Knights Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Ok so a a back story first. I met this wonderful woman where i work but nothing happened as i was in a relationship. I knew there was something between us but i thought i'd do the right thing and just keep things the way they were, seeing each other at work, have a laugh etc etc. So at the end of January my ex left me and this other woman who is seeing someone some how found about it, she didn't say anything but come valentines she asked if i'd like to go have a drink and a dance with her, so of course i thought why not, we ended up having a few kisses and a cuddle and that was good, no rushing off to bed. Her partner lives in another town, so he wasn't around on valentines, she also now lives there as she's a student and had to go back to continue her studies. So we've since had alot of contact and it turns out her current partner is mister safe, they don't have much fun together but she's attracted to the safety of it. I for some reason get to be mister fun, make her laugh, flirt with her, make her think she is attractive (for some reason she doesn't believe she is but i'm struggleing to remember a woman i've met who is as attractive as her). She is comming down this weekend without her partner and wants to catch up, go out have a drink and a dance. While i'm sorely tempted to the question is should i? I know i'm a distraction and thats about it, but i also know if i do go out with we'll end up fooling around. She's a wonderful person but do i go ahead and be her other guy so when she's down here she can have some fun or do i just say nope if your interested in me i'm not going to be the guy on the side? Yeah so that's about it. Sorry if it doesn't make much sence.
Tomcat33 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Makes perfect sense don't worry! Ask yourself what do you want out of this relationship, do you want a friends with benefits scenario or do you want more? If you like her enough to see yourself falling for her or developing emotional ties to her (for the simple fact you are even asking this question it seems you already do feel some sort of emotional connection) then continuing like this is a very bad idea you can get very hurt in the end.
Owl Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Its a simple series of questions to ask yourself. Do you care enough about this woman to avoid tempting her to cheat? Do you value yourself and your personal honor enough to choose not to be the OM? Is she important enough to want to establish a relationship built from honesty and openness...one with no 'dark, hidden part'? Do you have a moral compass that tells you that starting a relationship with someone who is already involved with someone else is wrong? Do you think that participating in the destruction of someone else's relationship..."stealing their love" is ok...or is it wrong? Does your sense of honor outweigh your desire to just get what you want? These are simple questions...and so is the choice. You already knew the answer when you posted here...you probably just didn't like it and hoped to find like-minded people to validate going against what you knew you should do.
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Tell her to call you when she's ended her relationship. Don't be her side dish, her fun on the side. If she likes you enough and her relationship really IS rocky and what she says is really true, then time will prove this. Right now you're not too attached, continue down the path you're on now, your heart will hurt and you may regret getting involved with her, let alone, be her partner in crime. (helping her cheat on her boyfriend.)
Author Knights Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I know what i need to do, it's at odds with what i'd like to do. I'm going to keep in touch with her and see if theres anyway we can remain friends without anything else happening but thats going to be it.
Owl Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Once you've crossed the line (and that's crossed when you admit to each other how you feel...its got nothing to do with actually sleeping together)...going back to being 'just friends' almost never works out. Its usually just a way to prolong the affair in a different context for a while. Its up to you...but doing anything less than completely breaking off contact with her is going to do nothing more than prolong the situation.
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