I'm suspicious, the pieces fit

[rebre]

I had a situation happen earlier today that I'm getting strange vibes from, its just not sitting well with me and I'm considering bringing it to my gf's attn.

Background: Gf and myself are both 26, together for almost 9 months, going to buy a house together in the end of spring.

 

What has happened is I did a little snooping(not sure what to consider it) and given other recent events, I feel as if I've put the pieces together and I am beginning to suspect someting.

Two days ago, while at my place, my gf checked her e-mail on my computer and then we left for the night. The next morning, when I returned to my place, I noticed that the computer still had her e-mail window opened. I have never suspected her of anything and aside from the incident in my other thread, never went thru her things. Yet, I opened the window and saw in her inbox several messages from another man.

I also saw that she responded to the messages. The gist of the convo was: he e-mailed her, asked where she's been for the past year. she responds: she's happily in a relationship. he responds: he's single and he'd like to get together.

Normal enough, until...I recall my gf mentioning this guy earlier in our relationship, I know she used to talk to him regularly. I also know that my gf has had sex with nearly all of her guy friends. I'm confident, but not positive he was one of them.

Ok, now paranoia aside, here's where it gets icky.

This morning, we wake up at her apartment, I am woken by her typing an e-mail. I can't see what she's doing, but I recognize the e-mail site. I arrive back at my place and check the e-mail window. And I see that all of the messages between them have been deleted. {This is odd because she never deletes messages, had over 1000 inbox messages from as early as 2002}

Minutes later, she phones me to say she is having dinner on Sunday with friends and wanted to let me know that she'd be out for the night. [This is odd because neither one of us have done that in months.]

Many red flags are being raised in my head right now. My gf has a company e-mail that she increasingly uses for personal messages and I suspect she moved the conversation there as she uses that address during the day.

I am not comfortable with these circumstances, but there is no way that I can betray her trust and tell her what I have seen. With Sunday approaching fast I feel that I need to do something. I have a very bad feeling about this entire ordeal.

[angie2443]

Do not buy a house (get married, have a baby) with your gf untill you know exactly what's going on. There are Too many red flags. By the way, if she has had sex with all her male friends, there not just friends. They are something else.

[BetrayedMM]

Who? Where is she spending the night? Why can't you accompany her?

 

Ask those questions. If you don't get straight answers, end the relationship and don't look back!!!

[Star Gazer]

she responds: she's happily in a relationship.

 

Surely you have more than this email conversation as your evidence of "something"? Because if you don't, you're looking for trouble where there is none...

[AAlike]

Do not buy a house (get married, have a baby) with your gf untill you know exactly what's going on. There are Too many red flags. By the way, if she has had sex with all her male friends, there not just friends. They are something else.

 

well, you might think of them as something else, but just because she's slept with them doesn't mean that they're inherently threats to the relationship. I have never been a one-night stand or "random hookup" guy, but i also haven't been in that many relationships, so a fair amount of my sexual experience has been with women that i've been longtime friends with. In fact, out of the five girls that I would say that I am VERY good friends with, I've slept with four of them at some point within the duration of our friendship. maybe it was rebound, loneliness, seeing if it would "work" between us, or just feeling close to them at that moment, but in any case, they were experiences that now that I am currently in a relationship are essentially meaningless - not that they were "trashy" or meaningless at the time, but compared to how intense my feelings are for my present GF they certainly don't have any effect on my current situation. And same goes for theirs too - in fact, two of these girls are now married, and I was in both of their weddings and have met both of their husbands, and there was no ill will, I felt nothing but happy for them and there was no complex about "I have f*cked your wife in the past" or any juvenile crap like that. I also know that my current gf has slept with her best male friend in a similar meant-something-but-really-didn't type of manner, and I've met him several times and not had a problem with it.

 

Now, to OP, I'm not saying that your suspicions are totally unfounded - you're in a tough situation here because you essentially shouldn't have seen the e-mails so you can't really confront her about it. but I know how guy's heads typically work and I just wanted to point out that the fact that she's slept with some close guy friends before shouldn't be seen as a threat or really have any bearing on the situation.

 

As far as a plan of action - I think that your best bet is probably to come clean and confront her. Tell her that you saw that the e-mails had been deleted, and then apologize for invading her privacy but tell her that it's only because you love her and were scared and had a moment of weakness. that way you'll have been honest, and I bet you that she'll have a lot more trouble not being honest with you than if you were to confront her angrily.

[angie2443]

Rebre, I'm actually a little concerned for your gf. I may be completely wrong, I don't know her after all, but after reading your other thread, I think she may have some emotional problems.

 

27 (I hope I remembered that number right) is a lot of partners to have by the age of 26. Her keeping detailed records of the sex acts she had with her other boyfriends if disturbing. As someone else alluded to, this may be OCD behavior. It may be something else. Do you know anything of her family? Was she abused maybe or raped sometime in the past? I've known people who've been sexually abused and they often act out sexually (the keeping records, and the many sexual partners).

 

Of course, I could be wrong. I'm no expert. It just feels like there might be more going underneath the surface here.

 

Regardless, I'm still sticking to my old advice. Do not do anything with her that requires long term commitment, untill you know what's going on.

[rebre]

Believe me, I am hitting the brakes on the house thing. I meant it more as its something we're planning, otherwise, this is a serious relationship, I added that just to clarify that my situation isnt a casual hookup or anything.

 

And yes, 27 partners is a high number. Espcially compared to mine.

Aalike, yes I realize that because someone has sex with their friends, it does not constitute anything major, but, allow me to expand one factor.

In the e-mails, there were a lot of pet names. It was not the most typical email, it was more personal, thats what tipped me off and raised the red flags. To compound that, I do have a slight problem with this "friend" disapearing for a year and now that he's single, contacting my gf. Something just feels odd about this all.

As for the questioning what the Sunday night is going to entail, I will ask her those questions. I am not out to start trouble.

[Cobra_X30]

Believe me, I am hitting the brakes on the house thing. I meant it more as its something we're planning, otherwise, this is a serious relationship, I added that just to clarify that my situation isnt a casual hookup or anything.

 

And yes, 27 partners is a high number. Espcially compared to mine.

Aalike, yes I realize that because someone has sex with their friends, it does not constitute anything major, but, allow me to expand one factor.

In the e-mails, there were a lot of pet names. It was not the most typical email, it was more personal, thats what tipped me off and raised the red flags. To compound that, I do have a slight problem with this "friend" disapearing for a year and now that he's single, contacting my gf. Something just feels odd about this all.

As for the questioning what the Sunday night is going to entail, I will ask her those questions. I am not out to start trouble.

 

Look, if the girl is going to go out of her way and lie to you about meeting up with another man, at least make her work at it.

 

Casually ask her where and what time and who. Maybe tell her that you have some plans going on later that evening and that you were wondering if she might be interested in joining you. Point is... force her to hammer the story down then watch her reaction and hold her to it.

[AAlike]

ah, I hadn't read the other thread - that definitely changes things.

 

So this is basically the second time that you've violated her privacy, and it's the second time that it's left you feeling uneasy. notice a trend?

 

It seems pretty clear to me that you obviously have a problem with her sexual past and that it's driving you to distrust. Would the journals and detailed descriptions bother me? yes, which is precisely why they're not for me to read! Could they be indicative of OCD behavior or sexual dysfunction? sure - but could they also just be indicative of a person that is into learning about her own body through experience. And honestly, there's nothing wrong with her keeping these things - there would only be a problem if she either showed you or created new ones with other people while you were dating. I mean, it's not like you throw away the memories in your brain when you start dating someone, so there's really no reason she should throw these memoirs out, despite whether or not you think that they are too vivid. she's allowed to preserve her memories in any way she chooses.

 

It really comes down to the fact that you are clearly struggling with her sexual past. and that's understandable and extremely common given your relatively low number when compared to hers. However, you need to decide if ultimately this is going to be a problem for you, and if so, get out now and don't look back, or if not, then accept it for what it was and move on. Staying involved but with constant distrust is not helping anyone.

 

So she's had 27 partners. Yes, that's factually above average for a girl of her age. However, I think a lot of hype is given to someone's "number" as a concept to the point where it blocks out the reasons and situations behind that number. I mean, if she started having sex at 16 (not uncommon in the 90's) and has not really been in a serious relationship before you, then you're looking at 2 or 3 people per year. not necssarily chastity, but also not cause for alarm in my opinion. now if she was in a nine-year relationship and then was with 26 guys in a year - maybe a little more worrisome. but in any event, people have different attitudes about casual sex, and there are many females today who, when outside of a realtionship, see no problem with a casual fling as long as they're protected and consenting, but yet understand that once in a relationship all that stuff ceases. your girlfriend is most likely one of those people - the question is can you accept that? if you can't, then it's time to walk now. if you can, then you need to sit down and tell her that you are prepared to get over her past and understand that it is your issue and not hers, but that she needs to respect your feelings and help you get over your hangups - and then you'll have to decide if you're comfortable with her remaining friends with her past lovers or not. only then can you progress in this.

[AAlike]

Aalike, yes I realize that because someone has sex with their friends, it does not constitute anything major, but, allow me to expand one factor.

In the e-mails, there were a lot of pet names. It was not the most typical email, it was more personal, thats what tipped me off and raised the red flags. To compound that, I do have a slight problem with this "friend" disapearing for a year and now that he's single, contacting my gf. Something just feels odd about this all.

 

yeah ok that's understandable - but it doesn't change my position...you should tell her what you saw and go from there.

[Cobra_X30]

if you can, then you need to sit down and tell her that you are prepared to get over her past and understand that it is your issue and not hers, but that she needs to respect your feelings and help you get over your hangups - and then you'll have to decide if you're comfortable with her remaining friends with her past lovers or not. only then can you progress in this.

 

 

I'd agree with most of what your saying here... but I'm taking a different conclusion.

 

First, I think former sexual partners as friends... I'd say that is HIGHLY dependent upon the person as to whether that is Ok or not.

 

Rebre's GF is so bloody shady and weird that my vote goes for not Ok in this situation.

 

Look, in my experience most people only make the effort to snoop when they feel something is wrong... otherwise it's a big expenditure of energy, and the only payoff is for control freaks. This guy doesn't seem all that controlling.

[AAlike]

I'd agree with most of what your saying here... but I'm taking a different conclusion.

 

First, I think former sexual partners as friends... I'd say that is HIGHLY dependent upon the person as to whether that is Ok or not.

 

Sure - but it should also depend on the number of friends like this and the circumstances of how she keeps in touch, etc. etc...I mean if all 27 were calling her regularly after leaving the bar, yeah, that's pretty awful. but I know that in my case at least three people that I've slept with in the past, all of which I had tried to date at one point but decided friendship was better and formulated great friendships with, are now very vital components of my life...and if my GF asked me to cut them off, I'd certainly have problems with that. in fact, I've stayed on at least good terms if not friends in regular communcation with most of the people that I've slept with, at least post college. I think if anything that's a testament to the fact that I don't just jump into bed with anyone - most of them were breakups that ended amicably. but then again my relationships were never that emotional until this one. in any case, I guess what I'm saying is that it depends.

 

Rebre's GF is so bloody shady and weird that my vote goes for not Ok in this situation.

 

Is there another thread about her that I'm missing again? If you're making this judgement just on the fact that she keeps journals of sexual stuff - although I totally see where that's highly unconventional, I don't necessarily find it shady. all sorts of people have quirks. if you knew all of my idiosyncracies, you'd think that I was weird too. if she kept that stuff to herself, I don't see what the problem was. had she published it or read it to him to make him jealous - big issue. remember, he wasn't supposed to see that - plenty of people write journals and I'm sure quite a few of them contain things of explicit nature.

 

Look, in my experience most people only make the effort to snoop when they feel something is wrong... otherwise it's a big expenditure of energy, and the only payoff is for control freaks. This guy doesn't seem all that controlling.

 

I totally agree with that - and that's what I'm saying. I feel like the disclosure of her "number" led him to snoop in the first place, then he found the journals which intensified the problem, and now he's completely full of distrust and is reading her e-mails. whether he's justified isn't even really the issue, honestly. if he doesn't trust her or can't handle her past it doesn't really matter if she's cheating on him or not, the relationship can't continue, and this type of stuff is going to happen all of the time.

[Grrlish]

Look, if the girl is going to go out of her way and lie to you about meeting up with another man, at least make her work at it.

 

Casually ask her where and what time and who. Maybe tell her that you have some plans going on later that evening and that you were wondering if she might be interested in joining you. Point is... force her to hammer the story down then watch her reaction and hold her to it.

 

Heck, just ask her who she's going with and where. Two people in a committed relationship should be able to ask these questions without feeling like they're snooping. Moreover, if I'm meeting a friend or a group of people for dinner or drinks, I tell my boyfriend who I'm going with and where. In fact, he is usually either invited, or invited to join me/us after me and my friend(s) have had a little girl-time. Of course, if it's a mixed crowd, he's invited straight-up. He does the same. It's a matter of being open and courteous. After being together for several months, if he told me he was meeting 'friends' and would be 'out for the night', I'd find that a little...odd and evasive.

 

Nine months. Do not buy a house with this gal so fast. You need to be more sure of her and your relationship before you take a big step like that. My gosh, the mess it could turn into..? I, personally, do not understand why people in romantic relationships make large purchases like that without being married.

[angie2443]

I'd agree with most of what your saying here... but I'm taking a different conclusion.

 

First, I think former sexual partners as friends... I'd say that is HIGHLY dependent upon the person as to whether that is Ok or not.

 

Rebre's GF is so bloody shady and weird that my vote goes for not Ok in this situation.

 

Look, in my experience most people only make the effort to snoop when they feel something is wrong... otherwise it's a big expenditure of energy, and the only payoff is for control freaks. This guy doesn't seem all that controlling.

 

 

I'd have to agree with this.

 

I have no moral issues with sex outside of marriage, one night stands, etc., but 27 partners is just not healthy, imo. When you have sex with someone, you become vulnerable. There's a chance you may have your feelings hurt, or get a disease, or become pregnant. Most people in a healthy state of mind would not open themselves up like that so many times. Add this to the fact that she keeps "sex" journals of her past boyfriends, it doesn't sound like a good situation at all.

 

I know that you want to except her past sexual history, but the past offers a glimpse of who a person is and should not be taken lightly, at least in a situation like this.

[AAlike]

I'd have to agree with this.

 

When you have sex with someone, you become vulnerable.

 

What???? I certainly don't think that's a universal truth. is this women only or men?

 

There's a chance you may have your feelings hurt, or get a disease, or become pregnant.

 

obviously - but you run that exact same risk when having sex within a relationship. in fact, I think that a big part of the reason why people have casual sex in the first place is that the chances of having your feelings hurt are not nearly as prevalent. the other two risks are just as much there.

 

Most people in a healthy state of mind would not open themselves up like that so many times.

 

judge much? I think that it's pretty clear that you DO have moral and/or judgemental issues with one night stands - which is completely fine, but I don't think that you should bring it to the table when giving advice. While 27 partners may seem like a lot to you, you know nothing of the girl nor the circumstances and to imply that she must have been abused or raped is making quite an assumption.

 

And as far as "a healthy state of mind" - even if your blanket statement were correct (which it's not), I would argue that most people in their late teens/early 20's, which is usually when people's "numbers" are acquired, are not in a fully healthy state of mind AT THAT TIME, and are probably not emotionally developed enough to have a fully functioning, sound relationship. So maybe she was immature and impulsive when this stuff happened, maybe she wasn't - none of that matters if she's put it all behind her and is ready to commit NOW. once you learn how to fully appreciate someone sexually, the casual sex will become immaterial. if she's there now, it doesn't matter if her "number" was 2, 27, or 270 (ok 270 might bother me - haha).

 

I don't know, I just feel like both Cobra and you are ready to yell "DUMP THIS WHORE" and I just don't see where that's justified in these examples. I really don't feel like 27 partners is that outrageous these days.

 

Add this to the fact that she keeps "sex" journals of her past boyfriends, it doesn't sound like a good situation at all.

 

and I still think that this is only a big deal in the context of him seeing them. period.

[angie2443]

Contrary to what one poster here might have you think, I am not telling you to "dump this whore" and I am not trying to imply that your gf "must have been abused or raped". I think I made it clear in my second post that I could be wrong, I am no expert. I can only offer what my experience and observations have shown me.

 

Have you talked to her yet? how is she doing anyways? I hope you guys work this out.

[AAlike]

Contrary to what one poster here might have you think, I am not telling you to "dump this whore" and I am not trying to imply that your gf "must have been abused or raped". I think I made it clear in my second post that I could be wrong, I am no expert. I can only offer what my experience and observations have shown me.

 

Have you talked to her yet? how is she doing anyways? I hope you guys work this out.

 

ok so I was a bit melodramatic and probably shouldn't have jumped down your throat - sorry about that.

 

However, I think the OP's problem and distrust clearly stems with his having trouble with his GF's previous activity, and I don't think that making statements about his GF's character, especially when it's completely not merited, is not going to help anything here. Plus, you said that you have "no moral issues with one night stands" and then proceeded to make a moral judgement ("anyone with that many partners can't be in a healthy state of mind") in the next sentence.

 

OP needs to come to terms with his girlfriend's past, no matter what we think of it (and I don't think it's anything threatening), and I think that statements like yours are only going to make this harder to do.

[angie2443]

You misquoted me AAlike. I said "27 partners is just not healthy". Later on I said, "Most people in a healthy state of mind would not open themselves up like that so many times." If you are going to quote me, do not change what I say.

 

Saying that someone is not in a healthy state of mind is not making a moral judgement. Many good people with outstanding morals have mental problems or issues. People with PTSD, depression, and OCD could be said to not be in a healthy state of mind. Someone overcoming a painful event might go through a period in which they are not in "a healthy state of mind". This does not make these people evil, or "less than" anyone else. If I said his gf was evil for what she did, then I would have made a moral judgement.

 

Yes, he does need to come to terms with his gf's past. He also needs to protect himself. He can do this by talking to her. Being aware that she may have problems (and she may very well not have problems, I know) is not going to hinder this.

[AAlike]

You misquoted me AAlike. I said "27 partners is just not healthy".

 

OK. So this is a fact and not a judgement/opinion?

 

If you're saying that it's a fact, then I strongly disagree.

[heidilynnmorris]

Ok so basically I have been going through the same thing except that my bf has been getting and checking messages from a girl that was his girlfriend for a period of time. I defentaly know it is not a good feeling and to see that she is replying back and some of the things she might be saying is hard enough. What I can say is that if she is not honest about talking to him and e-mailing him then you might have a bit of a situation on your hands. My advice dont' take your relationship one step further I made the mistake of moving in andd things dont' get better.

[twice_shy]

Normal enough, until...I recall my gf mentioning this guy earlier in our relationship, I know she used to talk to him regularly. I also know that my gf has had sex with nearly all of her guy friends.

 

If she has sex with her "guy friends" then that is when it ceases to be any kind of normal "friendship".

 

If she is still in contact with guys she had sex with, then its major disrespect to you.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't bother with this girl any longer. She is obviously up to something.

 

I'd first find out somehow if she really is going out with friends to dinner. Tail her or something. If it turns out she is with that other guy, calmly walk up to them and say, "out to dinner with friends eh? Oh and by the way, we are through".

 

Then look at the guy and say, "you can have her, she is worthless to me".

[AAlike]

If she has sex with her "guy friends" then that is when it ceases to be any kind of normal "friendship".

 

If she is still in contact with guys she had sex with, then its major disrespect to you.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't bother with this girl any longer. She is obviously up to something.

 

I'd first find out somehow if she really is going out with friends to dinner. Tail her or something. If it turns out she is with that other guy, calmly walk up to them and say, "out to dinner with friends eh? Oh and by the way, we are through".

 

Then look at the guy and say, "you can have her, she is worthless to me".

 

Yes, not only should you blame her for her past, you should humiliate her publicly for it too.

 

Are you people serious??

 

Just because you have had sex with someone doesn't mean that you need to cut them off completely because you're in a relationship! It only means that you need to cut off any sexual feelings towards them.

[Cobra_X30]

Are you people serious??

Just because you have had sex with someone doesn't mean that you need to cut them off completely because you're in a relationship! It only means that you need to cut off any sexual feelings towards them.

 

I think that's a great theory on paper. To just surgically remove those feelings. I don't see it working in real life though.

 

Holding those friends close... those men who she holds an attraction to, that seems like emotional blackmail to me. It's trying generate power over your partner by having Plan B sitting there in constant view.

 

Are you not also creeped out by the journaling? Wouldn't you want her to ask your permission to write about you? I'd be very upset... and if she is writing crap about him... I think he has a right to read it.

[AAlike]

I think that's a great theory on paper. To just surgically remove those feelings. I don't see it working in real life though.

 

Holding those friends close... those men who she holds an attraction to, that seems like emotional blackmail to me. It's trying generate power over your partner by having Plan B sitting there in constant view.

 

Are you not also creeped out by the journaling? Wouldn't you want her to ask your permission to write about you? I'd be very upset... and if she is writing crap about him... I think he has a right to read it.

 

Cobra, even though I think that we perceive sex about as differently as can be, let it be known that you are one of my favorite posters - always keeping me on my toes.

 

My question is this - what do you mean by "those feelings"? It seems that your implying that all sex has to involve the same type and intensity of feelings - when it certainly does not. this is often how people who have not had a lot or any casual sex (i.e. OP) perceive situations revolving around those who have - it's understandable but not accurate.

 

You also seem to imply that once attracted to someone, always attracted to them, as if because you've slept together in the past that you're only a hormone rage away from doing it again. I also don't think that this is true. speaking from example - let's cite the one very good female friend of mine that my girlfriend has met several times that I've slept with. when we slept together we were 20 and 19 years old, respectively - and both kind of lonely while in college, both with hormones going nuts but neither really cut out for one night stands. Our brief experience, although not disasterous, only served to solidify the fact that we should be friends. Now we are in our early 30's and both involved in careers, and have seen the other go through relationships, etc...not only am I not attracted to her anymore, she's taken on almost a sister-esque role in my life. the memory of the actual sex is insignifcant as can be. I'm not saying that OP's girlfriend's situation is necessarily the same - I'm just saying that there's no reason to assume that she has any malicious intent or any reason that these people can't be friends. I'll say it again - it's weird that we live in a culture where people have more trouble getting over the sexual experiences of others than those of their own!

 

not only that, but don't you think if you seriously fell for someone that those feelings would not have to be "surgically removed" but would just go away on their own? When I really fell for my current GF, everything else just went "poof".

 

as far as the journal - well, it's hard to say, I guess. I mean - what do people normally keep in a diary? what would you expect to find when reading it? I don't see it as that outlandish - I mean of course it would freak me out a little, but reading someone's diary is like peeking into their brain - it's going to freak you out no matter what. that's why they're not for other people!

[Cobra_X30]

Cobra, even though I think that we perceive sex about as differently as can be, let it be known that you are one of my favorite posters - always keeping me on my toes.

 

Seriously, you are one of the very few people here that can make me sit down and think!

 

My question is this - what do you mean by "those feelings"? It seems that your implying that all sex has to involve the same type and intensity of feelings - when it certainly does not. this is often how people who have not had a lot or any casual sex (i.e. OP) perceive situations revolving around those who have - it's understandable but not accurate.

 

I typically try to keep from posting personal info, because other people tend to use that to attack, and often to stereotype.

 

I've learned that sex rarely means the same thing to both people who engage in it. I believe that a large part of the emotions that come with sex are instinctual. It is designed to build emotional bonds of different types. You have to be very good at compartmentalizing things to dissasociate this.

 

You also seem to imply that once attracted to someone, always attracted to them, as if because you've slept together in the past that you're only a hormone rage away from doing it again. I also don't think that this is true. speaking from example - let's cite the one very good female friend of mine that my girlfriend has met several times that I've slept with. when we slept together we were 20 and 19 years old, respectively - and both kind of lonely while in college, both with hormones going nuts but neither really cut out for one night stands. Our brief experience, although not disasterous, only served to solidify the fact that we should be friends. Now we are in our early 30's and both involved in careers, and have seen the other go through relationships, etc...not only am I not attracted to her anymore, she's taken on almost a sister-esque role in my life. the memory of the actual sex is insignifcant as can be. I'm not saying that OP's girlfriend's situation is necessarily the same - I'm just saying that there's no reason to assume that she has any malicious intent or any reason that these people can't be friends. I'll say it again - it's weird that we live in a culture where people have more trouble getting over the sexual experiences of others than those of their own!

 

You have been friends for a long time, obviously that shared experience created some kind of bond.

 

Are there any circumstances in which you would consider her as a potential GF? If not, what traits does she lack?

 

not only that, but don't you think if you seriously fell for someone that those feelings would not have to be "surgically removed" but would just go away on their own? When I really fell for my current GF, everything else just went "poof".

 

I believe that because the memory of those feelings remain, for most people its not a poof and they are gone. Instead, they simply lie dormant, while something more engaging has our attention. Perhaps if you search your feelings you will find this to be true, even for you. Remember, affairs can be emotional as well as physical.

 

as far as the journal - well, it's hard to say, I guess. I mean - what do people normally keep in a diary? what would you expect to find when reading it? I don't see it as that outlandish - I mean of course it would freak me out a little, but reading someone's diary is like peeking into their brain - it's going to freak you out no matter what. that's why they're not for other people!

 

Well, if this was simply a diary I would agree with you. However, this seems to be a sex journal only... with unknown purposes. The way he described the information it contained, gave me the brief impression that she was documenting performance. Just my observation though.