Aboohoo Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Hi guys, Its been a while since ive written anything as i thought i was doing well but today it hit me...am i just denying my true feelings? Quick recap...bf of 3 years, 1st love, lived together, worked together, dumped me as he's fallen in love with this American (we're UK) girl online, they've never met, i was heartbroken.... Ok that all happened about 6 weeks ago and since then ive moved back home (which sucks) got a new temp job and started my life all over again but i still cant clear that final hurdle of moving on! I constantly go on his facebook site and check his private messages (i know his password - wrong i know!) and they kill me what they say to each other - they are talking about getting married! Let me remind you they've never met! I know its sooooooooooooooooo wrong to keep checking as im only hurting myself but its like im addicted - but i will make an effort to stop! Its like i see him as my 'possession' and cant let go - is this normal? Im so hurt at how he treated/treats me - ive been discarded and no longer matter - i am nothing! I will say though that about 90% of the time im ok - not thinking about him but its that final 10% i cant cope with but i dont know why as when we did go out he wasn't the best bf - he always left me on my own, hardly talked, never washed, messy, snap at me etc... but i loved him. I dont know if i love him - i know that im not in love with him but i think i still love the old him - during the honeymoon period! Do you think his new internet relationship will last? (oh why do i care) Is it just the honeymoon stage? she doesnt get to see the real him and visa versa only the side which he chooses to show! I suppose its not as easy as turning off a switch - after 3 years of him being the most important person in my life i cant just stop. Sorry guys that this doesnt really make sense, as my head is all over the place at the moment - not even sure what im asking? It just helps to write things down, hear other opinions. I honestly think things would be a lot worst if i didnt have the love shack - is that sad? You guys really help (corney moment) All my friends and family say im better off and that they never really liked my ex as he had NO social skills - probably why his internet relationship is perfect! and if i can clear all my emotions away for a moment i can see all this but my emotions are blocking me from seeing the light! Grrrrr please let me move on and accept things. Im moving to a new city in a few weeks with my best buddies and its just the fresh start i need so i cant wait and who knows who i might meet Oh yes - this majorly peed me off - he cant afford to give me my half of the deposit from the house but he can afford to buy flights and hotel to go see her!!!!! Sorry but i needed to rant - can anyone offer advice? As you can tell im confused, i dont even know if im making sense! xxxxxxx
sedona Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I'm really, really sorry for your pain. I wish I could do something to help (or you could help me for that matter!). But you know you have to stop looking at his Facebook page. That is doing you absolutely NO good. Just stop, for your own good. If it helps you any, I think the chances of his new relationship working out are slim. But he doesn't sound like he was the greatest of guys and you know you deserve better.
Author Aboohoo Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Thanks Sedona - you're right and im really going to try and stop going on it, i know its the right thing to do for me. He wasnt the greatest of guys but unfortunately i fell in love with him and he betrayed that and threw me to the side and now im left to pick up the pieces and its hard but you know what i doing it and im proud of myself. Im just looking forward to the final stage - closure and peace.
EllaDerSpin Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I guess it is a little difficult to get your head around, because of the circumstances. I agree that checking his messages is just torturing yourself. Whether or not they get married, the relationship between the two of you is over. Try to find something to fill your life and become interested in. At least it gives you something different to think about.
mental_traveller Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) Quick breakup recovery plan: 1) Stop checking up on him. Go to total No Contact - no emails or IMs (block him), no Facebook/Myspace checking (delete your accounts ideally - those sites are a huge waste of time and generally suck anyway), no phone calls either making or receiving, no texts. This will be hard at first but within a month or two, if you stick to it then you'll stop caring so much and the pain will subside. 2) Get back into normal life again. Any hobbies or pasttimes you wanted to do but never got around to it? Now's the perfect time to throw yourself into them. How is work/studies? Double your effort and kick ass there to benefit your long-term career prospects. Not in great shape? Hit the gym or take up some physical activity. Work on improving yourself and your confidence will get back to normal. 3) Money - so he won't give you money he legally owes? Take him to small claims court - in the UK it can be filed online and is dirt cheap. Simply the hassle of having to make a court appearance and explain to a magistrate why he has your money will probably make him pay up. You can also get a free 1 hour consultation with a solicitor who can advise on the prospects for recovery. Do *not* let him get away with theft and fraud. 4) Get back into socialising with your friends. Then eventually you might want to start dating again. 5) Forget thinking about how his new "relationship" will go. Who cares? You will just torture yourself. But for what it's worth, the chances of it happening are minimal. They live on different continents and have never even met - the failure rate for those relationships must be at least 95%. But quite frankly, you should hope that he *does* get married, because you will have moved on anyway and that will just make it final. If you have *any* thoughts about him maybe saying sorry and getting back with you, then squash those thoughts right away. Edited February 29, 2008 by mental_traveller
Author Aboohoo Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Hey guys, Thanks SOOOO much for the advice, i will be following it. Ive gone a whole day without checking his facebook - a small start but hey its a start! My life has now reached a new chapter and its exciting - i wont forget my relationship or him (couldnt even if i wanted to) but what i will do is learn from it and never let myself be treated in that way again. The last 24 hours have been a rude awakening to me - i no longer care about his new relationship, yeah it still hurts but i dont allow myself to imagine about whats going on as it has nothing to do with me now, it wont effect me now and i now have a new life without him. By keep going on his facebook etc it doesnt allow me to move on, it keeps the connection between us alive so now ive ended it. Im facing the future with a smile on my face.... thanks again :)
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