It makes sense

[guessjeans]

I was just reading over a post were RecordProducer, you gave a woman some sound advice on self confident and self love is what makes us the most attractive.

 

Right on!

 

I am in love with my ex husband were we split 4 yrs ago because i feel we just lost our way.

 

I didnt tell him how i felt for all these yrs because he moved his parents in with him, and I didnt want to make him have to chose.

 

We have always been close, did things together as a family throughout the 4 yrs we have been split. Neither of us had anyone else in our lives, so we remained very good friends.

 

I knew i always loved him, but i fell in love with him about a yr ago. But wanted to wait until he was on his own again before approaching the subject about dating again.

 

Well, in October of his yr, he began a relationship with a secretary that just left her husband one day, and they were a couple the next day. She is 10 yrs older than me, she is 58 yrs old, and I am 47 yrs old. He is a very youthful 51 yr old.

 

I finally told him how i felt, but he has stayed with this relationship. And i respect that. He told me just a month ago that the relationship is like when you love someone because you are with them, that its "not like that between them". He said he still loves me, and can see himself in a relationship with me again because we fought about stupid things, but that he feels he cant trust me. I never cheated, he was just very insecure and maybe my independence caused a certain amount of his insercurities. He said heck, i still dream about you, he said i dreamt about you the other day where we were just sitting down and talking. But i have grown so much since the seperation, and i needed that time. And i truly believe, his journey was to care for his elderly parents.

 

We dont talk much anymore, and we see each other only when my son has a dr appt (he is currently struggling with Graves Disease, he is 20 yrs old)...but I have stated dating, and moving on with my life, but i would lie if i didnt feel that we really do belong to each other. I have known this man since i was 16 yrs old. I believe we just lost our way.

 

I will follow your advise about showing and doing things to move on with my life and show that my life is happier without him. He wants to stay with this woman even though it seems its nothing more than a grand friendship, but i know he still loves me and i still love him very much, but because he knows or thinks i am still single, there is nothing to lose, right? I know that when you know someone loves you, and you are with someone else new, that there is no perceived loss, because you feel they will always be there for you if this relationship doesnt work out. And i dont want to be that person.

 

I will continue to move on with my life, and if its meant to be, it will be. He let me go 4 yrs ago, and my life, somehow, lead me back to him, now I guess i have to let him go, and if its meant to be, his journey will lead him back to me

[Navin_R_Johnson]

Fascinating.

 

Do you have any more background on the breakup, who left, and why?

[guessjeans]

I was the one that left, but it was he, during a fight, said I'm tired of the fighting, lets put the house up for sale..and i did!

 

I dont think he thought i'd do it, but i did. He didnt want me to leave, but i felt i had to. I went from my parents home, to "our home"..never paid a bill, never responsible out on my own..I allowed him to look after a lot of things. I didnt know any better, heck, i was 6 months from my 18th birthday when we moved in together.

 

I have started to do some reading, and I believe he has a lot of traits of those with a narccisist personality. Low self confidence, builds a wall to disallow ppl to get close to him.

 

He is now in a relationship that is comfortable. There is no threat to his insecurities since she is older than him (almost 60 yrs old..wow huh)..said he always liked older women, from what I am told, a smoker and "weathered looking"..and they have been pinning over each other for years as they work together.

 

A part of me says that the relationship (first for both of them)..she literally left her and husbands home one day, and they were together that night or the next day. A part of me believes that its a relationship made up of two very lonely souls, friends using each other to fill their immediate physical and emotionally needs. He did tell me back in October that they might end up moving in together, and that he really wants to try with her.....but still loves me and dreams about me..and can see us in a relationship, but he has trust issues. Which means, i'm staying with her, I am not going to follow my heart, but stay where things are safe and non threatening.

 

Great love involves great risk! Perhaps he will never realize that. I am beginning to believe that it isnt meant to be, that I am truely meant to be with someone else. Funny tho, in 4 yrs, I have never met anyone until now, but even at that, it will never come to anything because he really isnt my type..there is definately no physical or emotional chemistry there.

Edited March 1, 2008 by guessjeans

[georgia girl]

Guessjeans,

 

You sound like you have a positive direction - good for you. A word of cuation, however. I know sometimes it can seem like the one you're focused on is 'the one' and everything about him/her fits so well with you. That's because you're looking for the similarities. Remind yourself of that when you get drawn back into that thinking.

 

Instead, keep up all the good work. Get out there and live your life. Enjoy everyday. You will become so attractive to many - not just your ex. Men are attracted to happy, confident women with a full life. Pretty soon, you'll be turning down offers from many because you've found a new special someone. With your attitude, you are going to make a great new life for yourself.

 

Good luck!

[Liliz]

Hi Guessjeans,

 

I just wanted to say that your story is trully amazing and your response to my post today really helped and made me feel better.

 

Thank you!!!

 

Liliz