paladin1 Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Hi all. Had to post again, my story is elsewhere but this weekend is going to be difficult. My ex, who began dating the new guy 2 days after she ended it, is now on vacation with him this weekend. At 21 days of NC. The hardest feeling in the world? Helplessness. For the past 21 days, I have felt like I am watching the remaining sands of our love and past relationship run through my hands...and there is nothing I can do about it. I know if I clench my hands; try to hold on...call, try to work things out,... I'll push her farther away. So I sit, I wait, and watch it trickle away bit by bit. I want to grab her, hold her close, tell her to look....look at our past, what we shared. Look at the future I saw, us together, the things I envisioned...can she not see this? See what we could be and what we were? I can't help picturing her happy; enjoying herself with him...sadly I've been blessed or cursed with a vivid imagination And part of me is joyful that she found happiness, or at least the illusion of it, so quickly after leaving...but it shatters me to think it is not with me. She was always fascinated by new and different things...and this guy is my complete opposite in every way... infatuation with his "newness"? or has she found something we were missing? I remember our vacations together, the things we did and shared. I miss her very much and wish I could tell her. Understand, this is the woman who ended it with an email... I've been basically NC since. And I sit by and helplessly watch it all drain away. Gonna be a tough weekend. Thanks for letting me vent, LS'ers.
s_n_d Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I know how you feel. My ex too, is with someone else. It hurts and with each passing day of NC, it gets better for me. Yesterday was a month of NC. It was excruciatingly hard and I ended up having a minor breakdown. Today has been terrible too. I dreamt of him last night and in this dream, we got back together. I was telling someone else on LS today that its ironic how a DREAM is a set-back during the NC process. Keep up the NC.Im hopeful that it will get better one day. A month of NC has worked wonders for me. Yet, I still have that fading hope that my ex and I will be together again one day. Time will tell, I guess.
tonyeltiger Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I know how you feel. My Ex also has a new guy. I also have quite an imagination, fueled by knowing my Ex so well. The only comfort I find is that she moves very slowly and cautiously, but that is of little comfort. If this guy plays his cards right and takes it slow, I'm sure that she could be with him. And meanwhile, I sit in NC while she forgets about me while focusing on her new boy. I don't know if ANY of this is true, but since I have experienced her love, I can pretty much picture it being transferred to anyone. Urrgghhh. I still pray every night and often through the day for her to return to me, and I've never been that religious! I feel your pain. NC, although good for healing, is not a tool for getting back together with someone. It's to improve yourself, make you more confident, and that confidence may attract your girl bach to you. But don't give yourself the illusion that NC WILL bring her back. I know it feels helpless, and I am having problems coping with it as well, but it's the truth I believe. (especially in my case where we live over an hour from each other, so NC seems to allow her to completely forget about me. But then again, if she does forget about me or never comes to love me again, would I really want to be with her? Logically no, but there's relationships for ya)
s_n_d Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Tony, I too pray several times a day and every night for him...for us... I feel so silly sometimes asking God to bring my ex and I back together because at the end of the day, Im sure he has his OWN plan for us all. I feel like Im slowly going insane though.
Letranger Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 How brutal! Good luck! I'd be hitting the bottle, but I don't recommend it.
Belkin Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I totally agree... A vivid imagination can be such a curse at times... Ugh Stay strong, you're one of the good guys, remember!
marlena Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Trust me, this is not the hardest feeling in the world. Not by a long shot. As much as it may hurt, you will survive. There are worse things that can happen to a person.. things you can't even begin to fathom, not even in your wildest imagination.
SarahT111 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Ahh I know how you feel! My ex started dating less than 24 hours after we broke up. It tore my heart to shreads! He wouldnt talk to me and moved on like I had never exsisted. He was totally happy with this new gf while I was an absolute wreck. It wished everyday he would come back or atleast miss me and show some emotion but he never did. I really look down at people who do this now. I understand that some people may want to move on quickly to fill that 'hole' but it is soooooooo disrespetful and heartbreaking for the one left behind. I have learnt a very very valuable lesson from loveshack and that is that I will never hurt someone by moving on asap and letting them find out about it. Its cruel and nasty and I could never do that to anyone. I would feel enough guilt breaking up with someone never mind rubbing another relationship in their face! I wish I could listen to my own words and realise that someone who does that is not good enough for me but yet I still love him and miss him so much Its been three months of hell and I would take him back at the drop of a hat! You are in an awful situation and I am REALLY sorry! Be selfish ok! Its all about you. Take care of your self because you are in a really heartbreaking and hard situation. keep posting
SarahT111 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 O and trust me the hardest feeling is when you have guilt involved aswell and believe its all your fault! On top of what your already going through that is one of the hardest feelings ... trust me
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 DREAM is a set-back during the NC process. Very true! When my ex-H dumped me, I would just start feeling better and then BOOM - a dream comes to ruin everything. The dream comes from our own minds so it only means we were fooling ourselves that we were doing better. I guess our own subconsciousness is our enemy? Bastard! Trust me, this is not the hardest feeling in the world. Not by a long shot. As much as it may hurt, you will survive. There are worse things that can happen to a person.. things you can't even begin to fathom, not even in your wildest imagination. Exactly! Love pain is part of life and it has its place in the big picture. If it weren't for (painful) breakups, we would never meet better people in our lives. When my ex dumped me, I was devastated, but I got over him in a year or two and achieved so much in life PRECISELY BECAUSE he dumped me. Start remembering the bad things about her, keep your mind busy and fantasize about someone new. Someone new WILL come. You will love and be loved again. I promise.
justaman99 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Strange. I just had a dream of my ex. I know she's dating a new guy after a couple weeks and you know what, it doesn't bother me. What bother's me is when that guy gets to see what I did and boom, hes running out the door. The difference between him and me is that I didn't run out the door, I stayed and tried to help her get through her anger belittling immature outbreaks. It was the end of us. But what hurts me the most is when she's a year older, alone again, sitting in her cold dark room, crying and wondering why, why she can't find or keep I should say a great man. That hurts me. She is an angel otherwise. Be well angel susita. The dream I had was 5 years in the future. I am sitting at a coffee house well, sippin coffee. She comes up from behind me and wraps her arms around my head and just envelopes me. She was so happy and smiling so happy to see me. I said ummm, no i gotta go. i have no interest in you and it felt right! -Christianito
RecordProducer Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I said ummm, no i gotta go. i have no interest in you and it felt right! You don't belong to the Dumpee Club! Cancel your membership!
Author paladin1 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 Thanks all; made it through the weekend and maintained NC. SarahT; understand the guilt thing as well. Look back, and see the things I did wrong and wonder if I had just understood more, or acted differently, if things could have been other than they were. Beginning to realize though, that despite the things I did, nothing justified the way she treated me in the end...the lack of honesty and respect were unjustified to someone who had always treated her with respect and honor. That, if nothing else, has given me some degree of freedom. Taking it one day at a time, and with the kind words of everyone that has responded to my posts and the words I have read in others, I, (and we), will all make it through our respective tough times. It is getting slowly better. Now the pain comes, and there are times I see something when driving and think "God, I have to tell her about this...she'll love it!" before the inevitable "oh wait..." hits. But it is no longer a constant ache; and I now only wonder what she is doing and thinking for HALF the day Thanks again, LS'ers, for helping me through that weekend.
Belkin Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 Way to go paladin! You're doing great, keep it up Sooner than you know you'll probably be thinking of her only 25% of the time, and then only once or twice per day, until you finally realize you've spent the whole day thinking about others
SarahT111 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Thanks all; made it through the weekend and maintained NC. SarahT; understand the guilt thing as well. Look back, and see the things I did wrong and wonder if I had just understood more, or acted differently, if things could have been other than they were. Beginning to realize though, that despite the things I did, nothing justified the way she treated me in the end...the lack of honesty and respect were unjustified to someone who had always treated her with respect and honor. Thanks for that! I agree, despite what I did nothing justifies how he treated me in the end! Yet I still miss him and want him back!!!! ahh
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