Habibti Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I'm starting to feel like the comfy pair of slippers. He tells me he loves me, I'm very much in love with him but begginning to feel like he's "too" comfortable. I'm not really sure if this is all in my head or what..so I will further explain. So, in the period of the last two weeks I have dealt with a best friend dying unexpectedly. A sister giving birth to a nephew who is the sweetest most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, never have I felt so much love in my heart for anything as that little Angel..and having him ripped out of my life becuase the baby's father is abusive, controlling and a known drug addict and dealer and has demanded I have nothing to do with him because I made it clear that I notice any marks on the baby I'm reporting him.Losing the baby out of our lives has litterally caused my mother to borderline have a nervous breakdown. Meanwhile everyone has leaned on me to be the glue to keep it all together. I don't even know anymore how I feel about anything, I am so busy trying to keep everyone else up... It's relevant that I share that with you so you understand the mindframe I speak from...because like I said maybe I am over-reacting due to being overwhelmed. So, his actions...He runs his own business but that being said if he really WANTS to about 80 percent of the time he can get out of things to tend to other things. I've expressed that I want him to talk to for support. Not every single day, minute or hour. No I think only once in all of this have I sent him a message his way expressing I really need him in the moment. He never called. The next day when he gets around to it he's sweet and upbeat as if we never missed a step. I say nothing because I figure maybe it was one of the 20 percent of time when he COULDN'T get out of it. Fair enough. The other night I began to have an anxiety attack. I could feel my heartbeat going through the roof, my chest hurt badly and my breathing was labored. I asked if he would sing me a song. I didn't express that I thought it would help me relax but either way he kind of whined about how tired he was. A little while later he went to sleep. Again I just felt like "Thanks for being there for me".Maybe I'm being a brat and asking too much? A few days later I shoot him another message asking if we could watch a movie together, expressing how much it would mean to me and that I'd love that. He calls about ten minutes before I get off work- I'm through the roof thinking YAY he's going to finally spend time with me! He doesn't mention he's going out to dinner with his friend Amire (he's male).I give up trying to call after he doesn't take my second call and just go to bed. He calls around 1:30 am to explain where he was and such. Last night I call him in the middle of the night after a bad dream. He's extremely lovey dovey and says how glad he is I called him. I'm thinking...you have a phone don't you? So naturally I just think he must of been working all night. When he mentions he got off work about four hours prior, when he KNEW I was waiting for him to call..I got a little irritated. Maybe naggy but damn I only have so much patience. "Why didn't you just call me earlier if you wanted to hear from me?" "I don't know..I thought you were sleeping" "That's never stopped you before (very true!)" "Eh I know but I didn't know if I wanted to go sleep or what I was going to do.. (I guess it took him 4 hours to decide?) Thoughts?
Eilonwy Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 First of all, good luck with all the stuff you're going through. That sounds really hard. In the singing case, I think you can't really blame him for not reading your mind. It is really hard to notice such things sometimes when you're not face to face. The not calling back could be understandable, but not even mentioning it is quite rude in my opinion. I think you should bring these things up to him, because otherwise they will just add up and in the end you'll explode and yell at him or be overly sad. Now, I think he should be there more for you, but from what you wrote it sounds like you haven't openly told him how important it is for you. It could be that he seriously doesn't realize it's serious and that you need him. I think you should have an open conversation with him and raise all the points that you listed here and explain to him why it's bad for you. If he loves you, he will definitely try to be there more, and from the sound of it he does, but doesn't think about his actions (or lack thereof, i.e. not calling when he knew you were waiting) enough.
TMichaels Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Now, I think he should be there more for you, but from what you wrote it sounds like you haven't openly told him how important it is for you. It could be that he seriously doesn't realize it's serious and that you need him. I think you should have an open conversation with him and raise all the points that you listed here and explain to him why it's bad for you. If he loves you, he will definitely try to be there more, and from the sound of it he does, but doesn't think about his actions (or lack thereof, i.e. not calling when he knew you were waiting) enough. Have to agree with Eilonwy. If you haven't been up-front telling your b/f what you need, then don't get mad at him or feel abandoned when he doesn't. If you do tell him what you need and he doesn't come through, then that's a different matter. But, to silently fuss and fume about expectations or needs you've not expressed isn't fair or beneficial to either one of you. Sorry to hear you've had to cope with so much in your life in the past few weeks. During times like this, getting support from others is important. It's rare that one person can fulfill all our needs in times of crisis. There's nothing wrong with getting that support from more than your boyfriend, too. Best, TMichaels
compassion42 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Sometimes the "comfy slippers" stage happens and one person may need to be a little more forward with what their needs are. Also, just curious about the singing-normally would he sing for you if you asked him? Could you call him at a time when he is not sleepy next time or is there a time zone issue? LDR's are hard, hopefully yours has some positives to outweigh the negatives that are currently going on.
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