casey001 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Dear L'shackers I need some advice I really love my ex bf!! He broke up with me and was quite cruel about it and had another gf the next day. It has been 2 months of NC and I love him more and more and miss him everyday. I have wanted to contact him but I dont want him to hurt me again and he had a new gf so there was no point. He never contacted me or spoke of me again. Acted like I didnt exsist. I have since learned the new gf has dumped him. Now I have this problem. I understand that he doesn't want me back but im scared he will be hurting. Im scared he will be feeling like I did, that no1 loves him and that he is all alone. I haven't contacted in 2 months only because he had someone else and because he broke my heart and I didn't want to hurt more. I dont want him to be all alone and hurting. So do I contact him and tell him that I love him? I understand we wont get back together but I feel bad that he doesn't know how I truley feel. I would hate for him to think I had moved on and not given another thought to him Im worried he might die or something and he will never know that someone out there truely loved him While we were together I never really expressed how I felt (BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE), i guess i just assumed he knew I loved him. We fought alot over small things to and it was hard to express my love when I was mad or hurting. Anyway he dumped me stating that I dont show him enough affection (along with other reasons) I begged but he was really cruel He did some other cruel things to me but Im willing to let them go. I regret not telling him how I truley feel, I used to tell him how much I loved him all the time but I stopped when the problems started I guess i thought he knew I loved him and its difficult to say I loved him when he was always telling me how much his family and friends hated me. But despite what he has done I dont want him to be hurting or thinking no one loves him when someone truley does I know he doesn't love me (as he said) and I can accept that. When he broke up with me i went crazy with emotions and one day i hated him, the next i didnt care and the next I begged him. He thinks im mad and I just want to explain its because I was hurting and I didn't know what to do!!!! But If I tell him and he is cruel again I will just end up being hurt more and I couldnt take that!!! So what do I do??????
tonyeltiger Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I would take a couple of days to sort out your thoughts and make sure you know that you won't regret what you do regardless of the outcome. I don't think you should say you love him. If he just got dumped, he probably won't want another girl jumping all over him and smothering him with love. It will look like you were just waiting to pounce on him. If you decide to contact him, I would simply be there for him as a friend. If he appreciates that, maybe hang out again in a couple weeks from then. Then you just take it one step at a time. Most will probably disagree with me on this and say stick with NC, but I do believe that sometimes people need to be reminded that no hard-feelings exist. NC, talk to him, either sound fine to me. But keep in mind that NC is the safest, as you cannot get your heartbroken a 2nd time if he rejects you. Good luck.
Author casey001 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Thanks Tony I was with him for 2.5years and she was with him for 2.5 months so its not like id be just another girl pouncing on him! I have had 2.5months to think about and the whole time I just love him and miss him so much. I know what he did was cruel and heartless but I cant stand the thought that I might have hurt him by not telling him how I truley feel. I also cant stand to think someone I love is upset and thinks no1 loves him when infact I do VERY much so! He was fine with hurting me and telling me that he doesn't love me anymore and rubbing a new gf in so I feel like I should be mean back. But I cant! I just want him to know how i feel!! I dont know!!!!!
sedgwick Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Don't do it. You told him you loved him, he knows. You don't have to tell him again. He's choosing to ignore you anyway. So why should you care if he thinks you've moved on? The only thing that could do would be make him want you more. You don't want to be with someone who has flat out told you they don't love you. There has to be someone out there who could at least tell you they love you. If you keep reminding yourself of that, you'll open yourself up to finding someone who will treat you well, and you'll put out the vibe that you're worth it. It's okay to be single for a while.
D-Lish Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 ANyone that treated you the way he did does not deserve your sympathy. I would think long and hard about contacting him and playing nicey-nice.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 It's just your emotions running amuck. I think it's best that you stay in NC, it's the safest way for you to go about things without doing something drastic. Note that he CHOSE to break it off with you, and rub in your face that he had a new gf? How on Earth does that in any way warrant that you should show him any sort of sympathy? He surely hasn't shown you any.
dfreeman Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Casey, Please understand that I really feel your pain and confusion and know that I am not trying to be harsh with you on this. You have something much bigger than love, rejection or even pride at stake here - you are looking at a very good chance of giving someone your dignity. Not only did he toss you in the trash, but he chose to be cruel about it. If you rush to comfort him now, he will see you as and treat you like dirt. Just my opinion, but I wouldn't give up two good months of NC to get kicked in the teeth, or even worse to just get used for comfort. Continue your healing without the bum!
D-Lish Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Completely agree... reaching out to him is handing him your dignity on a platter after the nasty way he has treated you. The fact that he got his heart crunched looks good on him.
Author casey001 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Thank you all sooooooooooooo much for replying! And yes you are all so correct!! This guy really did treat me like dirt! I have no idea why I love him so much! My love grows even more when im doing NC!! Is this normal?? I honestly want to stop loving him but I guess my heart wont let me And you are correct when you say I would be handing my dignity to him on a plate!? This guy was my childhood crush for years and years then I FINALLY got him and now he has gone again! Its so painful when I have been in love with him for years and years and he loved me for about a year then through me out like trash! I don't know how to open my heart and love someone else! Is it even possible?! Anyway thankyou so much for your advice! I wont contact him!!
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