consumed Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 So last month I decided I was going to join the Air Force (British) as a technician. After all the testing it looks like I'm going to get in , I'm just waiting on the phone call. My gf and I have been on rocky times over the last month though, and this is not helping. Over the last month we've basically been on the verge of breaking up but trying to make things work out. We live together at my parents which hasn't help, just added more stress although we moved there to save on rent so we could buy a house. Anyways, from my gf's point of view, she's upset to say the least. She feels that I'm abandoning her, she does not drive, is out of work, and if I took off to follow this job I want, I would basically be leaving her stranded at my parents with no work and no way to get around. I do feel bad about the situation but at the same time, this job I'm applying for is an amazing opportunity for me and I want to take it. If it goes through, I would be away for about 3-4 months of training, and then an additional 6 months of training but closer to home so I could visit. She's stood by her word though that if I go in, she's probably not going to wait. She cannot live with her siblings or parents for side reasons so I can see from her side how it feels like I'm abandoning her. My mind is in a swirl!! Any advice? She wants me to put this air force thing on hold for a year, get a job, save for a house and then maybe join again.
Lizzie60 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I have only ONE advice... NEVER, EVER give up your goals/dreams for a woman.. never... You are not responsible for her.. she should be mature enough to understand and to take care of herself...
Enema Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Cons: - No job - No car - No relationship with parents - Controlling - Selfish - Needy Pro: - She puts out. Now that we've weighed up the pro's and con's I can see why this is a hard one!
Author consumed Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 I agree about following your dreams, this has always been one of my main ones but to give it up for a relationship that is on the rocks... I dunno... I don't think she is being fair, she's being selfish. At first she supported me but once she learned I would be away for so long, that diminished fast. I do feel bad about the situation though, I'm a people person and knowing I would be leaving her stranded which I am right? no way to ger around, leaving her at my parents, and she has 0/job money makes me feel horrible. At the same time though I feel it's also unrealistic of her to not care about what I want, leaving this opportunity and hoping that it's still here in a year and care to her needs in the mean time. This past year has been full of up's and downs for us, we've grown more apart then together, although she doesn't feel that way. She has massvie mood swings takes out her anger on me, and then wonders why I'm not affectionate as I use to be, and through talks, I've already told her, it's like a snow ball effect. The more she's mean to me, the more I disstance myself. Anyways though, I feel bad but I agree that this is my big dream and to to give it up for one year, as she wishes is crazy, just to try at a relationship that has been falling apart all year.
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Why can't she get a job? then she can move out, get an apart... get a life on her own..
Author consumed Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Why can't she get a job? then she can move out, get an apart... get a life on her own.. She's looking... just not hard. For now, she also can't move out because she literally has nowhere to go, she can't move back in with her parents, and she could stay with her siblings but not for a period more then a wk I imagine. My parents none the less have offered her to stay free of charge if she wants while I am serving. Still though, she's not willing to wait for me. But hey... she's ok with me going to serve in 1 year, just once we are settled.
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 She's looking... just not hard. For now, she also can't move out because she literally has nowhere to go, she can't move back in with her parents, and she could stay with her siblings but not for a period more then a wk I imagine. My parents none the less have offered her to stay free of charge if she wants while I am serving. Still though, she's not willing to wait for me. But hey... she's ok with me going to serve in 1 year, just once we are settled. Don't waste your time with her.. She will be OK.. That will force her to get a life.. seriously, she's got a lot of 'growing up' to do.. and trust me you will benefit from it too... Don't settle for a needy, jealous girl who is too selfish to see past her own needs...
Els Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Just to clarify, do the reasons for her being out of a job and unable to live with her parents have anything to do with you? As in, did she quit her job for you or anything of the sort? Where was she living before you got together?
confusedwife84 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Being a Raf wife myself I have to say that waiting a year wont make it any easier for her, she will always have times when she is on her own, as you will be away on many detachments, also you will be moved station every 3years so she will have to move and leave the life she's used to. The inital training wont be the only training you'll do, my husband has been away on many training courses, and it means him being away for a few weeks/months depending on the course. I'm happy as a Raf wife, I have the support of other wives, and get used to hubby being away, we got a dog so I have company while he is working odd shifts or off on detachment etc. My hubby's brother thought about signing up for the RAF but his girlfriend said she wouldnt move and wouldnt wait for him, so did never signed up. Now you have the two brothers, my husband is married, has a secure job, his own house, car, etc. However his brother is still with the girlfriend they rent a one bed flat, he is working 2jobs, he has got his parents and my hubby to bail him out of a few sticky situations with cash, but has still in the last month had to declare himselve bankrupt. I often wonder how different his life would have been if she had supported him and he had joined the RAF? I don't envy your situation it is a hard decision to make, in a way I do think I was lucky that when I met my hubby he was already in the RAF so the job came with him, but I do think you should think carefully about putting your career on hold, yes you could put it on hold for a year but from my understanding you would not definately get to train as a technician, as they recruit to fill empty slots, so just now they need technicians next year they may need .....? I hope information has been some help, if you have any questions just let me know and I will try to help.
crazybaby Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 My boyfriend of 3 and a half years has been thinking of joining the Navy. i have always been apposed to THE ARMY as i called it. Threw them all in together. Hes always wanted a "career, money car home" i have always been live for the moment, never had a plan at all. Work bum jobs but have been happy. At the moment we are living with my parent as i am out of work at the moment but i am actively seeking work, have a few applications sent off and a few yet to fill in. He has despaired at me for not wanting possessions and a career, whereas iv despaired at him for wanting them lol. When he first told me i went off on one, not understanding why he would want to join up and leave his family, leave me to go and die as i seen it. His reply was, the decision was made before we even met. That angered me boy! We have had a few rough weeks leading up to this discussion and after. But i love him and after all what he wants to do is improve his and our lives. If it was on the other foot i thought to myself i should act like i would want him to treat me. So i went online tried to educate myself on the navy with an open mind. i still have reservations and am scared where it could lead, but i love him with all my heart and want him to be happy, us to be happy so seeings as i am not career minded i shall follow where he leads with a happy heart Perhaps you could try to educate your gf on the RAF, the benefits and pitfalls and all and if she is still not willing to understand and accept you're dreams then perhaps she is not the girl for you
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I think this is a wonderful opportunity for both you and your selfish g/f. It will hopefully be the much needed kick in the arse for her to get independent and stop being a sponge. Put a deadline on her living with your parents. She's got 3 months to find employment and her own place. Driving skills are a must for everyone, she can go take a course. Do not delay your career opportunity and buy a house with this girl. Imagine getting another opportunity a year later, having to leave, while she sits pretty at home, sponging off you. Be careful of jurisdictions with common-law marriages.
Recommended Posts