nickilovespookie Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I would seriously like to know how to overcome it. This guy is an ******* and I know that, so why do I continue to talk to him? Why do I care about anything pertaining to him? I think I just have to work on being the stronger and better person. I don't want to loose my long term bf because I'm infatuated with the idea of this other guy. I know him and I wouldn't work. I don't even want to be with him. I've gone through the signs of infatuation and I am with him. It is definitely it.
Replicant Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It's kinda like playing fetch with a dog. This other dude threw the bone to you, you ran after it, took it, then brought it back. It's not often you don't see a dog want to continue the process, to satisfy it's needs for play time regardless of who's throwing it. When the dog becomes tired of the run around, that is when you'll see it give up and move on.
AdriannaV Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It sounds like me your with your current b/f because it works and is convenient, but isn't really what you want. Or, this other guy intrigues you and your curious how it would be. What you need to do is set your priorities and be real with yourself and ask what you really want.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Sometimes its very hard to overcome infatuation if you've been baited. The more you try to avoid or run from it, the more the line drags you back. It's like the magnetic pull of a magnet. Try not to overstress it, the best way to deal with it is have a bit more of self restraint on yourself. In the end, it's your actions that count.
carhill Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Since this sounds like a bit more than an infatuation, I'd bring this subject up with your therapist and perhaps s/he can help you gain some tools to deal with it. Given what I've read, a good six months of JC and NC with the "infatuation" should give you/BF some perspective, as well as a clearer picture of your relationship with BF. I've found issues stemming from childhood can be strong, even well into middle age, if one doesn't work diligently to resolve them. I wish you well
Author nickilovespookie Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Given what I've read, a good six months of JC and NC with the "infatuation" should give you/BF some perspective, as well as a clearer picture of your relationship with BF. What does JC and NC mean?
blind_otter Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 When I broke up with an a s s h o l e years ago and was still attached to him I made a list of all his super ****ty qualities and posted it on my fridge. I would refer back to it as needed.
carhill Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 What does JC and NC mean? JC = Joint counseling (with BF) NC = No contact (with "infatuation") IC = Individual counseling...... which I'd recommend regardless. I've had six months of MC now and it's made an amazing difference. I'm not saying my marriage is any stronger, but I certainly feel that I am, especially in the area of making clear decisions, adjunct to communicating better. It's a process
Author nickilovespookie Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I've started IC yesterday. My bf and I are going to go together but not until I do a little by myself. I think that's best. I want to not want to talk to the infatuation but I always find myself texting him then he calls me. There's been several occasions where I've said that I didn't want to talk to him anymore (and said some other things) but then in a short time like not even a day we're talking like nothing was ever said. It's like we still want each other. I do still want him. But I also really really want my bf. I'm afraid to loose him but I'm also afraid to loose the pleasure of the other guy. I don't want to loose my bf because he's stable and we laugh a lot together, like friends. When it comes to kissing though, I'd rather kiss the other guy, I think about him.
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