Qualities needed?

[Angels&Airwaves]

As a lonely soul with an un-nurtured heart, I sat down earlier today in the library whilst reading some classic literature and I thought to myself, what qualities you need to possess to attract someone (in my case a woman).

 

I’ve never been blessed with looks, though I don’t feel I am ugly and I have never been blessed with a MENSA like mind, though I am perhaps more knowledgeable than intelligent, I’m never one to get straight A’s, or any A’s for that matter. My style of clothing hair, had no style to it, it was bland and cheap, because I never cared much for fashion, but that has changed and I have made a lot of changes to my wardrobe to improve my appearance and also give me some much needed feeling of grandeur.

 

I have had issues with self-esteem, confidence and self worth for along time, because the minimal self-esteem and confidence I had vanished when I was ridiculed as a small boy at school by those kids who thought I was peculiar (which I was/am) and this has knocked in me in a big way.

 

Personality wise, I think is my best characteristic, I mean most people I’ve ever met have taken a shine to me and have said I’m good egg with a great sense of humour and nice personality. I am charitable individual and I thoroughly enjoy helping people, though of course like everyone else I have my bad moments, where I’m unhelpful & bad tempered, but hey I’m not perfect.

 

So what qualities do you need to attract someone? I have only been in one relationship, a long distance where I poured everything into it and she put very little in. I cut ties and continued with life, but I’m a novice and am struggling to understand why no one is attracted me, okay I’m no one special, but I am a human and I would like to be loved, like everyone else. So why has no girl given me chance? why is no girl interested in me? I’m not after anyone and I’m not desperate just to get into a relationship, but it would be nice if I could attract at least one girl and preferably one who I feel is right for me.

 

People will say, you need to sort your self-esteem out, confidence and self worth, this is true, I’m working on it, as well as my shyness, I’m improving all the time, yet no one is interested in me whatsoever. I guess I’m either a bad egg, with a rotten personality, or I give off the impression I’m anything other than heterosexual.

 

I just don’t understand it, I feel I would make a decent boyfriend, but no one wants me and that’s what brings my mood down and that’s what makes me feel like just respecting the fact that I will be on my own, after all some people find relationships, and go through several before finding their perfect match, some people find their perfect match instantly and some don’t ever find anyone and I’m starting to believe I belong to this category.

 

I’m satisfied with every other aspect of my life, except my love life which is non-existent and I’m starting to realise that love, peace and enlightenment, fulfilment are mans best treasure, not money and fame, and that’s all I want, to be loved and to love, to feel enlightened and fulfilled and to be at peace with myself and with the world, is it too much to ask, I’m beginning to believe it is.

 

So what qualities do you need?

[xpaperxcutx]

As a lonely soul with an un-nurtured heart, I sat down earlier today in the library whilst reading some classic literature and I thought to myself, what qualities you need to possess to attract someone (in my case a woman).

 

I’ve never been blessed with looks, though I don’t feel I am ugly and I have never been blessed with a MENSA like mind, though I am perhaps more knowledgeable than intelligent, I’m never one to get straight A’s, or any A’s for that matter. My style of clothing hair, had no style to it, it was bland and cheap, because I never cared much for fashion, but that has changed and I have made a lot of changes to my wardrobe to improve my appearance and also give me some much needed feeling of grandeur.

 

I have had issues with self-esteem, confidence and self worth for along time, because the minimal self-esteem and confidence I had vanished when I was ridiculed as a small boy at school by those kids who thought I was peculiar (which I was/am) and this has knocked in me in a big way.

 

Personality wise, I think is my best characteristic, I mean most people I’ve ever met have taken a shine to me and have said I’m good egg with a great sense of humour and nice personality. I am charitable individual and I thoroughly enjoy helping people, though of course like everyone else I have my bad moments, where I’m unhelpful & bad tempered, but hey I’m not perfect.

 

So what qualities do you need to attract someone? I have only been in one relationship, a long distance where I poured everything into it and she put very little in. I cut ties and continued with life, but I’m a novice and am struggling to understand why no one is attracted me, okay I’m no one special, but I am a human and I would like to be loved, like everyone else. So why has no girl given me chance? why is no girl interested in me? I’m not after anyone and I’m not desperate just to get into a relationship, but it would be nice if I could attract at least one girl and preferably one who I feel is right for me.

 

People will say, you need to sort your self-esteem out, confidence and self worth, this is true, I’m working on it, as well as my shyness, I’m improving all the time, yet no one is interested in me whatsoever. I guess I’m either a bad egg, with a rotten personality, or I give off the impression I’m anything other than heterosexual.

 

I just don’t understand it, I feel I would make a decent boyfriend, but no one wants me and that’s what brings my mood down and that’s what makes me feel like just respecting the fact that I will be on my own, after all some people find relationships, and go through several before finding their perfect match, some people find their perfect match instantly and some don’t ever find anyone and I’m starting to believe I belong to this category.

 

I’m satisfied with every other aspect of my life, except my love life which is non-existent and I’m starting to realise that love, peace and enlightenment, fulfilment are mans best treasure, not money and fame, and that’s all I want, to be loved and to love, to feel enlightened and fulfilled and to be at peace with myself and with the world, is it too much to ask, I’m beginning to believe it is.

 

So what qualities do you need?

 

Your description of yourself has given me so much insight. And as a woman, I actually find alot of attractive qualities about you. You are very passionate, intelligent and an all around nice guy. Those qualities are very likeable, but what I find very unsettling is your constant doubtfullness. It's very unappealing why a great guy like you would question why you can't attract women. Have you tried to be more assertive with yourself to pursue these so- called women? I understand you have issues with self- esteem and confidence, but from women's view, their ideal men must exude the qualities that men have, a strong and confident facade. Not to mention the occasional cave men like qualities .

 

But back to the topic at hand, I think its very important that you try to present yourself to these women with a bit more pride. Even if you feel downright grumpy and/or irritable, play it off and put up a front of euphorism. That's the kind of quality that can attract women.

[Angels&Airwaves]

Doubtfulness is very unappealing, you’re right there, but it’s spawned much out of frustration rather than doubtfulness towards my personality and appearance, though I believe this is a connotation of the former.

 

I’m not very assertive when it comes to pursuing someone, I never have been assertive, and I’ve just gone with the tide of time and allowed fate take its course, rather than digging my heels into ground and taking control. I know that women like strong and confidence people, and I suppose when I work on my faults and flaws such as shyness, lack of confidence and fear of rejection, then I will be ready to pursue someone.

 

I thank you for your advice, it has been very helpful, and I hope to return the favour someday. I shall take what you have said into account and take things from there, all I need now is to find a girl I’m attracted and interested in.

[shanny]

I agree that confidence may be the thing you are lacking. Confidence is very sexy but in the given situation it is understandable that you are lacking that. There is no magical makeup of what is attractive... some people stick to the "ideal" beautiful people, but other people, like myself leave it all to chemistry. I have dated anywhere from great looking guys to fairly unattractive (by society's standards) guys based on personality and chemistry.

 

Why don't you consider looking for love online? It give you time to get to know people at a slower pace. Once you've talked to someone for a few weeks and realize that you have a lot of things in common, you might find it a lot easier to walk into a date with confidence. And don't take it all so seriously... online dating can be really fun. Just meet people and get to know them and don't be frustrated if the first few don't work out. Go on some dates and build confidence. Don't be so down on yourself... the right girl is out there and will be worth the wait when you find her. Good luck and keep us posted!

[xpaperxcutx]

I agree that confidence may be the thing you are lacking. Confidence is very sexy but in the given situation it is understandable that you are lacking that. There is no magical makeup of what is attractive... some people stick to the "ideal" beautiful people, but other people, like myself leave it all to chemistry. I have dated anywhere from great looking guys to fairly unattractive (by society's standards) guys based on personality and chemistry.

 

Why don't you consider looking for love online? It give you time to get to know people at a slower pace. Once you've talked to someone for a few weeks and realize that you have a lot of things in common, you might find it a lot easier to walk into a date with confidence. And don't take it all so seriously... online dating can be really fun. Just meet people and get to know them and don't be frustrated if the first few don't work out. Go on some dates and build confidence. Don't be so down on yourself... the right girl is out there and will be worth the wait when you find her. Good luck and keep us posted!

I admit that online dating does help to disguise one's insecurities and present them from a more positive light, but it can't help in the long run of things. I think it's best in his situation to actually go out and EXPERIENCE pursuing a woman rather than sit in front of a computer screen. What he needs is to build up self confidence to actually talk face to face with a woman and accustom himself to their signals and responses. It will help him build a larger tolerance against shying away from the opposite sex. And it will definitely help him face with rejection in the long run.

[Angels&Airwaves]

Thank you for your replies, you’ve both been a great help. I wouldn’t be ashamed to try Internet dating, but I can’t say I’m entirely thrilled by the idea. I do generally meeting new people face to face and forging relationships with people that way. I don’t like to hide my personality and I feel on the Internet I would be doing just that. I want people to be able to judge me based on what they have seen, not what they have heard, read or listened to, for example.

 

I’ve actually been gaining much more confidence, self worth and my shyness has evaporated into thin air, probably because I’m starting to look at myself in a different way, I feel more attractive, I look more attractive and I generally think I’m an okay kind of guy. I’ve also been thinking about the idea of rejection and I’m coming to the conclusion that you don’t win any prizes for being cautious and afraid, you have to take your chances, because those who succeed in life are those who take chances, for better and for worse.

 

A funny incident happened last night, I was walking home and I walked past two girls, I was feeling confident, so I smiled at them and said hello, to which they both replied “hello” at an equal timing. Well about five minutes later I heard a shout of “hey, wait up”, I turned around and one of the girls I saw before came up to me and asked me for my number, I was pleasantly surprised and I we exchanged numbers, she later on text me all her contact details, and I did the same.

 

As I’m free and single, I feel its best if I see what other options are out there as opposed to placing all of my wine into one small bag and the bag breaking, so I’ll see what happens, but I have a feeling that my growing confidence was a trigger factor behind me getting this number and who knows there might be more to follow, if nothing comes of it.