ARDriver01 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I know this is sooooo trivial when compared to most threads. If you read my other threads you'll understand that I've just been through absolute Hell and I'm finally coming out of it and I need some advice. I was married to the Antichrist for four years, we're divorced now and I've just met a great girl. A good girl. We talked on the phone for two hours last night and there is a major connection. I met her on Plentyoffish.com. We're going out on Tuesday night after work. So... Can I call her tonight? Like, seriously, what happens now?
blind_otter Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Woah, that's crazy. Just a hot minute ago you were ready to drive over and do bodily harm to your ex and her OM, now you're jumping headfirst into the dating scene? That's intense. I would take a step back and not be too intense if I were you. Just take your time and go easy on yourself. BTW did you ever talk to your doc about your meds and the violent impulses?
LoveLace Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Sure you can call. But then I'd lay low until the date. And after the date, don't call too much to start out with. Be careful not to appear too "needy", but also don't try to hide your interest. In general just take things slow.
curiousnycgirl Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Since you haven't met in r/t yet I would not call. When I was meeting folks online I found that too much communication before actually meeting caused me (and them) to build unrealistic expectations of the other one that no one could live up to. When we would meet r/t it was extremely anti climatic and generally a one time thing. I'm glad you are excited about the prospect, but would suggest you hold off until tuesday. Good luck to you
Star Gazer Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Since you haven't met in r/t yet I would not call. When I was meeting folks online I found that too much communication before actually meeting caused me (and them) to build unrealistic expectations of the other one that no one could live up to. When we would meet r/t it was extremely anti climatic and generally a one time thing. I'm glad you are excited about the prospect, but would suggest you hold off until tuesday. Good luck to you I totally agree. I agree prefer to avoid phone contact entirely before meeting. If we must speak, it's only to arrange details.
Krytie TV Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I've just met a great girl. A good girl. Potentially deadly assumption number one. Having gone through the post-divorce dating routine, I want to elaborate on this. It's dangerous to assume that someone is a "good" girl with no basis. Everyone is a "good" person when you meet them. However, it's as often the case as it isn't, or else there would be no breaking up or divorce. It's natural for you to want the next person you date after a divorce to be all that was lacking in the marriage. This, unfortunately, is rarely the case. Be careful about assuming too much about this person's goodness. People will amaze you daily. Dating should be an exercise in getting to know someone without the dangerous preconceptions we place on people for no reason. If you assume her to be a good person, you will likely overlook any evidence to the contrary. Just... don't assume. Find out. That said, enjoy. Don't latch on too quickly. I have... it can be destructive. Otherwise, I would listen to the women on this one. They know better than I.
EYECANDY000 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Im not familiar with plentyoffish, but is it like a dating website? If so then that means that you two have exchanged pictures at some point. If you two know what each other looks like then I would say its ok to continue the long conversation. But if you have not seen a picture of her, and she has not seen a picture of you I would say hold off on the conversations until you meet each other. Because a lot of people connect to each other over the phone, and then when they meet each other they are not physically attracted to one another. And then it just feels like you have wasted your time.
carhill Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Im not familiar with plentyoffish, but is it like a dating website?"My name is Markus and I created plentyoffish because I was tired of seeing faceless corporate dating sites preying on singles." Love the literary license with the old adage "plenty of fish in the sea" Yep, take it from someone who married his internet date many many years ago (back when 14.4 modems were the rage ). Use it and the phone for triage and contact. IRL is the ticket. We did correspond for a month via e-mail as we lived an hour distant by car and learned a lot, mainly how articulate each of us was. Much information on intelligence can be gleaned from e-mails. It's hard to fake grammar and vocabulary and knowledge, though such aren't an indicator of character. Personally, I'd wait till Sunday night and then just confirm the date; if she wants to talk, listen
Grrlish Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Personally, I'd wait till Sunday night and then just confirm the date; if she wants to talk, listen I agree; I'd wait until Sunday. It might be difficult but I'd wait, as well. I think it would be okay to stay on the phone for bit but not too long. Anticipation is a good thing.
tigre Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Go out with her, but I advice ti gi slow for a while... My history to yours I was also married and my divorce was a disaster, and the meanwhile I met a girl and my emotional unestability destroyed a really good chance with thi girl... so Get yourself together first...!!!
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 So, she actually called me a few times just to talk. Tell me about her plans for the weekend etc... Saturday morning at like 9am, she called me, I was in bed. She said she was leading a youth group trip to Six Flags and said she had to pass my area and maybe we could meet for a quick cup of coffee. Said she was like 20min out. I was like "Yeah great" gave her directions off the freeway and said I would meet her. I got ready faster than any man in the history of getting ready and met her for coffee. (I did manage to cut my neck up pretty bad shaving) She was like half awake and struggling to keep her eyes open. She was however, very cute and very nice. We talked for like 10min about Six Flags, urban legends about the park (She's only lived in LA for 5 years) we laughed a little, hugged and I led her to the gas station and gave her directions to the freeway. So, now she stopped calling, and hasn't answered my one message I left in her inbox. We made reservations for dinner for Tuesday tommorrow and she's not getting back to me. I haven't called her since we met for coffee, but I have to call her tonight to see if we're still on for dinner. What do you think ladies, is it game over for me?
twice_shy Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I know this is sooooo trivial when compared to most threads. If you read my other threads you'll understand that I've just been through absolute Hell and I'm finally coming out of it and I need some advice. I was married to the Antichrist for four years, we're divorced now and I've just met a great girl. A good girl. We talked on the phone for two hours last night and there is a major connection. I met her on Plentyoffish.com. We're going out on Tuesday night after work. So... Can I call her tonight? Like, seriously, what happens now? Don't call her. Take it slow. Don't seem over anxious. Women seem to be put off in a guy that is too easily into them. They, for some god awful reason, like the jerk that doens't pay them attention for squat. Now no, I'm not saying be a jerk, but just don't come off like an over anxious lapdog. And congrats for getting back in the game!! I know you went through hell with that ho you called a wife, but you have to look at it this way, she is someone elses problem and you can move on to greener pastures. Have fun on your date man!!!
starlite Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I would say give her ONE phone call, leave a voicemail sayng you just wanted to make sure you are on for tomorrow night. If she doesnt call back then on to the next.
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 So, I called her last night, left her a message and whatnot. She texted me a midnight saying she's sorry, she's really busy and she'll call me tommorrow. It's getting pretty late and I'm about to cancel our reservations. Should I call her after work or write it off?
curiousnycgirl Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 You can text her, but keep it light. How aobut something like - I understand you are really busy, so not going to call you. However need to confirm tomorrow night. Let me know by XYZ time, otherwise I"ll cancel the reservation. What do you think?
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Well, that's just it ya see. Our date is for tonight.
4givrnt4gtr Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Im sorry...seems to me like you got blown off.... sigh...internet internet...love to hate you hate to love you. Try not to put too much hopes on Internet dates til.....about 6 months after you start dating Shake it off and get on the saddle again!
curiousnycgirl Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 UGH I'm so sorry - I missed that, of course it's tonight, it's tuesday already! I have to agree, she blew you off, and frankly in a very cowardly way. NEXT!
Author ARDriver01 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 (edited) Can I text her? Like, "Hey, can I call you tonight?" or "Should I stop calling you?" She was the one that showed all the interest to begin with, so it's a little peculiar you know... Hey! What if she's weird and shows up at the restaraunt anyway? Now I feel like I should call. I don't know dude... Ha! Edited March 4, 2008 by ARDriver01
curiousnycgirl Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Absolutely do NOT show up at the retaurant. If she does, fine - but how were you supposed to know that she ahd the time? She couldn't even pick up a phone, despite the fact that she said she would. If you feel you must communicate, how about a quick text telling her you are sorry she is so swamped, and regret you two couldn't get together as planned. end it by saying she should give you a call when she frees up again. That's it - then the ball is in her court. Meanwhile go back online and find the next one or even two!
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