Author OfTheGood Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Tony, Thanks for your fast response...it does seem like such a thin line. I'd love to see her again, like maybe to set something up for coffee. However I feel not too confident in it right NOW. I just think this whole matter needs some more time to bake. If she called again I would definitely oblige. I am ready to move forward with a reconciliation if its in the cards. I don't question my abilities in asking, I just think that if she didn't want to meet, it would set me back in some manner. -O
btc8 Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Sorry for not being on in a few days...but things have been nuts here with work, and all. I wanted to give you guys an update. Now, I called the next day she called me; I couldn't answer the phone-some of the reason was part shock, some of it was part logic. I really wanted to be cool, collected, AND on my toes for when the moment was right. It had been a week since I had gotten a call from the ex, and with work being what i was, it was easy to slip back into NC. I figured I'd stay there, even though my emotions were running higher than usual as a result of the call she made to me. A week goes by and this evening....BRRRRIIINNNGGG. Its her again. I've deleted her number, and I'm just waking up from a nap, so it takes me a second to realize it's her. When I came to a few seconds later, I answered it...and so it played out. All of the things I learned on here (LS) came into play: inflection, ending the call first, how to respond to when she asks how I am. All of it. And for a grade: I give myself a 95. The call was about 15 minutes. A bit longer than what I wanted to spend on the call, but conversation was absolutely flowing. She apologized for not returning my call sooner, as she was stricken with FLU, and then had to go out of town for work herself. We spoke about work, some miscellaneous items, and I asked her about her Mom and how her cancer was. On the phone, things seemed great, and very fluid-and I cannot wait to talk to her again. I have remained in STRICT NC, and this is the second time she's called me. Problem is....what now? Takers? Just don't call her! Let her call you. Believe me, if she wants to talk to you, she will call you. But, I am a bit confused: What do you want out of this? What would you gain in talking to her more after you've maintained NC (which, I assume, has helped you tremendously in getting back to some form of normalcy)? Do you want to continue a friendship with her? Would this friendship help you in the long run, or would this friendship only result in you maintaining (or worse, strengthening) your feelings of longing for your ex? Ponder these questions for a while, and get back to us.
Author OfTheGood Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 BTC, You know what----these ARE VERY good questions you're asking. Since I'm going to bed...tell you what; I'll sleep on them and get back to you ASAP. Good food for thought. A friendship is something I'd like to avoid, if possible. My intentions are to use this renewed contact to somehow get my foot back in the door. -O
justaman99 Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Since she called you last it might be a good idea to wait a few days then pick up the phone and call her this time. Keep it cool. Talk to her like you did before. Don't speak about the relationship, don't say you've been thinking about her, nothing like that. Just do what you did, keep it short, then it's in her court. You can't just let her come after you time after time right? She probably wants to see a hint of effort on your part, just a hint.
dropdeadlegs Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 BTC, You know what----these ARE VERY good questions you're asking. Since I'm going to bed...tell you what; I'll sleep on them and get back to you ASAP. Good food for thought. A friendship is something I'd like to avoid, if possible. My intentions are to use this renewed contact to somehow get my foot back in the door. -O Since she called you last it might be a good idea to wait a few days then pick up the phone and call her this time. Keep it cool. Talk to her like you did before. Don't speak about the relationship, don't say you've been thinking about her, nothing like that. Just do what you did, keep it short, then it's in her court. You can't just let her come after you time after time right? She probably wants to see a hint of effort on your part, just a hint. Unless "sleeping on" things has changed your perspective, I agree with justaman. She has made contact twice, right? It's your turn, but as suggested don't bring up the relationship and keep the conversation flowing. I think contact is important if you are looking for relationship renewal, although NC has a way of bringing that about.
CaliGuy Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 "...now that I've seen Record Producer I'm no longer interested in whether you return my call or not." Awww she's a cutie eh?
Author OfTheGood Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Okay...I've made the descision to call her this week; most likely this Tuesday or Wednesday after work. Id like to ask her to meet me for a cup of coffee. Considering the last post, and my situation, do you think this is a good idea, or should I keep this an over-the-phone deal for now? I haven't seen her since the new year, however I am encouraged by our recent string of communication. When I call her (even if I do not meet her for coffee) I will keep it light and I will NOT bring up the relationship. ????
Author OfTheGood Posted March 14, 2008 Author Posted March 14, 2008 (edited) Damnit...Remember when I told you guys that I was meeting mutual friends of ours? Well, I met one of them last night and we had a wonderful conversation about ALOT of things over some pints. To make a long story short, one of the most intellectual, honest, and blunt persons on the planet (that I know), who has known her for 8 some-odd years, told me that she cannot see beyond her own universe. He told me that she can be very self-centered and selfish. He said that even though she has many redeeming qualities, he said I'm better off, and that I need to be with someone who will fight with me (as in fight for US). He also theorized (and I'm beginning to think this) that she is calling and trying to contact me in order to minimize the animosity of the breakup. IMO: Mature, but again selfish. He also said she's seeing (In some fashion or another) someone else. She's called as of last week, and we IM'ed each other as of a few days ago-with her initiating the conversations. As of this moment, I would like to get a cup of coffee with her, and tell her to stop contacting me. I cannot give her this "situation" anymore, considering the knowledge I have. I still love her and truly consider her to be the love of my life. I also believe that neither of us wanted this 100%. Do I believe in myself and fight or do I walk? Back to day 1. Help. Please? Edited March 14, 2008 by OfTheGood added more text
CaliGuy Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Bro, don't reply, don't IM her, don't contact her in any way, shape or form. If she contacts you, IGNORE IT and move on. She's toying with you. Yes, she's simply trying to mimize the guilt she is feeling but it can't be too much guilt if she's already seeing someone new. You gain NOTHING by being her friend. It will only serve to keep you down and delay the healing process. If she really wanted you, neither hell nor high water would keep her from finding you and saying the magic words (I love you, I screwed up bad and want to try again). Unless she says that in any of her initial conversations to you, then you have NO LOGICAL REASON to take any of her calls or IMs. Take up golf, scuba diving, snowboarding, jogging -- anything that will fill up your time. Hang out with friends, go work out every day and get buff. Buy some new clothes. Get a cool haircut. Go do something FOR YOU and forget about this woman. The sooner you do, the sooner Ms Right will come along.
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