Lishy Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I have been reading a few threads and it has got me thinking ...... Recently 3 different men that I used to date have been in contact with me in various ways and basically, in a round about way have asked me to go out with them. All 3 are in relationships and they know I am too. For one I am shocked that they would be willing to do it and for two I could never even contemplate cheating on my bf. It made me look at guys who I used to respect in a very different light. My ex fk buddy contacted me telling me he cant stop thinking about me and that he would love to see me and that I did something to him that no one else has, he virtually begged me to meet him the following day. I know that we were fk buddies but we were both single at the time. He knows I have been with someone for nearly 2 years and I have told him I would never cheat. He has been with his girl for less than a year and is willing to cheat! It shocked me! The next guy is a guy I had a one night fling with (no sex) but since then when I see him I see a twinkle in his eye for me but he never says anything as I am with his friend. Last week though, he made a comment that made it clear to me that he wanted to meet up. He is too in a releationship. Another guy who has been my friend for 7 years and is my very good friend (I love this guy to pieces, as a FRIEND) told me that me and him should meet up in a hotel and have one night of passion, this was after he told me his wife is pregnant with their second child! Why are some people so willing to risk everything they have for sex? How could they look at their partners in the eye after having sex with another girl? Of course I would never meet any of them even if I was single as I could not live with causing another woman pain. Plus I would never trust a guy who had cheated with me so what would be the point? How come some people are willing to do this is my question (seeing as these guys say they are happy in their R)
shadowofman Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Why are some people so willing to risk everything they have for sex? Short answer, ......monkeys. They are ALMOST driven by forces they can't control. I mean they can control them, but like a fat person can control not eating sweets.Reason tells them no, but genetic chemicals tell them yes. And then they rationalize the betrayal however works for them. How could they look at their partners in the eye after having sex with another girl? Looking her in the eye after sex is easy. It's the lie that will eat at their concious. How come some people are willing to do this is my question (seeing as these guys say they are happy in their R) Because they have an overwelming urge to be promiscuous, and be in a loving relationship. And their partners won't let them be promiscuous so they choose the easiest solution, "get away with what you can". It's not very moral solution, but it's a solution in their minds. As for us promiscuous people that are opposed to cheating on our partners. Suicide is the only option.
Author Lishy Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 But how can anyone look their partner in the eye after having sex with another? I would be eaten up with guilt!
carhill Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 But how can anyone look their partner in the eye after having sex with another? I would be eaten up with guilt! The LO and the FF box don't touch. Ever Obtusely, it's the same type of compartmentalization which allows a man to kill for a living during the day (no, I don't mean a soldier) and bounce his baby on his knee at night. FWIW, I see issues like this the same way you do, but I'm not wired like most men.
Woggle Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Some people care about nobody but themselves. The concept that there actions might affect others just doesn't register with them or they don't care.
StartingOver07 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Lishy, did you get back with your bf?
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Wow.. you are describing the 'normal' MM This doesn't surprise me at all you know.. Most men cheat... and if they don't, they either had no chance to do it yet, or they are just 'not lucky'. I had 2 today.. one was out.. the other (from work) came in less than an hour after... pheewwww... I will end up getting caught cheating on my MM one day..
Pyro Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Wow.. you are describing the 'normal' MM This doesn't surprise me at all you know.. Most men cheat... and if they don't, they either had no chance to do it yet, or they are just 'not lucky'. I had 2 today.. one was out.. the other (from work) came in less than an hour after... pheewwww... I will end up getting caught cheating on my MM one day.. pheewwwwww.....I'm glad that is only an opinion.
underpants Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Of course I would never meet any of them even if I was single as I could not live with causing another woman pain. Plus I would never trust a guy who had cheated with me so what would be the point? ...and there you go. I suscribe to this idea as well.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 But how can anyone look their partner in the eye after having sex with another? I would be eaten up with guilt! Lying is a part of bing humans. It's just a matter of rationalization. Most cheating men risk their relationships with the motto, "What she doesn't know won't hurt her" There is a lot of guilt, they just learn to ignore it. Most men cheat... and if they don't, they either had no chance to do it yet, or they are just 'not lucky'. pheewwwwww.....I'm glad that is only an opinion. Actually, polling has suggested that it is over half of men in the gender equal west, maybe close to 70%. And if you count the male dominated cultures of the world, that would be much more then "most". Even in our western cultures not too distant past, men were expected to have mistresses. Now that men have little power over women, they are forced to "cheat".
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Actually, polling has suggested that it is over half of men in the gender equal west, maybe close to 70%. And if you count the male dominated cultures of the world, that would be much more then "most". Even in our western cultures not too distant past, men were expected to have mistresses. Now that men have little power over women, they are forced to "cheat". Where did you read that at? I would like to see it. I don't believe for one second that if a guy hasn't cheated its because he hasn't had the chance to or he isn't lucky enough. Morals have gone out the door in recent times but some of us still hold on to them and honor them.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Some people care about nobody but themselves. The concept that there actions might affect others just doesn't register with them or they don't care. I couldn't agree with you more. Where did you read that at? I would like to see it. I don't believe for one second that if a guy hasn't cheated its because he hasn't had the chance to or he isn't lucky enough. Morals have gone out the door in recent times but some of us still hold on to them and honor them. I'm glad to see there's another person who also believes in upholding what they spout. While we live in the day and age of immediate personal gratification, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 I'm glad to see there's another person who also believes in upholding what they spout. While we live in the day and age of immediate personal gratification, you have to draw the line somewhere. What else could you ask for in a Ramone?
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Where did you read that at? I would like to see it. Kinsey recorded percentage of cheating men at 50something%. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports Some studies were lower, some higher. I am willing to assume that the number is higher than that. You must concider the number of men that cheat and never tell a soul. People that are so guilty for what they have done that they deny it to themselves. It's like taking a poll of innocent people in prison. I don't believe for one second that if a guy hasn't cheated its because he hasn't had the chance to or he isn't lucky enough. Morals have gone out the door in recent times but some of us still hold on to them and honor them. That was a generalization. Certainly some of them are truely monogamous and wouldn't want to have an extra marital encounter. In this case, immorality has stepped up to replace insensitive freedom. Where two hundred years ago, a man would a admit to his affairs with prostitutes or other enounters to his wife, without fear of her leaving him. Today, men opt to lie in order to preserve relationships.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 What else could you ask for in a Ramone? Haha...so true. Shadowman's theory could easily be applied to women. That women who don't cheat, don't have either the opportunity or aren't lucky enough. I also beg to differ on this...
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Kinsey recorded percentage of cheating men at 50something%. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports Some studies were lower, some higher. I am willing to assume that the number is higher than that. You must concider the number of men that cheat and never tell a soul. People that are so guilty for what they have done that they deny it to themselves. It's like taking a poll of innocent people in prison. That was a generalization. Certainly some of them are truely monogamous and wouldn't want to have an extra marital encounter. In this case, immorality has stepped up to replace insensitive freedom. Where two hundred years ago, a man would a admit to his affairs with prostitutes or other enounters to his wife, without fear of her leaving him. Today, men opt to lie in order to preserve relationships. Haha...so true. Shadowman's theory could easily be applied to women. That women who don't cheat, don't have either the opportunity or aren't lucky enough. I also beg to differ on this... Wikipedia isn't that great of a source IMO, but I am not denying that cheating is common because it really is. Of course it can go either way with genders.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Kinsey's report recorded a smaller instance of cheating in women, 20something%. I am beginning to believe that women cheat much more often than this as well, but I also accept the notion that women cheat for emotional reasons more often than physical reasons.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 The source is "The Kinsey Report". I just used the wiki page. I assure you, that is what Alfred Kinsey recorded in 1948.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 The source is "The Kinsey Report". I just used the wiki page. I assure you, that is what Alfred Kinsey recorded in 1948. By no means was I calling you a liar. Its difficult to take polls seriously because they are only a very small fragment of the population.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 It's true. All we can go on is poll inforation and personal experience. It has been my personal experience that the polls are correct. Most men I know have cheated and rationalized "cheating" as a nessessity for their happiness. This of course is just a rationalization. My opinion is that promiscuity is nessessary for most people's happiness, and "cheating" is an immoral way of accomplishing this in a culture where promiscuity is demonized.
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 It's true. All we can go on is poll inforation and personal experience. It has been my personal experience that the polls are correct. Most men I know have cheated and rationalized "cheating" as a nessessity for their happiness. This of course is just a rationalization. My opinion is that promiscuity is nessessary for most people's happiness, and "cheating" is an immoral way of accomplishing this in a culture where promiscuity is demonized. Wow. I disagree with that.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 That's ok. Like I said, it's my opinion. I concider, with great confidence, promiscuity to be a sexual orientation. Meaning that it is a severe sexual want or sexual inclination, similar to any other sexual inclination. Just like any other sexual inclination, there is a degree to which promiscuity is a focus of your overall sexual orientation. Some would simply prefer to be promiscuous. Others are almost completely focused on it. Regardless, if you are inclined enough to concider yourself promiscuous, then it is required for your sexual gratification. My opinion is that promiscuity is nessessary for most people's happiness, and "cheating" is an immoral way of accomplishing this in a culture where promiscuity is demonized. Assuming this is the part that your disagree with.
Trialbyfire Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 It's true. All we can go on is poll inforation and personal experience. It has been my personal experience that the polls are correct. Most men I know have cheated and rationalized "cheating" as a nessessity for their happiness. This of course is just a rationalization. My opinion is that promiscuity is nessessary for most people's happiness, and "cheating" is an immoral way of accomplishing this in a culture where promiscuity is demonized. Promiscuity isn't demonized, in that promiscuous men aren't frowned upon by their own gender. If anything, they appear to be revered by a certain cross-section of men. Why get into a situation where your promiscuity conflicts with the requirements of a committed relationship? Go find another partner who wants to have an open relationship or better yet, remain single. In life, your word can either be considered something worth having or simply patter and lip service. When you cheat, your word becomes...patter and lip service. Of course I would never meet any of them even if I was single as I could not live with causing another woman pain. Plus I would never trust a guy who had cheated with me so what would be the point?This is exactly how I would feel. If you're a cheater, don't be looking at me to enable your cheating... How come some people are willing to do this is my question (seeing as these guys say they are happy in their R) Over and over again, it's the same situation. It's all about "me". Pure selfishness. Also, when people have been in relationships/marriages for awhile, they tend to take their partners for granted, believing deep down inside them that they'll never be caught and their partners will always be there for them. Door # 3 is clearly marked EXIT and appears to be spring-loaded...
Pyro Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 That's ok. Like I said, it's my opinion. I concider, with great confidence, promiscuity to be a sexual orientation. Meaning that it is a severe sexual want or sexual inclination, similar to any other sexual inclination. Just like any other sexual inclination, there is a degree to which promiscuity is a focus of your overall sexual orientation. Some would simply prefer to be promiscuous. Others are almost completely focused on it. Regardless, if you are inclined enough to concider yourself promiscuous, then it is required for your sexual gratification. Assuming this is the part that your disagree with. Thats the part. Whatever floats your boat is fine by me.
shadowofman Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Promiscuity isn't demonized, in that promiscuous men aren't frowned upon by their own gender. If anything, they appear to be revered by a certain cross-section of men. It is in the sense that the dominate religions concider it a sin. If a woman is promiscuous, she is concidered a slut. A majority of people concider promiscuous men to be sluts, even if a healthy percentage of men honor promiscuousness. Why get into a situation where your promiscuity conflicts with the requirements of a committed relationship? Go find another partner who wants to have an open relationship or better yet, remain single. Ideally, this would be the best option. There are a couple of reasons that someone would get themselves into a monogamous relationship, all of which are delusional reasons. 1. The person thinks they could be monogamous for the right person, usually finding that when the romantic honeymoon phase wears off, they are not happy in monogamy. 2. The person is deluded into believing that the relationship will eventually "open". Finding someone that openly admits to wanting an open relationship is rare but it happens all the time. Most people attempt to impress though, and monogamy is impressive to many. Remaining single might be a good idea, but many people are not happy single. They crave a loving relationship just as they crave a fullfilled sexual orientation. In life, your word can either be considered something worth having or simply patter and lip service. When you cheat, your word becomes...patter and lip service. I agree and am not advocating cheating in any way. It is immoral to lie to the one you love, or to hide important details of your life. Over and over again, it's the same situation. It's all about "me". Pure selfishness. This agrument holds no water with the promiscuous because possessive behavior can be viewed as selfish as well. We all want to be happy, and the answer in this case is for promiscuous people to partner with promiscuous people. As I have described, it is hard sometimes in this culture to even be honest to ourselves.
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