is either naive or wants you. What if he is dreaming of you, too? You're 18 and he is twenty-something. Maybe he is the one. If he is not, at least you will know and move on. Now let me tell you my honest opinion: he is not a little angel. Nobody is. Chances are, if he knew that you're interested, he'd gladly use the opportunity to have sex with you once or twice before you leave the town. You might get burnt and lose your virginity with the wrong guy. I had a friend in college who was 29 and fell in love with our marketing professor who was 42. He lived with a woman and had a baby with her. My friend hoped that he was Mr. Right and he would marry her, but she ended up being used for sex and then forgotten by him. Be careful!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 You're 18 and in love with your teacher advisor. At least you're legal. Normally I do not consent a student falling in love with their teachers ( think of the scandal), but in your case, since you're graduating I think that you should take the chance to express your feelings to him. Better to get rejected than living the rest of your life regreting. Would you prefer to do it face to face or through something less confrontational? I'd prefer a letter. It shows you've put alot of effort into the thought process. Tell him how you feel, and write down a place to meet up outside of school should he wish to reciprocate your feelings. Good luck.
Jilly Bean Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Just because he doesn't discuss his sex life or romantic involvements with you, does not means he's a virgin, or not interested in romance. It means he's PROFESSIONAL. I would venture to say that even being legal wont change things for him. Any teacher who cares about his career DOES NOT start dating former students when they graduate, and I think he falls into this category. I had a MAD crush on my law teacher senior year. Whatta babe. I remember telling him on graduation day that I was turning 18 in two days and I would then be legal. Sure, it was fun to watch him stammer, but even then I knew it was JUST a crush, and not something I ever wanted to materialize. Sometimes the fantasy of someone is far better than the reality... Go off to college and have a good time. He will pass into a nice memory...
Jordane Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I do agree that often fantasies are better than the reality. You might just be attracted to him because he is cute, in a position of power, and probably quite unattainable. If you really want to tell him go for it, but if I were you I would brace for a "no, thank you."
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I don't think you should tell him. He will only hurt your feelings and the whole thing is better left as a fantasy. Trust me, sometimes it's much nicer not to know. If you do tell him he will either a) reject you in a polite but firm way or b) use you for sex for a few weeks. Any decent men with morals and who is serious about his career won't date a student, even the former student. It would still look VERY bad. Also another tip about men. They generally don't do platonic-love-from-a-distance thing. While women can build all kinds of fairytale romantic fantasies, men's fantasies extend do "Yeah, I wouldn't mind hitting that doggy style on my desk". That's just how it is.
Green Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 It would be a bad idea for him to date a former student. Although if I were a high school teacher it sure would be an ego boost to get love letters from all the graduating senior girls. By the way are you hot?
Geishawhelk Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 KTM, what a question! What's that got to do with anything?
Green Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 KTM, what a question! What's that got to do with anything? Well first off if she doesn't think shes good looking she might have esteem issues or something might explain why shes going after the teacher. But mostly it was just for me, I was wondering if she was some really good looking chick or below average, just out of curiousity. I realize all types of girls probably develop crush's on there teachers
Geishawhelk Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 'below average'.... Wow, you sure do have a pretty way with words...! As if a lady is going to say, "Oh yes, I'm below average....! I think you need a reality check, KTM..... That, or to get out more!
Green Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 your not a man. The guys on here apreciate my question
carhill Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 your not a man. The guys on here apreciate my question Which two of those would that be? OP, what would you do if he said "yes"? How have your interactions with boys of your own age been?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Don't mind KMT. OP, I think it's important for you to think about why you're having a crush on your teacher. You said he's not attractive, but is very outgoing with his students. Does that not say that he's just trying to win the students approval by trying to portray himself off as someone who understands their feelings? Remember being 18 does not necessary make you grown up any more grown up than the adults are. It just means that you should be aware of your actions and decisions in the long run. Rethink about your longterm goals, and how this guy fits into it. It might just be a childish crush to begin with.
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