eagle5 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 If your ex wanted to reconcile with you, would you do it or would the heartache they've caused this far deter you? I am borderline yes/no because I love her with all my heart and soul BUT I couldn't bare thinking about the possible heartache that may result if it doesn't work out again. Once bitten twice shy.....maybe, maybe not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SarahT111 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Im kind of the same I love this guy with all my heart Always have He is my world and im so lost without him But he has casued me so much pain and he has treated me so badly and cruley! I have no idea why I still love him so much My heart aches everyday and he is the only one that can change that. Yet I dont know if I could be with someone who has the capabilities to be so nasty and cruel! How do I stop loving him??????????????
richardcruz Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I would definitely take her back.. just to stop the hurt, agony, and loneliness.
serendip Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I wouldn't take her back unless we get some serious counselling...and she made some serious efforts to regain my trust ...and then even then I'm not sure I would take her back...but I would forgive her
Mouldylocks Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I would take him back, on the condition that we both work toward better, more open communication. I'm working on the issues that were my contribution to the break up (my god am I working.....) and I've gained perspective on the situation and my unrealistic expectations. I love him dearly, but he's a damaged soul too. We couldn't save each other, so I'm saving myself. He has to do his bit. It's funny, we never really argued at all - perhaps it would have been better if we had. Yup, I still adore the guy and would welcome him back with open arms and no recriminations - just a willingness to learn and grow together as a couple.
dfreeman Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I can't honestly say what I would do until I heard her reasons for wanting to reconcile, but I'm pretty sure that I would just take this whole thing as a very harsh/painful lesson and choose to move on. Taking her back would certainly stop some of the pain and emptiness I feel without her and her daughter in my life right now, but I am arriving at the realization that we just didn't belong together. She would definitely have to start by going to counseling with me, and then we could discuss getting back together???
s_n_d Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I would only take him back IF he made up for all the things hes done to me over the past four months (since we've broken up). Im not going to let him walk all over me when/if HE decides he wants me back.
SadShamrock Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 No, never. I hope to some day forgive him for my own sake, but even then, I would never give him another moment in my life. He does not deserve what I have to give anymore.
Event Horizon Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Heck NO! I've been through too much pain to turn back now. I prefer to keep looking forward and not look back. She called me 35 days after she dumped me(and 35 days NC) saying she missed me... and I ignored her. Yeah, I cried while not calling her back but I didn't call, and that's all that matters. I still love and miss her but the chance she could hurt me again is not worth it. E..H
prideandcourage Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 From the perspective of the dumped, yes, but I'd have to get the feeling that she is willing to be more honest and open with me, and understand that I'd want to start off slow. A fresh start while being cautious, and I think it is worth another chance. In my case though, it's hard to imagine that she'd want to start again.
g1976b Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 This really is a GREAT question...simple, but powerful. I think it's because the answer to that question has been, and continues to be a moving target for me. I've been without my ex for 6 weeks now. I think it's safe to say that until the last week or two my answer would have been "definitely". Now, it's just not that simple. If I'm honest I'd say that yes, I would give her another chance. I was the one who was dumped but it's getting to the point where she's being so selfish and hurtful in this whole thing that I'd probably have to put some conditions on it. I'd want us to go to counseling together and for the most part I think I'd look at it as us "starting over" instead of going back to the way things were. She would need to explain the past few months to me as well.
Crestfallen_KH Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 No, I wouldn't. I was actually willing to work on the marriage even though he'd lied to me and cheated on me. Then he moved in with her after her husband moved out. Even then, I kept waiting for that call. But then I found out he was planning trips with her over the new year (apparently out of the country somewhere) and he took her around to meet his mom - even though we hadn't even STARTED the divorce paperwork yet. That was when I realized that not only did he truly not love me anymore, but he didn't even have any respect for me, my feelings or our history. I'm not even sure he liked me. All he cared about was himself, what he wanted and his new relationship. That was when i really started to let go so that I could save myself.
g1976b Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 That was when I realized that not only did he truly not love me anymore, but he didn't even have any respect for me, my feelings or our history. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Thanks Crestfallen. It's hard after a break up when they're telling us one thing but actions are showing us another. I think I'm just now realizing that despite what she says, her actions show that she does not love or respect me and what we had. Great nugget!
Crestfallen_KH Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Hi, g1976b. Yeah, it's really tough when to accept that a person you love could behave so thoughtlessly and selfishly. I wanted to believe so much that I found myself ignoring a good lesson: When people show you who they are - believe them. Even a partner or spouse.
BrianG Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Im with dfree, I am 98% sure I would say yes based on some conditions and a lot of talking. Considering I was mainly at fault for the break-up and I love her more than anything I know it would be worth it. I have learned so much in our time apart that I am confident in myself and my new found respect for her, myself and life. I pray for the chance, but unfortunately I know i will never have it. Oh well, such is life. Its a nice thought, but I have to continue moving on with my life.
onmyownagain Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I would hope I had the strength to not take her back, it didn't work then and wont work now so really I am best left alone.
XxBacktoBlackXx Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Hell to the NO. I wouldn't even shake his hand, to be honest with ya.
dfreeman Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Im with dfree, I am 98% sure I would say yes based on some conditions and a lot of talking. Not that it matters much, but I was 98% in favor of saying no...I only gave saying yes based on conditions a 2% chance
ANGUISHEDandBROKEN Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Everybody here knows that basically.....SECOND CHANCES NEVER WORK!!! At least thats what I have learned here. So why would anybody want to take their ex back? I dont know!!! I say NO, NO, NO!!!! Even though I feel like saying YES, YES, YES!!! But I have so much to look forward too, so many new experiences and women to meet! And if Im with her, I wont be able to do it!! HAHHAHAHAHAAHAH...... FORGET IT! It was a great moment in my life without a doubt, but now its over! And another thing goes..... The pain we have all been through! Why let that person back after the suffering they caused? The thing that hurt/s me the most is the REJECTION!!! "So Im not good enough?"....and they look for someone better than us??? I HAVE HURT PRIDE!!!! I CAN FORGIVE AND FORGET, BUT I WILL NOT BOW DOWN!!! FRIENDS......YES ONCE AGAIN AN ITEM.....NO I actually would love to have her call me and say she wants me back so that I could politely deny her, and tell her that I am healing and so should she so that we can be good friends in the future... MY EGO WOULD BE BOOSTED HIGH AND MIGHTY AND ID TAKE MY LOST PRIDE BACK!
Author eagle5 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Good answer A&B, I can't decide what stage of the grieving process I'm in!!!!! Part of me thinks she'll call!! Part of me even imagines the whole break up is just a dream!!!!!!!!!! - after nearly 3 months I'm ashamed of that :-( BUT I do have a few moments of inspiration (be them very far and few between) when I think there is more out there in the future, trouble is I can't ever see it being as good as that was. Anyway I'm forgetting one HUGE point here, could I ever trust her again - truely, honestly - NO!!!!! I've just arrived in Australia (my job) and the last time I was here was with her :-( , I was dreading it but actually I'm doing ok, another step forward.........
flosslight Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 No, I might have a few weeks ago. I would have said maybe depending on his reasons, but that is no longer true. This is true for so many reasons. We stayed in contact a bit and he is very selfish. He was also my first serious relationship. I'm in my mid-twenties and did not mind giving up dating for the right guy, which I thought was him. Right now, I want to date more. I hope to be his friend one day but if that does not happen, I'm okay with that too. I just do not want to be friends with him right now.
Travis300 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 If your ex wanted to reconcile with you, would you do it or would the heartache they've caused this far deter you? I am borderline yes/no because I love her with all my heart and soul BUT I couldn't bare thinking about the possible heartache that may result if it doesn't work out again. Once bitten twice shy.....maybe, maybe not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would in a heartbeat...Thats the only thing that would stop me...if she broke up me with again, I'd probably kill myself
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