FishnetsAndMalice Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 My fiance are only 3 hours apart... that's not that far. In fact, in one day's time, you can drive down there spend some quality time, and drive back. It doesn't happen very often. I've only done it twice, and he's never done it. At any rate, I'm not at a point where I can do that anymore. I'm a full time student, and I have two jobs. So if I don't have to be one place, I've got somewhere else to be. He only has one job, that gives him two days a week off. He even makes more money than I do, drives a car (as opposed to a gas-guzzling SUV that I drive), and pretty much hates his family. The only time I can get off of work and school, obviously, is the weekend, which is the best time for him to work. Yet, on his days off of work, he never comes to see me. I even have one of those jobs where I work by myself and people come to visit and bring me dinner, so even if I was working when he came to visit, he could still come see me. So in the last two months, he hasn't come to visit, not once. We've met halfway in the middle, and I've gone to see him, but no visits from him. He recently had Tues & Wed off this week and I had Tuesday off (from school and one of my jobs anyways), and if I didn't have to be at one job, I probably would have come to see him. He said he didn't have the money to come see me... Yet on Wed he sent me a picture of a piercing he just got. He told me he put it on his credit card and it was only $20... but seriously? He'll put a piercing on his credit card but not the gas to drive up and see his fiance? He's always seems to have issues with coming up to see me. It's like pulling teeth, but once he gets up here he always has a good time and talks about not wanting to go back. So with that said, why the hell won't he just come visit more often? I ask him, and he really has no decent response so I'm wondering if maybe some of you all out there can read into this better than I can. And just in case you're wondering, we've been together 2 years and we've been long distance for 9 months in those 2 years.
TMichaels Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 FishnetsAndMalice, How long have you been engaged? Did you get engaged before you went off to school or during? When are you planning on getting married? Is he also going to school? How much longer will the two of you be apart (i.e. how much longer do you/he have in school)? You say you've been together two years; nine months of that long-distance, but in the past two months he hasn't come visit at all. What about the other seven months? What were the two of you doing, how often and when? How old are the two of you? Sorry for all the questions, but it helps to have more information in order to get a better grasp of the situation. Try to hang in there! Best, TMichaels
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 How much time remaining for the LDR ? From what I read.. you go to school, and also work 2 jobs.. He works one job.. and you have to do the travelling.. ha-hem... I think you got a lazy bf.. who doesn't feel you're worth the time and effort... sorry but I would 'negociate' one time it's your turn.. next time, his turn.. period !!!!
Author FishnetsAndMalice Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 FishnetsAndMalice, How long have you been engaged? Did you get engaged before you went off to school or during? When are you planning on getting married? We went to school together for 2 years, started dating January of '06, and then I had to transfer schools in May of '07. He proposed in October of 2007. Is he also going to school? He was but when I transferred, he stayed out of school to have surgery and ended up deciding not to go back for a while. Now he just has a full time job. Apparently he's going to take summer classes sometime in June or July, but I guess we'll see. How much longer will the two of you be apart (i.e. how much longer do you/he have in school)? I don't graduate until May of 09... so more than likely, until then, unless he decides to move before then. And he's under contract with his company for 2 years so that's only if he can transfer... he's only talked about moving up here a few times, but not lately. Usually we just talk about where we'd like to live after I graduate. You say you've been together two years; nine months of that long-distance, but in the past two months he hasn't come visit at all. What about the other seven months? What were the two of you doing, how often and when? We were alternating... One of us would drive up one month, and then the other the next month, usually just for a weekend. If it was any more than once a month, it was usually because I came down there for a day trip or something to that effect. He came up from Dec. 31 - Jan 3 this year for new Year's Eve and my birthday (Jan. 2), and hasn't been back since. For the whole month of Jan. and part of the way into Feb. he had every monday and wednesday off. Now he has tues and wednesdays off. He hasn't driven up on any of his days off. How old are the two of you? I'm 21, and he'll be 21 in June. If it helps anymore, this is the first time this has happened. It's been a problem in the past, though it used to be that he had no time off so we couldn't ever make plans. But now he has the time off and he's still not making plans. I guess I'm just feeling pretty worthless because I know I would jump through hoops to go see him... And it's kind of ruining our relationship because now that I realize he's not willing to just drive up and see me on one of his days off, I don't want to go see him and I shouldn't feel that way.
TMichaels Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 I guess I'm just feeling pretty worthless because I know I would jump through hoops to go see him... And it's kind of ruining our relationship because now that I realize he's not willing to just drive up and see me on one of his days off, I don't want to go see him and I shouldn't feel that way. You're right. He's your fiancee -- you shouldn't feel that way, at all. But, as your fiancee he also shouldn't be acting as he is. Have you tried talking to him? Not necessarily about "it's your turn to make the trip," but more about why the two of you don't see more of each other or want to spend more time together? I mean, afterall, the two of you are engaged... Best, TMichaels
Author FishnetsAndMalice Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 We've had this conversation at least once if not twice before, but it's been different everytime. The first time, his family would think of ways from stopping him to come see me, like threatening to take away his car insurance or health insurance. The second time, he just never requested any time off of work. And now this time, it's that he has time off of work but he's not taking advantage. I finally got him to talk about it last night, and he basically said that on most of his days off, he was too exhausted to drive up and back. Which I guess is understandable, but out of two months I would have thought he could come up at least one day. I've decided to let it go for now. He said he'd start making more of an effort to ask me when I had time off and make plans. I figure if it doesn't start changing in the next month or two, then it won't work out, especially if we're going to be long distance for another year. Thanks for the help though! I really appreciate the responses.
TMichaels Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Thanks for the help though! I really appreciate the responses. You're welcome, FishnetsandMalice. Hope things work out for you. Best, TMichaels
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