D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I've seen some crazy behaviour of late from my married female friends. I don't think men are the only ones who cheat... I was out with three girls I went to highschool with a few weeks ago- all of whom are married, two have kids. I was shocked to hear that two of them have lovers and the other went home with a random guy that night. All of them are in their 30's and just claimed to be bored in their marriages. I have just turned 38- been married, had long term relationships and have never once cheated on anyone.... so I have trouble wrapping my head around the deception. I don't judge my gf's- I've known them all for years.... but the behaviour came as a shock to me. People cheat, I think women are just as prone as men to do it. I know that for me, I would break up with someone before getting together with someone else. At this point in time, I will casually date more than one person- but once I make a committment to someone- I couldn't step out on them.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 People cheat, I think women are just as prone as men to do it. I know that for me, I would break up with someone before getting together with someone else. Agreed, but I believe that women tend to cheat because of a bored/unfullfilled romantic or emotional relationship. And I think that men tend to cheat for bored/unfullfilled sexual experience. Just a generalization. I know that for me, I would break up with someone before getting together with someone else. This is also my moral decision. But I will say that this decision is very difficult. This means that I am likely to choose my sexual happiness over my loving relationship at some point in the future. This thought makes me want to give up on life if only it weren't for this irrational survival instinct of mine.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 It is in the sense that the dominate religions concider it a sin. If a woman is promiscuous, she is concidered a slut. A majority of people concider promiscuous men to be sluts, even if a healthy percentage of men honor promiscuousness.In my eyes, they both have equal negative footing. I've yet to meet anyone who's promiscuous, who isn't validating something about/within themselves, which has nothing to do with sex. I see it as a form of addiction, very much like a need to eat, for comfort. Neither are the most healthy way to address an internal lack. Ideally, this would be the best option. There are a couple of reasons that someone would get themselves into a monogamous relationship, all of which are delusional reasons. 1. The person thinks they could be monogamous for the right person, usually finding that when the romantic honeymoon phase wears off, they are not happy in monogamy. 2. The person is deluded into believing that the relationship will eventually "open".Instead of empowering oneself with delusional rationalizations, wouldn't it make sense to be honest with oneself, take the time to get beyond the honeymoon phase of a relationship, prior to any serious commitment like marriage? Finding someone that openly admits to wanting an open relationship is rare but it happens all the time. Most people attempt to impress though, and monogamy is impressive to many. Remaining single might be a good idea, but many people are not happy single. They crave a loving relationship just as they crave a fullfilled sexual orientation.Refer to my response to your first paragraph. Craving/needing aren't the best ways to approach life. I agree and am not advocating cheating in any way. It is immoral to lie to the one you love, or to hide important details of your life.In this one detail, we do agree. I hope it remains so, on your side. This agrument holds no water with the promiscuous because possessive behavior can be viewed as selfish as well. We all want to be happy, and the answer in this case is for promiscuous people to partner with promiscuous people. As I have described, it is hard sometimes in this culture to even be honest to ourselves. Promiscuity and cheating aren't synonymous.
D-Lish Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Agreed, but I believe that women tend to cheat because of a bored/unfullfilled romantic or emotional relationship. And I think that men tend to cheat for bored/unfullfilled sexual experience. Just a generalization. Well, I agree with you on that one. That seemed to be the reasoning behind my gf's decisions to step out. I guess I just feel that if I am bored and unfullfilled that it is time to move on anyway. I felt that way the last two years of my relationship with my exH... and that is why we split. I have to admit I did a lot of fantasizing about other men during that time (Matt Damon)... but didn't cheat out of respect for him.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I guess I just feel that if I am bored and unfullfilled that it is time to move on anyway. I felt that way the last two years of my relationship with my exH... and that is why we split. I have to admit I did a lot of fantasizing about other men during that time (Matt Damon)... but didn't cheat out of respect for him. I agree. It's much easier to walk away from someone that you don't love anymore than it is to walk because of stupid sexual happiness.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 (edited) I see it as a form of addiction, very much like a need to eat, for comfort. Neither are the most healthy way to address an internal lack. See, even your opinion of promiscuity is demonizing. It's not an addiction. It's a sexual preference similar to heterosexuality, or a craving for oral sex. It's a sexual taste. It can be dangerous like a food craving if moderation is not maintained, but that is the case with everything. Instead of empowering oneself with delusional rationalizations, wouldn't it make sense to be honest with oneself, take the time to get beyond the honeymoon phase of a relationship, prior to any serious commitment like marriage? I couldn't agree more. And that means that promiscuous people need to admit this before they commit themselves to monogamous people. The problem is that promiscuous people do not define themselves as such. Like a homosexual that claims to be heterosexual. We often lie to ourselves first and that is a very difficult thing to admit or even understand. Refer to my response to your first paragraph. Craving/needing aren't the best ways to approach life. Yeah, for a monk. Everything we do is because of craving/need. It's why we fall in love, or have sex at all. We all want to have fun, and most of us live for it. And we should all virtue moderation. Promiscuity and cheating aren't synonymous. To put this back into context. I agree cheating is selfish. But my arguement is that promiscuousness is just as selfish as possessiveness, just opposite selfish. Edited March 3, 2008 by shadowofman
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