dfreeman Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Im going to be in (my home town) in a few weeks been enjoying the sunny weather here ...ya know, it's REALLY sunny in HELL - why don't ya go there!
Author serendip Posted March 23, 2008 Author Posted March 23, 2008 Well the ex just texted me "hey I'm in (my town) at the game(nba game)" I don't know why she is telling me this...what's the point? I never bothered to respond to her coming to town in her last text...cuz she never ask me a question but i did respond this time...I just said "looks like it's a good game" I was watching it at the time....game was tied with 2 mintues to go She didn't respond... I didn't make a big deal that she's in my town...didn't even acknowledge it...as if I expected it ...not sure what her intentions are...but there is no way i'm gonna ask her to meet up
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Well the ex just texted me "hey I'm in (my town) at the game(nba game)" I don't know why she is telling me this...what's the point? I never bothered to respond to her coming to town in her last text...cuz she never ask me a question but i did respond this time...I just said "looks like it's a good game" I was watching it at the time....game was tied with 2 mintues to go She didn't respond... I didn't make a big deal that she's in my town...didn't even acknowledge it...as if I expected it ...not sure what her intentions are...but there is no way i'm gonna ask her to meet up Why did you respond to her? She dropped a fishing line. You took it! Hook, line and sinker....
Trimmer Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Why did you respond to her? She dropped a fishing line. You took it! Hook, line and sinker.... Well, maybe he grabbed the bait and got away, but didn't really notice the gouge the hook left in his cheek...
vivrantflo Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Wow, why on earth did you respond to her desparate and weak attempts at contact?? Now ask yourself... what did the response of "looks like it's a good game" do for you?? Nothing.. Actually you made a mental note that she ignored the hell out of you.. and you're once again thinking about her "intentions".(which are keeping you on a string, and staying in your thoughts) What did it do for her?? "ahhh, he WAS playing hard to get, but he still cares about me.." You gave her what she wanted..why SHOULD she respond to you?? She's NOT asking for you back. She's NOT even asking to meet up. Why, why, why would you give her the satisfaction of responding??
mas21 Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 this is interesting to me because i am in a similar situation but i am the one asking my ex to hang out, one which i broke up wtih years ago. He replies to my texts but ignores my hangout questions. So im guessing from my experience by not replying that will be harder on her or bother her more. Sending anything will confuse her, if its other than getting together. Therefore, if you dont think you should see her then dont reply at all.
Author serendip Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Cali and V. I understand what you guys are saying....perhaps ignoring her would have been the best. But it didn't actually bother me that much that she told me she is in my city now...and I responded. At first I wondered what her intentions are..I know she wants me to ask her to meet up(that's not happening)...but after I posted on LS. I went out to see a movie with friends...and I barely thought about it(maybe b/c I expected this out of her). I had a good night sleep...I didn't think about her until I read your guy's responses.
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Cali and V. I understand what you guys are saying....perhaps ignoring her would have been the best. But it didn't actually bother me that much that she told me she is in my city now...and I responded. At first I wondered what her intentions are..I know she wants me to ask her to meet up(that's not happening)...but after I posted on LS. I went out to see a movie with friends...and I barely thought about it(maybe b/c I expected this out of her). I had a good night sleep...I didn't think about her until I read your guy's responses. Ok then spend less time thinking about her and MORE time hanging out with friends
serial muse Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 this is interesting to me because i am in a similar situation but i am the one asking my ex to hang out, one which i broke up wtih years ago. He replies to my texts but ignores my hangout questions. So im guessing from my experience by not replying that will be harder on her or bother her more. Sending anything will confuse her, if its other than getting together. Therefore, if you dont think you should see her then dont reply at all. I agree that silence hurts the worst...just want to add, though, that the difference between your situations is that she isn't even asking the OP to hang out...she's dropping hints for him to ask her - which is pretty rude and manipulative, IMO! Good for you for going out with your friends, serendip.
Author serendip Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Ok then spend less time thinking about her and MORE time hanging out with friends Well do... I'm just surprise that it hasn't affected me that much....her being in the city. I thought I would freak out knowing she's in the city(we haven't seen each other in almost a year...since before the break up)....it's more like ...oh well. I knew she would contact me when she was in town...I was coming back from rock climbing...when I got the text...I knew it was her. I didn't reply back right away...made myself something to eat and turned on the game. Then I replied back with nothing of substance just like her text. It didn't make me feel bad. Funny thing is friends of mine invited me to the game(they have a box)...but I declined b/c I wanted to go rock climbing. But it would have been funny...when she text me she was at the game...I text back.."so am I"...and wave to her from the box. I think it really bothers her that I don't acknowledge her being in my town or make a big deal out of it(since she has told me 3 times now)...she's not getting the reaction that she is looking for...out of me. Anyway I think she will contact me again while she is in town...and I will try my best to ignore it.
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 I think it really bothers her that I don't acknowledge her being in my town or make a big deal out of it(since she has told me 3 times now)...she's not getting the reaction that she is looking for...out of me. Anyway I think she will contact me again while she is in town...and I will try my best to ignore it. It doesn't bother her. As long as you reply back to her text messages, she knows you're still waiting around for her. When you stop responding to her completely, then it might bother her. Hopefully by that time you will have moved on.
Author serendip Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 It doesn't bother her. As long as you reply back to her text messages, she knows you're still waiting around for her. When you stop responding to her completely, then it might bother her. Hopefully by that time you will have moved on. I think you might be right
Phateless Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 Serendip, are you the guy who keeps telling us you're doing NC yet every two weeks there's a thread about how you called or texted her? Dude, you seriously need to sack up and get some self-control. In 1.5 years I never ONCE slipped up and called my ex. I called her maybe two or three times and every single time I thought long and hard before deciding I wanted to do it. It was never drunk and never during a desperate moment. Once was to congratulate her on graduating. Once was to get my speakers back. I think that's it. You put yourself through this. This is your own fault. I say this as a fellow man who wants you to heal like I have.
Author serendip Posted March 24, 2008 Author Posted March 24, 2008 Serendip, are you the guy who keeps telling us you're doing NC yet every two weeks there's a thread about how you called or texted her? no...lately it's been her who is initiating the contact and sometimes I respond...sometimes I don't I just have to make the decision not to respond and stick to it for good Until I can completely let go...I won't completely heal I just have to make the decision once and for all
CaliGuy Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 no...lately it's been her who is initiating the contact and sometimes I respond...sometimes I don't I just have to make the decision not to respond and stick to it for good Until I can completely let go...I won't completely heal I just have to make the decision once and for all Until you can see a text or call from her and ignore it without feeling desperate, you won't heal. Focus on you. Forget her. She's old news. She is the past. And the past is something you can not change.
0hpenelope Posted March 24, 2008 Posted March 24, 2008 You know, whenever my ex would tell me "what if we saw each other" whenever I was up in the Bay Area (for non-California people, just think San Francisco), I would just shoot him down and say "Uh... that's not going to happen. I won't let it." Made him madder than a bull that saw red in Pomplona. :-/ And I still stand by it. No matter how much feeling I hold for him, I know that those giddy, happy feelings will only be a short-term thing and not long-term. I gotta go, I gotta go. I want to get over the pain a lot more than I want to see him. So if I happen to see him in my area, I would run the F*CK away from him as fast as I'm able in the opposite direction. If the ocean happens to be nearby, I'd rather jump in and swim as far away as I'm able to. Also... Part of me would like to meet up with her if she's in town since we haven't seen each other in a long time(April 2007). It would be nice to see her one last time but at the same time I run the risk of setting my healing process back big time...also she didn't actually say she wants to meet up. That. That = win. Please keep that in mind, etch it on your heart, write it on your forehead. However you decide to handle this, I'm one of the LS users hoping that the decision you make is the right one for you, whatever this decision may be. Take care of yourself, okay?
Trimmer Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 no...lately it's been her who is initiating the contact and sometimes I respond...sometimes I don't I just have to make the decision not to respond and stick to it for good Until I can completely let go...I won't completely heal I just have to make the decision once and for all All that's left is to stop talking like you are trying to convince yourself that you "have to make the decision", and actually make the decision.
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