smoochie Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Hi all, I have a small problem. I want to go see this act tonight and one of the performers is my ex. We were only together a few months and broke up three weeks ago. I really want to see how everyone does but he will be there. I have not contacted him at all with the exception of a letter telling him what I needed to say (just wanted to be heard) and that was that. Never once have I called or anything like that. So my question is "do I go"? I am tired of not going some of the places I want to go because he will definitely be there. He was the one who turned me on to the different acts though but I genuinely like them. I usually go on nights he is at work. So do I go tonight or not????
sedgwick Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 If you can even consider it, go. I couldn't walk into the same room with my ex, much less watch him play.
Trialbyfire Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I go whereever I want to go. If my ex is there, we're civilized with each other. Sometimes you have to meet your fears head-on.
Author smoochie Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I go whereever I want to go. If my ex is there, we're civilized with each other. Sometimes you have to meet your fears head-on. How long after you guys broke up did you start seeing each other out? I am nervous because I know he will thinks its about him. I really don't care about that but don't want any problems. I doubt if he even speaks. I think he hates me.
s_n_d Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think you should do what makes you happy. Let us know what you end up doing.
zerolove Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It all depends. If you felt you had got over it, then it won't even stir a ripple in the water, then just enjoy his performance. If not, my suggestion is just give yourself a break... Just 2 c'ents
eagle5 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 If you can think to yourself 'I can go and it won't upset me' then def do it, it will be another barrier you've broken for yourself. If you're worried it'll cause problems from his side I say scr*w him and do it anyway!!!
Crestfallen_KH Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It depends. For instance, my ex-husband and his new girlfriend also like wine and there have been a lot of wine events and festivals. Going to these, I know there is a chance I might run into them (I haven't yet). I don't let that stop me from going. If no one can go with me, though, I skip them. I don't want to run into them alone - I don't have to have a guy with me, just a friend is fine, but running into them and having them see me alone...I dunno, for some reason I hate the thought of that. That tells me I'm still not indifferent. One of the best Mexican restaurants in my town is located right near their house and I know they go there (it took my ex awhile to change the password to the bank accounts) and I don't go there, despite my love for Mexican and the dearth of good Mexican here. I guess it's still too soon for me to see them together even though I'm moving on.
Author smoochie Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 Thanks everyone your input!! The powers that be intervened so I won't be going. My live in babysitter, my 15yr old son, wants to go out and he hasn't been out in a very long time so I am going to take him to his friends house. My daughter (7yrs) and I will chill and watch movies. But to be honest, I don't think I am quite ready yet. I know for sure I will be going to another event he hosts in two weeks so I will let you guys know how that goes. I am slightly disappointed not to be going tonight though. It feels a little empowering to be able to go where he is and not seem like I care. I waiver between thinking he hates me, to he just has issues, to being angry, to missing the sex. I think I am going to create a complete thread and not all of these hit and miss questions I pose here.
eagle5 Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Well smoochie in 2 weeks when you go to his other event, you'll be 2 weeks further down the line so you'll hopefully be in an even better frame of mind when you go..... Enjoy your movies :-)
Trialbyfire Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 How long after you guys broke up did you start seeing each other out? I am nervous because I know he will thinks its about him. I really don't care about that but don't want any problems. I doubt if he even speaks. I think he hates me. About a month or so after the finalization of our divorce, I saw him unexpectedly. It brought a lot of conflicting emotions to the surface. After that, he contacted me again and we kept in touch for a long time, in that I was trying to help him through his issues, which I won't get into. Only once, for a few days in November, did I consider taking him back. Since that time, we went through another period of NC, of which fairly recently he got back in touch again. We chatted the once and that was it. It brought back full-force, why we aren't still together. It's a wonderful feeling of freedom, to know you're totally disinterested.
Author smoochie Posted March 1, 2008 Author Posted March 1, 2008 There is another event tonight. This is his venue that he hosts. Since I couldn't go last night, I woke up thinking I would try tonight. I don't know where this is coming from. I was really cool with a lot of the people who come through the venue and miss hanging out. Although I can't really hang out anymore afterwards because he hangs out there too. I would probably stay a few minutes and leave before everyone goes to the bar. I am tired of sitting in the house...that's for sure. I want to see who makes the team and tonight and next week are the last chances for people to qualify. After they qualify, the top five make the team. I am secretly hoping he doesn't make his own team. Do I want him to say sorry for how it ended, yeah. Do I expect it, hell no. Do I want him to say hi without any angry looks or facial gestures, yeah. Do I think he will, no. Should I give a damn about what he thinks at all, hell no again. But I do. I am willingly to bet good money he will have some negative feelings about me coming. But I figure if I keep doing what I want to do and that is go and the fact that I never call or contact him (snce the letter), sooner or later he will figure it out. At least that is what I hope!!
xpaperxcutx Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 There is another event tonight. This is his venue that he hosts. Since I couldn't go last night, I woke up thinking I would try tonight. I don't know where this is coming from. I was really cool with a lot of the people who come through the venue and miss hanging out. Although I can't really hang out anymore afterwards because he hangs out there too. I would probably stay a few minutes and leave before everyone goes to the bar. I am tired of sitting in the house...that's for sure. I want to see who makes the team and tonight and next week are the last chances for people to qualify. After they qualify, the top five make the team. I am secretly hoping he doesn't make his own team. Do I want him to say sorry for how it ended, yeah. Do I expect it, hell no. Do I want him to say hi without any angry looks or facial gestures, yeah. Do I think he will, no. Should I give a damn about what he thinks at all, hell no again. But I do. I am willingly to bet good money he will have some negative feelings about me coming. But I figure if I keep doing what I want to do and that is go and the fact that I never call or contact him (snce the letter), sooner or later he will figure it out. At least that is what I hope!! So he has resentments for you, but you can't let him dictate your life for you. IF you want to go then go. Play it off casually, I doubt you have any feelings other than impassivity towards him. Play it off nonchalantly. If you're put into a situation where you must make absolute contact with this guy, just say a quick hi and how are you, then move on. You want to enjoy your time hanging out, not be a punching bag for the guy.
Author smoochie Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 hey all, Well, I decided to go last night to his venue he hosts afterall. I always look good when I go there so there was nothing extra I had to do except make SURE I was wearing the same type of dress I always wear. I get myself ready, listen to some good music on my way, and talked to my guy cousin on the phone for courage as I walked in. He was on stage annoucing the next act so he instantly saw me but I went to pay. His friend took my money but looked a little nervous (not sure if it was about me or not...they all know). He walks by me and another guy I know invited me to sit down with him. We talk and my ex keeps walking back and forth, handling the business of hosting. He went and started laughing with the friend that was taking the money and I know it was about me being there. I take it on the chin and keep talking. We stand up to look for seats up front and don't find any and return to the back. As we are standing against the wall, I notice my ex hanging around where we were talking. I never looked him in the face or even in his direction. After a few minutes I realize he is waiting to talk to me. He finally realizes we are not going to stop, interrupts the guy (a friend of his also, but I don't think he knew about us), and whispers to me "what are you doing here"? I told him to watch the acts but I can go wherever I want to go and I am not bothering him. He starts getting angry and saying "don't send me any more punk letters to my job again". I looked at him like he was crazy and told him to go away. He kept talking and I kept restating, go away, get away from me. Finally, I had to turn completely away from him toward to other guy and tell him to keep talking. My ex still stood there until the guy waited to see if he was going to leave and started talking to me again. My ex finally got the very cold shoulder I gave him and left. I was really shocked that he even acknowledged my presence let alone confront me. It actually made me feel very good. So the rest of the night, I sat in a corner in the front where no one could see me unless they were in my area. He never sits or stays in the front. Last night, he kept inching up closer and closer to my section until he was actually leaning up so I would have to see him (I could see his reflection from the glass). After the last act, instead of going to the bar to drink as I would normally do, I left. I spoke to people on the way out, including one of his friends that didn't want him with me (she likes him, I think, but she's supposed to be gay), smiled grandly, and went home. I texted my cousin and he said I "have my ex SHOOK" and should realize that my presence should not have moved him one way or the other. And by the fact that I told him to go away and turned my back on him turned the power tables in my favor!!! We will never get back together but at least he knows I will go where I want and he doesn't matter enough for me not to (or at least I hope he sees it that way. YEAH!!!
Author smoochie Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 Hey all, I am on my way to another event I think he will be at. Only been here once with him but told someone else I would try and make it out tonight. Question for the thread...after what happened last week, did I gain the "I can go anywhere I want" respect without him thinking its about him? I know he doesn't expect me to go tonight (this is not his venue he works, but goes here every weekend). Does the logic follow, the more I go, the more I don't give a flip? (I really don't but don't want to get silly looks all night either). Any insight?
Trialbyfire Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 smoochie, I think this is too soon, after the first event. You might be giving him the impression you're stalking him in some way. If you are going to go and he speaks to you, let him know in a non-hostile manner, that your previous relationship has no bearing on how you choose to continue to entertain yourself. Maybe suggest that he move on, like you have, that the two of you can either be civil, the two can ignore each other or it can be hostile, at events you mutually attend. Basically, it can be as adult as he chooses to make it.
Author smoochie Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 I went and it was cool. No words exchanged. After last night, I think it will be cool from now on. I just enjoyed the show and talked with some folks I knew. Then I went home right when I knew who won. I didn't try and hang around to mingle. So, since there is no other contact, I think its cool now. And after I got there, what he thought didn't matter anymore, so he can think what he wants, really. He knows I support some of the people performing so if he wants to give himself that much credit, by all means do so. Thanks for the advice folks!!
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