Issues & tissues Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 (edited) I'll start with some quick background facts: 1 Jan 2008 - ex broke up with me after being 10 years together. I was devastated. 1 Feb he moved out. Since that time, I have made a conscious effort not to contact him (i.e. being the one to initiate contact) although I have spoken to him on the rare occasions he has contacted me mostly about picking up his stuff from the apartment. He has taken most of his stuff with him except a few bits and bobs (nothing especially important but still his). We agreed to a couple of evenings earlier in the month when he could come by and pick up his stuff but he never showed up (no apology or even a call to say that he would not be coming). And on two occasions he left me down after I had cancelled plans to be with friends. So yesterday evening my ex called me again to ask if it would be fine for him to pop by in the morning to pick up the last (or so he says!) of his stuff. I knew that I would be free this morning but decided to tell him that I was busy as I had to go into the office for a few hours first thing on Saturday morning and suggested he come by one evening next week after work instead (hoping that he would not be able to as he often goes away on business during the week). He was polite and said he'd call back next week. As I put down the phone I suddenly began to feel thoroughly guilty for having lied to him. The truth be told, I really didn't feel like having him over this morning so that he could ruin the rest of my weekend. I have made so much progress since he left and I am afraid that seeing him again will be very difficult for me to handle. Speaking to him on the phone is one thing. Seeing him is completely another. I know that I can't keep putting him off for ever and that he will want his stuff back sooner or later. But I also know that I should no longer be at his beck and call. So why do I feel so bad? Edited March 1, 2008 by Issues & tissues
RecordProducer Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I don't know why you feel guilty and I don't think it's important. I just don't understand why he has to COME to your place to pick up his things. Can't you mail them to him or arrange for him to pick them up elsewhere? Next time when he says he'll come to pick them up, I'd tell him "The last time you ruined my plans and didn't show up. This time, I will put the things in front of the door at X o'clock and you pick them up whenever you want - if they are still there." Then I wouldn't open the door when he knocks. I'd answer without opening the door: "Sorry, I can't open, I am not dressed and not alone."
Author Issues & tissues Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 Then I wouldn't open the door when he knocks. I'd answer without opening the door: "Sorry, I can't open, I am not dressed and not alone." HA! I love it! Thanks for the
Author Issues & tissues Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 I don't know why you feel guilty and I don't think it's important. I just don't understand why he has to COME to your place to pick up his things. Can't you mail them to him or arrange for him to pick them up elsewhere? Thank you for the wake up call. I agree, I should not be worrying about how inconvenient this is for him! After all, he was definitely not at all concerned about lying to me or cheating on me when we were together and hurting my feelings or staying out weekends at a time not contacting me to let me know where he was or even if he was OK or leaving me at short notice and letting me pick up the bill for the expensive lease on our apartment, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera,
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