melissa123 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Hey everyone I have had a crush on one guy since I was about 14 years old. I have been in love with this guy forever and have thought of no one else but him since I was about 14! He has a reputation as being a bit of a player and often jumps from girl to girl. He found out my feelings for him at about 16 but continued to date other girls. We were always good friends but He would only really talk to me when he wasn't dating another girl! Finally at 18 he asked me out! My dreams came true!!! For the first 4 months he continued his playing ways and went after his ex gfnds and even showed me the txts he sent trying to get them back! They rejected him so he stayed with me. This behaviour stoped after four months and we spent an amazing year together. I couldn't have been happier. My dreams came true and I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo in love with this guy. He treated me like a princess and we were inseperable!! We had a future all planned out and my life was absolutly perfect! Any trouble he used to have was gone and were were amazing together. Im not just saying this becasue I love him, we really were so in love and he treated me like a princess. Then trouble started His friends and family hated me despite my best efforts and picked on me endlessly. He didn't do anything to stop this and didn't stick up for me. I wasn't able to go to his house due to the tension so he had to always come to mine. My parents and friends were so polite and did everything for him but I got nothing in return. He almost seemed to enjoy people disliking me. So i got mad and became distant with him. I stopped saying I loved him as I was so confused with what was going on. I guess it was my way of fighting back (which is pathetic I know) I kept trying to solve it which meant alot of fights all brought on by me He kept telling me he loved me but I didnt return it But he is the man of my dreams so I still loved him I just didn't express it. He got frustrated with it (understandably) and started to go back to his old ways. He told me I treated him like dirt which really hurt He became txtn and emailing other girls again, sometimes with nasty comments about me. I became desperate and tried to keep things together but he dumped me saying I didn't show enough affection and he didn't love me anymore. He moved on and had another gf the next day and destroyed my life. He wont talk to me and is really cold when I try and get him to talk. He just laughs at me and acts like im pathetic. My life is an absolute wreck I cant eat or sleep. I cry every single day, all day long! I honestly want to die! I am in extreme physical pain everyday. I dont know what to do. My heart is torn to shreds! He is happy now with his new gf and couldn't care less about me He acts like I never exsisted and blames everything on me Every one says to move on and find someone else but I cant do that. I love this guy and have for years and years. I dont know how to like (never mine love) someone else and I dont want to! I hate myself sooo much! I had it all and now its all been torn away from me as I was distant and stopped expressing my love Now the love of my life is gone and I have nothing I know everything is all my fault and I feel absolutly awful I dont know what to do! I admit I stuffed up and he had every right to leave me and treat me like a pathetic little kid. So what do i do now?! I love him and I hate myself and always will. I had the man of my dreams and stuffed it all up :mad: I just don't know what to do anymore I dont want to live. Please help!
s_n_d Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Please dont beat yourself up over this...Your just going to make yourself crazy if you keep doing what your doing. Whats done is done and you cant take it back. If only we could, none of us would be unhappy. If its meant to be, itll work itself out. For now, I think you should let it be. I know how hard it is to just let something like this be. Trust me..I spent three months post breakup fighting for the relationship until I couldnt fight anymore. In that process of FIGHTING for the relationship, I ruined every chance of a possible reconciliation in the future. Stay strong.
BalancenLuv20 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I hate to say this, but the fact you knew this guy was continually a player for years before you even dated him should've put up a red flag. How do you know he wasn't cheating on you during your so called "year of perfection" together? I know as human beings we have a tendency to want things we can't have and he was the ultimate prize that you wanted so bad and finally got, but take this as a learning experience. YOU set yourself up for misery and disappointment, this guy knew he had your heart from day one and because of it he felt like he could get whatever he wanted out of you. He was on an ego trip and didn't really care too much about your feelings as long as you gave him what he wanted. So please have some self dignity for yourself, be strong, and realize that you deserve better. This guy sounds like a cocky tool and from now on you need to look at things from the big picture instead of just focusing in on the fact that you had a crush on him and were willing to put aside his awful, selfish, and demeaning ways to be with him. Take a deep breath, go out for a walk or something or surround yourself around other people and even read all the other posts on Loveshack about breakups and coping. It will put things in perspective and make you realize you are not the only one. Please don't treat yourself like this, it's not the end of the world and it sounds like a blessing this guy is out of your life and it will open the door to hopefully something or someone wonderful.
Author melissa123 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Thanks for your reply. I knew he was a player but I guess I thought it had stopped I know he has really deep feelings and I do believe he really loved me but I pushed him away I try of it as a blessing but how can I when I love him so much? And how can I be ok when he is out there with a new gril happier than ever and im a COMPLETE mess. How come he gets to be happy and I dont! Sure I wasn't perfect but I dont think I was this bad?! What really bugs me even more is that he really loves this new girl and has stopped all his playing round now He talkes to her up to everyone and she gets along really well with his friends and family I hate it that she has everything I want in the world and it all works out for her I keep hoping this is going to open the door to something wonderful but I honestly dont have the ability to love anyone else I just want him. There really is no one else that can match and I compare Will I be single and lonely forever?! I hate this
sedona Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) No, you won't be single and lonely for the rest of your life. Yes, you hate it. I hate it too, believe me. It'll take lots of time to heal, but you will get better. Do you have someone you can talk to? A support network? Friends who will listen to you, even though they've heard it all before? Maybe an older relative who you can talk to? A teacher, someone at school? A therapist? Reach out to other people, ask for help. Everyone has been through this, even though it might feel like you're the only one and things will never get better and you could never love someone else. In your first post, you said that you didn't want to live. I really hope that you were exaggerating. But it you think that you might really hurt yourself then you need to get help. Tell your parents what you're thinking so they know how serious it is. I know it seems like it's the end of the world, but it's not. You will find someone else to love who loves you, but you'll just pass each other by if you don't get over this. Really, really, really. Stop beating yourself up for what you did or didn't do or what could have been. Easier said than done, I know, but it only hurts you. Keep posting here if you think it helps. Keep yourself busy even if you don't want to. And talk to people about what you're going through! Edited February 29, 2008 by sedona
prideandcourage Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Let's be realistic here. Are you only physically attracted to him? He doesn't seem like he has any other redeeming characteristics, and if there were you would have told us. He sounds like someone who is most certainly not worth being around. You just have to open your eyes to his faults, of which there appear to be many. There are many other guys out there who will treat you right and be interesting to you. Someone who will love you (and only you) for exactly who you are, and will appreciate you for what you are able to contribute to the relationship. To summarize: ditch and forget about this loser and move into the next stage of your life where you'll find someone who will make you forget this guy ever existed. Going NC would be a great start. Best of luck.
Author melissa123 Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 Thanks for your advice. Ive tried talking to people but they are getting really sick of my moping! Also the only advice they give me is to get out there and find someone else. I cant do that. Im am in so much pain right now and I couldn't possibly think of being with anyone else. My hearts far to broken On the same note tho I am really lonely and hate it I really dont think i will find someone else who loves me I find it so hard to get guys interested in me! He was the 1st and only guy who have me a chance and let me love him! Pride and courage: To be honest I wasn't physically attracted to him but thats not what I go for. He was so sweet and romantic and cute and always made me feel good about myself. Thats more what I got for over looks. I don't get why he changed! I miss the old him :mad: Im doing NC but its easy as he wont talk to me anyway and if he does its just cold so id rather not go through that! I am in massive crippling pain at the moment and I cant even begin to try and explain how strong the pain is. I love him and miss him so much I really don't know how i'll get through this. Whats really hurting the most is that he left without a tear and jumped straight into another realtionship and I heard it was going well and he was really happy. I still had his email password and found emails to others saying he had left me as I treated him like dirt. He went onto say dumping me was like a huge weight off his shoulders and he feels better about it already :mad: Those words honestly cripped me with pain. I cant even describe to what extent they damaged me How could he move on and feel great about it when Im left wanting to be dead! I know you will write back and say hes a nasty guy but hes not and I guess I deserved having that written about me! Ahh I just think it would be better if im not here Im REALLY struggling with this pain!
HokeyReligions Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 This is going to sound cold, but its my perspective. If you really loved HIM, then you would be happy For him - in spite of your pain. It sounds like you want him back in your life for yourself and not for him, or for his happiness. If you claim to love someone and they stay with you because they feel sorry for you, or they don't have anything else to do, or for some similar reason - and you hang on to them - are you hanging on for their happiness or for yours? Is that really loving someone else? Or is that just selfishness - a kind of surface happiness for yourself? You have to find a way to let him go, and that doesn't mean finding someone else. Give yourself time to let go first.
Author melissa123 Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 Ouch that one really hurt Just stopped crying then i read that and now the tears are flowing. I know you mean well but that really put a dagger through my heart.
Author melissa123 Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 I am not being selfish by the way. I havent contacted him in anyway since the split and have let him go about living his life without me. Maybe you haven't had your heart broken before? I love this guy more than anything
mental_traveller Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Well the advice is easy to give but hard to follow. YOu have to cease all contact with him, then work on getting back to a normal life. In time your feelings of hurt will fade somewhat, and you'll get more perspective on things. If you are really meant to be together with this guy, then once you get your life back on track, he may notice what he is missing and come back to you. But if not then really it's just a sign it was not meant to be. Try to learn your lesson, and next time when you have a problem with a boyfriend or husband, talk to him openly about it, instead of bottling it up and taking out your frustrations on him. Open and honest communication really does solve a lot of problems.
mental_traveller Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I still had his email password and found emails to others saying he had left me as I treated him like dirt. He went onto say dumping me was like a huge weight off his shoulders and he feels better about it already :mad: Those words honestly cripped me with pain. I cant even describe to what extent they damaged me Well, you've had an insight into his true feelings then. If this is what he wrote, then you have to look in the mirror and accept that you were at least partly responsible for making him feel this way. Have you really accepted the responsibility for what you did? In your post, you said you were a bit nasty, but it didn't sound like you really understood the impact on his feelings. I bet if he posted here now, we would get a totally different description of how you acted. It's difficult sometimes in relationships to realise the impact our actions and words have on the other person. Sometimes you can really hurt someone, but you don't realise it's all that bad. This is especially true if their reaction to being hurt is to bottle things up and withdraw (this is true of a lot of guys). So, it sounds like you didn't realise the impact you were having on him, and never noticed that he was getting hurt so bad, and step by step withdrawing from the relationship, until finally he gave up and couldn't take the pain and stress anymore. So, although it seems like he moved on fast, probably he had given up on the relationship months ago. Finally he took action and left, but in reality he had checked his heart out of your relationship way before then. That's why he can move on "fast" - because he has been gradually moving on since quite a while ago. I think really you need to examine how you acted. I had a couple of relationships that seem a bit similar to yours, in both cases the women were somewhat passionate and in the heat of the moment could be, quite frankly, bitches. It was only like 5-10% of the time, but after a while I just got sick of it and eventually called it quits. In both cases they were really surprised, and couldn't understand it. When I explained why, it was like they suddenly realised the true impact of their behaviour. Even though I had told them many times that I couldn't stand when they acted that way, they didn't change or really act on it until I dumped them. Funnily, after I finished things, all of a sudden they wanted to make a huge effort to change and get back, but by then it was too late. They kinda reacted hurt, like you are now. Well, my response is, if you feel that way, why didn't you make the change before? In your case I would say it's just inexperience. So try to make an effort to avoid that kinda behaviour in future. Think about how your behaviour might make someone feel, otherwise you'll get the same situation happening again and again.
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