alextop30 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Hi guys I have not posted for a while because I got caught in one of those long divorce fights of my parents but I have some free time and I thought I would ask the question. To describe myself a little. 1. I am called nice guy - meaning I always try to be positive in front of other people, I am friendly almost all the time - even thought when I get too cheerful my voice volume goes through the roof. 2. I would never insult a person unintentually - I am always nice - when ever girl says a bad remark about me I just over look it but generally they have nothing bad to say about me. Reason is at school especially I keep to myself mostly, I also try to say things that I have thought of a lot in my head so I do not offend someone or gets misinterpreted. 3. I am usually calm and try to say all the right things I listen first before I talk and generally try to project confidence. Ok so here is my incident - Me and this girl from school have the same nationality and she has made a slam fest out of me. She is 2 years older and believes that she is on top of the world. She never considers what she says and she believes that I ams dumb. She began slamming me that I cannot handle women - recently I have not had a girlfriend - in school and she does not know about my private life at all. So I came out with the statement "Last 25 year old that I slept with said I was pretty good actually so I don't believe u have the right to say that" - and now I am thinking I didnt say the right thing but yet I needed to shut her up - because I got tired of being slammed - ok here is where my question fits - Am I too nice in having allowed this to happen? Girls usually my age (around 20) give the crap that they want boyfriends as the nice guys but truly I don't believe in that. So what do u think?
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 (edited) Hi guys I have not posted for a while because I got caught in one of those long divorce fights of my parents but I have some free time and I thought I would ask the question. To describe myself a little. 1. I am called nice guy - meaning I always try to be positive in front of other people, I am friendly almost all the time - even thought when I get too cheerful my voice volume goes through the roof. Sounds gay. 2. I would never insult a person unintentually - I am always nice - when ever girl says a bad remark about me I just over look it but generally they have nothing bad to say about me. Reason is at school especially I keep to myself mostly, I also try to say things that I have thought of a lot in my head so I do not offend someone or gets misinterpreted. The most important thing English gentleman learns is when to to stop being one. 3. I am usually calm and try to say all the right things I listen first before I talk and generally try to project confidence. Some words are like dagger but you are too guarded maybe? What about being direct? Afraid they wont lile you anymore? Who cares. Ok so here is my incident - Me and this girl from school have the same nationality and she has made a slam fest out of me. She is 2 years older and believes that she is on top of the world. She never considers what she says and she believes that I ams dumb. She began slamming me that I cannot handle women - recently I have not had a girlfriend - in school and she does not know about my private life at all. So I came out with the statement "Last 25 year old that I slept with said I was pretty good actually so I don't believe u have the right to say that" - and now I am thinking I didnt say the right thing but yet I needed to shut her up - because I got tired of being slammed - ok here is where my question fits - Am I too nice in having allowed this to happen? Girls usually my age (around 20) give the crap that they want boyfriends as the nice guys but truly I don't believe in that. So what do u think? Why do you defend yourself over such stupid thing anyway? She tries to hurt you (words can be a dagger thing)...she is a biii*tch. Slam her back with some witty remark. If you cant come up with any witty remark in a reasonable time, just say: 'Yeah yeah whatever biiiii*tch' What are you insecure about? You have brain, you have muscles and you have nuts. Havent you? Edited February 28, 2008 by DanielMadr
Author alextop30 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 I know that is something really stupid. I was also expecting at least someone to laugh at my remark but apparently it was not funny. Anyway I try my best to deal with people like that in the nicest way possible but sometimes it does not work and it become ugly
DanielMadr Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I know that is something really stupid. I was also expecting at least someone to laugh at my remark but apparently it was not funny. Anyway I try my best to deal with people like that in the nicest way possible but sometimes it does not work and it become ugly Because it is not sincere. You are trying too hard. Relax. There is a thin line between being nice and being a pussy the same way as in between Man and a d*ck. You cant be like little frightened kid all the time, walking on eggshelves to not pi*ss off anybody. You are on your own now. Get over it. Go your way, dont step on corpses but you dont have to be crawling because of fear of collision with someone. When it happens just apologize, because you are polite person after all. But if he wants to fight you smack him down.
AdriannaV Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 If you are too nice, it can come off as needy or somewhat of a candy ass. Girls want a guy that can stand up for himself and that can take control from time to time. You can be a nice guy without being overly nice, a girl wants a little chase too. They like a guy with some bad-ass qualities because we like that, it makes us feel attracted, but also the nice guy quality works too, just within reason. If you're too nice a girl will walk all over you because she knows it won't matter what she does, you will always be there. You need to get your priorities straight and be confident in yourself, a guy who is too nice just doesn't seem confident...
Cobra_X30 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I know that is something really stupid. I was also expecting at least someone to laugh at my remark but apparently it was not funny. Anyway I try my best to deal with people like that in the nicest way possible but sometimes it does not work and it become ugly No point in being nice. I'd get in her face about it. I'm not sure what kind of girl she is... or what you can get away with. Basically... don't be afraid to be an Ahole. Women that age love it!
maryjane1 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I know exactly what your problem is you are going to have to trust me. This information will fix everything. You need to be taught how things really work. First read this link on the Ladder Theroy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory Now study this website. You may be an IW. Even if not the guys here can help. http://iwforums.com/
xpaperxcutx Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I know exactly what your problem is you are going to have to trust me. This information will fix everything. You need to be taught how things really work. First read this link on the Ladder Theroy. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ladder_theory Now study this website. You may be an IW. Even if not the guys here can help. http://iwforums.com/ Yikes, but quite true. A nice guy does give the impression that he will always lend a shoulder to cry on, the person whose number will be on speed dial should the girl break up with her SO, and most of be viewed below the standard of potential bf material. I think it should be warranted that you can be a nice guy with the qualites of a bad boy. You can be polite but can also draw a line when things go too far i.e. a prankster or jokster but when the table is turned on you,you stop laughing. I hope you get the drill. If another woman feels that she step on you all she wants, all you have to do is pull the rug from under her feet.
carhill Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Hey, OP, maybe the slammin' girl wants to boink you.... if she comes back for round 2, forget the 25 year old and zero in on her body parts Been there, done that, been a "nice guy" most of my near 50 years. You're getting good advice here. Best thing I can tell you is that it's OK that people don't like you. Remember that and you'll do fine. If you're sensitive to images, sounds and touch, you may have a sensitive nervous system (some "nice guys" do, including me) and you can learn to turn that off or ignore it, which helps temper the niceness. A sensitive straight guy can often be mistaken for being gay (a stereotype which has been mistakenly applied to me in the past) but assuredly we're no more likely to be gay than a bully is. If you're having "trouble" with women, it's not that you're defective but rather that they're genetically attracted to a different emotional and personality type. You can adapt to project more the "norm" or you can seek out a woman with a compatible personality (they do exist). Good luck!
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