Ashbash11 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Hi everyone. I posted a couple of weeks ago about "dating a shy guy." Well, since my initial "date" with this guy, I've started having some concerns. First of all, like I mentioned in my previous post, this guy invited me to see a music concert with him and then we got drinks afterward. It was never clear whether or not it was actually a date or just friends hanging out. He paid for everything and it felt like a date, but he didn't make ANY physical contact with me the entire night, and I wasn't sure if it was because he's shy and nervous, or just plain not interested. It's been 2 weeks since our "date" and I haven't heard from him. I sent him an email today asking if he had any plans this weekend and if he wanted to hang out. Does that seem too forward? Should I be waiting for HIM to contact ME? I feel like there are all of these dating rules that I should be following... Plus, I don't even know if he considers me just a friend, or more than that. Should I try to find out, or just go with the flow? I don't want to come across as desperate or needy, but I really enjoy being with him and I thought that perhaps taking some initiative wouldn't hurt. What do you think?
Prodigal Princess Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Forget the "rules" Ashbash, you should do what feels right for you. Although it would be ideal if he contacted you first, I think in this situation sending the email couldn't hurt. However, the ball is now in his court. Do not initiate any further contact. If he truly wants to see you again, either as a friend or something else, he needs to grow a pair and let you know. If he responds to your email and you see him again, you'll get a chance to figure out how he feels. If not, then I think you just dodged a bullet.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Wow I've recently been in a similar situation like you, where the date went really well, but then he stopped talking to me completely. Is this typical of the male behaviour? I don't know. But you should stop trying to contact him. It's his turn to initiate contact, whether he wants to reply to your email or not. Don't wait for him to call or email you back. Preoccupy yourself with your own things.
Enema Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I reckon if he paid, he doesn't consider you just a friend.
Jilly Bean Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Ash - I think if you have a date with someone and you don't hear from them, that's kind of a solid sign, don't you think?
Author Ashbash11 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Well to answer your question Jilly Bean, I had gone on vacation for a week after we went out and I told him I'd be away, so that could have been part of the reason why he didn't contact me. I suppose I could've waited for him to contact me after I got back in town, but I was getting impatient!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 (edited) Well to answer your question Jilly Bean, I had gone on vacation for a week after we went out and I told him I'd be away, so that could have been part of the reason why he didn't contact me. I suppose I could've waited for him to contact me after I got back in town, but I was getting impatient! Yes you could've. How well do you know the guy? IF you'd only know him recently, try not to completely incorporate him into your life. That would be your first mistake. Don't make it seem obvious that you're impatient and waiting for him, because that would just make you seem 1) desperate and 2) you would set yourself up for a large disappointment if he chooses not to call. But then again you said he was a shy guy, maybe you might need to do most of the pursuing? In the beginning, who was the one to ask out whom first? Okay I reread your post. So he was the one who initiated for the first date. So obviously he wasn't that shy in asking out people. So I don't really see his "shyness" as a factor for him not to call. But like I said before, DON'T WAIT for him to call. Pursue your own preoccupations. If he's interested, he should return your email. Edited February 28, 2008 by xpaperxcutx
Author Ashbash11 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 "So he was the one who initiated for the first date. So obviously he wasn't that shy in asking out people." Good point! It's true, he wasn't "too shy" to ask me out! I didn't even realize that. I have only known this guy for a few weeks, so I do not know him that well. He's the roommate of one of my good friends. He answered my email a few hours after I sent it, which is a good sign. I just don't want to come across as desperate and I don't want to get hurt. I hope I can accomplish that!
Prodigal Princess Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I just don't want to come across as desperate and I don't want to get hurt. I hope I can accomplish that! You can accomplish these things (at least for the short term) by letting him take the initiative in setting up your next meeting. I'm curious though... You said he responded to your email, but didn't say that you were seeing him again. Did he just ignore your question about hanging out this weekend?
Author Ashbash11 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 No, he didn't ignore it. He said that he liked the ideas of activities for us to do that I proposed. He didn't actually make a choice or set up anything, either. It's so weird. It seems like I almost have to initiate everything. I'll have to pick the place and time...oye.
Prodigal Princess Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I'm sorry, but this guy is just not that into you. If he was, he would have taken the lead and set a definitive activity, time and date. It's that simple. End all contact now. By pursuing him, you are just going to get burned.
Jilly Bean Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 See, I would just read that as him being lukewarm, or just being polite, since you have friends in common. I seriously wouldn't pursue him again.
Author Ashbash11 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Okay, I'll just ask one more annoying question: Why is it that you can go on a date with a guy that lasts 8 hours and have a great time with him and where he says he had a great time also, and then as it turns out, he's "not that into you?" I hate that phrase, btw. It's from that Greg Bernhardt guy.
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