JasmineHeart Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 9 months. Everything is great...but we are in a long distance relationship. I visit him every other week and he visits me when his school schedule allows. I've met his mom and he's met my parents and all is great. The only problem is that he hasn't said I love you...and I have...I said it 4 months ago. We are both 25 and although I've been in two long term relationships before him, I've been his longest relationship to date. Before me, his last gf was with him for only 3 months. He has said before that he will only say "i love you" to his wife (on the day he gets married). I just wonder if not saying "i love you" is normal? he wants me to move closer to him within the year but how can I move away from my current life, to a place 6 hours away to be with someone who hasn't said "I love you". What do you all think?
konfuzd Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 You said you met his mom, where is his dad in the picture? Maybe there's a family history with a bitter divorce or an absent father. His mom may have put ideas in his head about love and relationships that is causing him to hold back. It does seem a bit extreme to avoid saying it until his wedding day. You should be in love and express that before you marry someone, in my opinion. I would just bring it up with him and find out what his fears are about saying it. Regardless of whether he verbalizes it, love is a feeling, and he either feels it or he doesn't. Good luck.
Author JasmineHeart Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 His Dad passed away 5 years ago. He just said he thinks that our society today wants to be in love so badly that everyone says it immediately and without really meaning it. He has never said it to any girl and he wants to make 100% sure until he does. I think he doesn't want to say it because once he does it's admitting he's "weak" because he does love someone. I dont know if that makes sense.
Legend Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Sounds genuine, if you can handle it, stay w/ him.
a-sweetart Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 My BF had a similar midset, he would not say those words to anyone except the girl he would marry. It was hard for me because I am very vocal about how I feel, and I wanted to share my feelings. Like you I too told him I loved him and did not get a vocal return. However he showed me how he felt all the time with his actions. 3 years later he told me he loved me. When he finally said it, it was so incredibly sincere and special. I am glad that he created that moment for us. I think as long as your BF is showing you how he feels, then you should not pin everything on hearing it.
carhill Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Been there done that; loss of control issue, combined with a healthy dose of vulnerability. Stick him with a life-altering experience and he'll change his mind pronto. Love and telling those you love the words is a gift you give to them. It's a well that never runs dry. It gives and sustains life. It's a lesson never too late to learn.
I Luv the Chariot OH Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 My BF had a similar midset, he would not say those words to anyone except the girl he would marry. It was hard for me because I am very vocal about how I feel, and I wanted to share my feelings. Like you I too told him I loved him and did not get a vocal return. However he showed me how he felt all the time with his actions. 3 years later he told me he loved me. When he finally said it, it was so incredibly sincere and special. I am glad that he created that moment for us. It my be my "emotional time of the month", but that made me cry a little. What a lovely story!
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Hello everyone, My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for the past 9 months. Everything is great...but we are in a long distance relationship. I visit him every other week and he visits me when his school schedule allows. I've met his mom and he's met my parents and all is great. The only problem is that he hasn't said I love you...and I have...I said it 4 months ago. We are both 25 and although I've been in two long term relationships before him, I've been his longest relationship to date. Before me, his last gf was with him for only 3 months. He has said before that he will only say "i love you" to his wife (on the day he gets married). I just wonder if not saying "i love you" is normal? he wants me to move closer to him within the year but how can I move away from my current life, to a place 6 hours away to be with someone who hasn't said "I love you". What do you all think? The catch is. If you would really love him you would move to a place 6 hours away from your current life. He is not wasting words, thats fine, because when he will do say that he will mean it. You said that but you dont act accordingly. He acts like he loves you but doesnt say it. What is better?
carhill Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 IMO, actions. If one "can't" say the words, for whatever reason, their actions show their love. I would be more "suspect" of someone who talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk
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