richardcruz Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I had a dream of her last night. I dreamt that I was at some party at a house that was unrecognizable to me. Anyways I had stepped outside to get some fresh air. As I headed back to the house, I turn the corner and there she was. We both stay staring at each other. I nervously say hi. She says hi back. She gets closer and then she hugs me. She holds me tight and she starts crying audibly with her head lying on my shoulder. I hold her tight. “I’m so sorry for treating you the way I did” she says. “Why didn’t you call me?” I ask. “Because I was afraid that you wouldn’t forgive me” she replies. Everything feels so real. I can feel her in my arms. I can smell her hair. I can feels her tears soaking through my shirt. I’m not crying as I hold her close to me. My emotions have been exhausted. It feels as I had been waiting years and years for this very moment. It feels as if all my depression and worries are instantly lifted when we hug. I feel happy for the first time in a long time. I’m complete again. I think to myself “God I truly l_ve this girl.” We stay holding each other… Then I wake up to the sound of my alarm. Time to go to work. Another long day. Its been over a month since I started NC. It seems that everytime my phone rings or I receive a text messge, something inside of me wishes its her calling. However that hasn’t been the case since I stopped calling her, and I severely doubt it ever will. This has been the most painful thing I have ever had to go through and everything really hurts still. Obviously, Its (been) time to move one, and I’m trying as hard as I can. But I horribly miss her and everything still reminds me of her. I wish I could fast forward to a time when things are better and not so painful. I always feel sad now. Its the same thing every single day. When I drive alone, I tend to think about everything. I’m so tired of it all. I wonder how long its going take. This past month felt like an eternity. What I wouldn’t do to just hold her once more. I guess the reality of the situation is that if she really wanted to talk to me, she'd call me, and she hasn't done that.
serendip Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 All I can say is stay strong with the NC unlike me... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t145617/ I recall it gets harder...and then easier best of luck
eagle5 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Richard I know exactly what you are talking about as Iv'e had dreams of her again recently. It kills me the next day, I felt it was so real. I wish I could nc her in my dreams too! My dreams were weird because she wasn't coming back to me in 1 of them and I knew it, then in another she was back and my mum was saying 'well it's your life and you are old enough to make your own decisions so go for it'. The day to day stuff is getting easier (with relapses) so keep going forward. Just think next month will NEVER be as hard as this past month, and you can say the same again at the end of next month (and on and on..) And you are right, if they really cared about us, they would call, well someone is out there that WILL care like that in the future.
tonyeltiger Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I know exactly how you feel. It has only been 5 days of NC for me and every day drags on forever. A friend of mine commented to me today that this week has gone so quickly. I agreed out of courtesy, but inside I felt like it has been a month. I also have had dreams ever since she left. Recently thankfully I haven't had one in a couple days (jinxing it I know). One felt so real that I woke up and thought that we were still together. I just about called her to tell her good morning and that I loved her. Then as I began dressing it dawned on me that it was all an illusion. I literally fell into my computer chair and had to regain my composure. The saddest thing is that I'm fairly certain she knows how much I love her, but really doesn't feel the same way anymore. Now another man has everything that I want in the world. Today was the hardest day in the past 5 days of NC. I wanted to rwrite her one last time and tell her things that I am working on about myself to make myself better for her. But know that I won't because I am probably just a bad memory to her now and she wants to focus on this new guy who doesn't love her nearly as much as I do. *sigh*
eagle5 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 The saddest thing is that I'm fairly certain she knows how much I love her, but really doesn't feel the same way anymore. Now another man has everything that I want in the world. Today was the hardest day in the past 5 days of NC. Tony this other man will NEVER have what you had, just remember that, and as you start to heal, this guy may well end up being dumped later on too, by which time you will be in a better place and ready to move on..
Author richardcruz Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Everyday is a struggle for me not to call her but know this isn't the thing to do and it just would push her further away. The only thing that keeps me from doing this is remembering how she wouldn't even let me talk at the end of our relationship. She would flat out just hang up on me. Once I was even crying because everything just hurt and she told me she didn't have time for this and she clicked on me. If she didn't want to talk to me then, she doesn't want to now. I struggle to accept that because its very painful.
serendip Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Just remind yourself that she doesn't want to have anything to do with you in any shape or form Everyday is a struggle for me not to call her but know this isn't the thing to do and it just would push her further away But this statement indicates that you have some hope she might come back if you do NC Richard based on what you have previously told us...she isn't coming back...so you have to do things that will help you to move on She might one day contact you to see if you are alright b/c she might feel guilty...but she will not take you back
s_n_d Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Stay strong and Keep up the NC. Its been a month of NC for me too and Ive had a few dreams about him coming back to me as well. Look at it realistically though. It was only a dream. We need to realize that everyday we sulk over our exs when we could be out there enjoying our lives... Ive realized that I will never get the three months I lost post breakup...when I was sitting at home crying, getting depressed etc..
SarahT111 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 The saddest thing is that I'm fairly certain she knows how much I love her, but really doesn't feel the same way anymore. Now another man has everything that I want in the world. Today was the hardest day in the past 5 days of NC This little comment made me cry! I feel the same. My ex knows how much I love him and he doesn't feel the same anymore. He has another gf and this girl has everything I want in the world :mad: How did she get to be so lucky :mad: Breaks my heart. Richard: I dream about my ex all the time Its horrible! I love sleeping because it takes my mind off the pain but I hate waking up as when it hits it seems to hit harder everytime! The dreams are hell!! I wake up and for a moment everything is ok and im happy, then all of a sudden it hits and it hurts more every time! Im so sorry to hear about your pain I dont know what to say to make it better! I would love to wave a magic wand and make everything ok for you! Im sorry im useless at giving advice when im going through the same thing as I dont know what works and what doesn't! I think the worst thing I ever did was stalk my ex and his new gf on internet pages. It destroyed my life so if you are doing that PLEASE stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know you just want to contact them but think of the consequences before hand! When I tried to contact my ex he was a totally different person. Cruel, mean and in love with someone else. He was no longer the man I knew and it tore my heart out! I also went through friends to see how he was doing and when I learnt he was great and really happy and never thought about me it reallly hurt!! Contacting them when your this emotional is a big mistake! (as i learnt) One day I was sooooooooooooo mad at him and screamed all this abuse at him (things I should NEVER have said) The next day I would act all cool and pretend I had a new bf and I didn't care. Then the next day I would beg and plead for him to change his mind! He thinks im crazy (understandably) and would never come back to me! So please don't act on these swinging emotions if you get them! Hope some of this helped
MalachiX Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I had one of those dreams last night too. I've been having them on and off since we broke up (few weeks ago) but last night was the hardest. I had a dream we were somehow in the same place again (don't remember the details exactly but I think we were teaching at the same school or something). We avoided contact for most of the dream until we were finally face to face. I said, "I'm sorry I treated you poorly and couldn't make you happy," and she responded, "I'm sorry too. You made me happy." We then, in typical cheesy romance fashion, rushed into each others arms and didn't let go. Needless to say I didn't want to get out of bed afterwards. Like I said, I've had some dreams like this before but none this bad. It's like getting hit in the chest with a hammer. I also know what you mean about the calls and texts. I'd resolved NC until I got my head together and decided what I wanted in life but I broke down and called today anyway. She didn't answer, which was probably good, since I still don't have my head together. I just have this lingering feeling that I'll eventually get centered, realize that she was really the best thing in my life, and it'll be too late.
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