What is a woman to do?

[friendlygirl]

I met this man about a year ago... I'll change the names because I believe he posts on here from time to time so we'll call him Stanley.

 

When I met Stanley he was three months out of a really bad break up and wasn't wanting anything more than someone to date. I helped him through his hard time and we spent every day together for two months. I ended up getting pregnant and I kept the baby, although he didn't want me to.

 

We saw less and less of each other and by the 4th month we had stopped talking altogether. I left emails about the baby's doctor visits but he never replied. Two months later he did.... He told me that he was single but was dating someone and wanted to date me again.. so we did.

 

This went on for a couple months till I found out that he had lied to me and was in a relationship with this girl and to make a long story short I stopped talking to him again. Two to three weeks went by when I started getting text msgs. from some random guy saying he was trying to give advice to a friend who had really hurt someone he loved and wanted to know how to get her back...

 

I knew it was Stanley, but I played dumb and a week later he was on my front porch crying telling me that he missed me and my daughter and that he was going to leave the girl (we will call Chrystal). Stanley and I were in a relationship for two weeks when the ex girlfriend (who we'll call Melinda) came back into the picture wanting him back.

 

Stanley told me that no one could ever take him away from me and not to worry because he would never go back to Melinda after what she did to him. Two days later he came to me and told me that he just had to see where it would go with Melinda and that I could stick around if I wanted. Of course I told him off.

 

The first month or so of him going back he was sleeping with Chrystal behind Melinda's back and calling me telling me that he made a really big mistake and that nothing about Melinda had changed and she was having a hard time letting go of Jeffery (the boy she left Stanley for a year ago).

 

Stanley told me that he should have married me when he had the chance and that I am a wonderful woman and that I am the only woman in his life that has ever loved him for him and how he misses me and can't let me go....just everything he could think of.

 

O.K. that's the past story in a nut shell. Here is what's going on now. Chrystal has been gone now for a few months and after 6 months Melinda told Stanley that if he didn't cut me off completely she would leave him. Stanley let Melinda go and has been with me for the past week and a half.

 

We are not back together and I know all of you are going to reem me for seeing him but somewhere in this mess I fell in love with him. I have been seeing other people as well but none of them have this connection that Stanley and I have. Stanley and I blend on every level and neither one of us has ever had that before. There is also a bond there because of our 4-month old son, who is beautiful by the way and just now getting to know daddy.

 

I am having trouble in the trust department though and it upsets Stanley. You can't blame me. Look at what I went through with him already. He says he's not going back to Melinda, that he knows that it would never work between them, but he says it was a very hard decision for him to make because he did care about her, but he couldn't lose me.

 

He tells me he loves me in his sleep. I thought about all the possibilities trust me... low self esteem..do I want him because of something else? I've been on my own and I've been dating and I know what else is out there and that I have no problem meeting men.

 

I've gotten close to two of the guys that I was dating, but can't take it further than friendship level because I still want Stanley. Since he has been back in my life I stopped talking to everyone else - not for fear of losing Stanley, but because he is what I want and no one else matters.

 

What do I do? Where do I go from here? How do I get my trust back? I am a very understanding and forgiving person and I know that Melinda took him through hell and back and that his pain has a lot to do with all the back and forth stuff. I know that because of her he is scared to death of long-term relationships but it's there. I see it when he looks at me ... I feel it when he touches me.

 

Even family and friends have commented on it. How do I go about getting through this? I absolutely love this man and have and would do anything for him. Please help

Edited March 1, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Added Spacing for Readability

[xpaperxcutx]

Hon, a strong woman in my opinion would not have allowed herself to be put through the ordeals of having her emotions be played with. She would've went straight up the man and said, " Listen here, I'm the mother of your son, and whether you like it or not, I'm sick and tired of running around in circles. My feelings for you are genuine, but you cannot expect me to put my life on hold waiting around for you to figure out what you want in life".

 

Sorry that's a bit dramatic, but I can tell that you're a strong woman yourself having gone thru the whole ordeal of pregnancy and giving birth to another precious being. That says alot.

 

Don't put your life on hold for him. You know what you want: the best for you and your son. I understand that you feel Stanley is your everything and that no other man would ever complete you, but a man is not a true man until he's ready to fulfill his responsibilities. And it seems he's putting off on actually accomplishing that.

[carhill]

I'll assume paternity has been established and the father is aware of his rights and responsibilities. If not, I would make that job #1. I know all the drama is very intriguing, but there's a child now. Once he establishes his legal parental role, then discussion of a relationship can ensue.

 

That's my advice ...