BalancenLuv20 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I have really started to notice an influx of posts lately regarding how people have used myspace/facebook as a way to spy on their ex or accidentally coming across their pages only to find out the awful details about how their ex is happy, maybe with someone new, and has moved on...the bottom line is this...STAY AWAY FROM THEIR PAGES PERIOD... For so many months I had access to my ex's and her new bf's myspace pages and I would make a habit of checking both of them multiple times a day...I would try and find hacks to get her password so I could view her inbox to see what kind of private messages they were sending each other and see if there was anything other info she was hiding on her profile...those were the most miserable months of my life and they absolutely killed my self esteem...the pictures the comments the whole 9 yards I had a front seat to some of the worst emotional pain I could possibly experience...and it's almost like it was this guilty pleasure deep down and I just wanted to come back for more...after all the attempts to stop, finally one day the pain became so overwhelming inside, it's almost like my conscious said to me "enough is enough, you are killing yourself" and stopped me from looking anymore for the sake of my own sanity...I have seen through my own eyes my friends and others on here on LS fall victim to it and all I have to say is that if you are not completely over your ex, you are in for some of the most painful and gutwrenching moments of your life by looking at their page... So please...I know deep down there exists a guilty pleasure to spy and find out the truth about matters that are out of our control...but when its all said and done will your heart and soul feel any better coming out of it? Absolutely not...go out and experience the world, try new things, be active and find people to gravitate towards who will treat you well instead of sitting in a cave on Myspace/facebook sifting through pictures and comments on your ex's page that will only bring feelings of contempt, jealousy, and hurt...come to terms that you deserve better and the situation between you and your ex is a thing of the past and is out of your hands... because life is too short my friends life is just too short...
g1976b Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Very good advice. I've fallen into this trap as well. It's very painful. I'm not completely "cured" of my problem at this point, but I have blocked her facebook page on my browser so I can't go on and see her site specifically. Unfortunately I'll still get updates on my main page for her stuff and her friends, but at least I'm trying to get better. This is VERY important. Please listen to those of us who have been there and please learn from our mistakes. DON'T even start. Just move on and take care of yourself. There is nothing good that will come of the myspace/facebook thing.
Vampirlequin Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I did this exact same thing. Had my ex's password, and obsessed over every comment, trying to find out what was going on her life without me. It killed me. I'm not sure when I stopped being obsessed, or what changed. I still get urges, but now I choose not to look. but definitely, this is a bad way to be, and completely counter productive to the healing process.
SarahT111 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I agree 100%! I can honestly say bebo destroyed my life! I stalked my ex and his new gf, went through all their photos and read all the comments they left each other! It runined my life To this day I cant bear to even have my own bebo page due to the memories. Writing this now I have tears in my eyes thinking of what happened. I think if the dumper has any respect they would NOT flaunt a new relationship on bebo the next day when they know their now ex gf will see it! Do you agree? I will never go on his bebo again and have shut my own sight down, it is far far to painful! I still have the massive urge to go on his bebo but I know deep down I cant, it will destroy me and im doing EVERYTHING to put my life back together.
Aboohoo Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 OMG thank god im not the only one! Its like you're talking about me! I know my exs password and constantly go on his account and read his private msgs to his internet love (who he left me for after 3 years!) and they are the most hurtful soul destroying words i have ever read - they even talk about getting married! yet they have never met! I know what i am doing is wrong and that the only one im hurting is myself but i cant stop - i tried blocking him but that last 2 days and i ended up putting him back onto my account as i wanted him to be able to see my new photos, comments etc and make him jealous!!!! Why do i still care? He doesnt care - he's all loved up. I want to stop but i know that at the moment i cant, im like an addict! I also understand that this wont last and as i move on i wont care anymore! I just wish that day will arrive soon as its destroying me..Grrrr x
Foreverfrustrated Posted March 14, 2008 Posted March 14, 2008 Your words cut deep, because they cut very close to home for me. Thanks for reminding me i deserved better, and with my current girlfriend, whom is much better, i am slowly enjoying that, and recovering from the fact that i was in love with an "idea" of my ex, it was my only defining relationship, and it sure sucked now that i look back at it. Now it's just reminding myself that what i have now is much better and i don't need the old stuff in my life.
emotionally_barren Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Sound advice to steer clear of the myspace and/or facebook. I changed mine around and took out all mention of my soon to be ex-wife. I'm still listed as married & I'm sure she has noticed the changes, but hell with it. She told me she wants to move on so I'm trying to do the same. I'm not being totally successful with this however.
CaliGuy Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 Read my post entitled "Self Torture" in this forum (coping). It'll help those who don't understand why cyber-stalking is hurting way more than helping.
LuCidiTy Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 yeah. i agree. doing that is kinda like pouring lye in your eye. on purpose. over and over.
Ariadne Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 I have really started to notice an influx of posts lately regarding how people have used myspace/facebook as a way to spy on their ex or accidentally coming across their pages only to find out the awful details about how their ex is happy, maybe with someone new, and has moved on...the bottom line is this...STAY AWAY FROM THEIR PAGES PERIOD.... Shut up or something. God...
Ariadne Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 (edited) What's the matter? Denver guy got myspace? Denver guy has a myspace but he never writes in it. He just made it. Then he has his own blog, but he doesn't write in it very often. The last entry he has was Feb 5th And of course, all he talks about is some of the work he's done and nothing personal. Now... the gf of Denver guy has a blog. A doll blog that is. She has "190" dolls that she bought after she got together with him. And every 2 or 3 days she posts about the new doll that he bought her. And sometimes she makes some story about the dolls. So, I have to read that crap. What else can I do? Edited March 16, 2008 by Ariadne
sb129 Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 She is into dolls? What kind of dolls? That sounds a bit odd... No contact should include reading any websites pertaining to the ex or their life and that includes their current partner. Ariadne why do you keep torturing yourself? There is another Denver guy out there for you, there has to be.
e.clipse Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 why wouldn't you want to read it, though? to save yourself some pain? yea right, whatever. the truth is that if you are looking up and ex-SO's myspace, facebook, livejournal, blog or whatever, you are still actively thinking about them, and probably in significant amounts. if someone is really trying to move on, then they won't look--or if they do--it will be far less sparingly. those who look constantly, to the point of cyber-stalking, do it with the intent of finding out what their ex is up to, obviously. you want to know because you haven't moved on, and you probably have some faint hope that they don't have much going on, which will in turn make you think that hey, maybe they aren't having a blast. maybe they miss you. maybe, maybe, maybe... that's why i think it's good to know. if it suits their case, yes, they are having fun. yes, they have someone new. yes, you are a thing of the past. yes, all your "worst" fears have come true. and yes, it hurts you a lot. but at least you know the real height on the mountain you have to climb over. There is another Denver guy out there for you, there has to be. no, that's not true, and ariadne knows this.
Ariadne Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 She is into dolls? What kind of dolls? That sounds a bit odd... No contact should include reading any websites pertaining to the ex or their life and that includes their current partner. Ariadne why do you keep torturing yourself? There is another Denver guy out there for you, there has to be. Some ball jointed dolls. Is like she can't have enough dolls... Who says that I am in NC or support that anyway? I wish there was more to read than those doll stories, but what can you do.
Ariadne Posted March 16, 2008 Posted March 16, 2008 those who look constantly, to the point of cyber-stalking, do it with the intent of finding out what their ex is up to, obviously. you want to know because you haven't moved on, and you probably have some faint hope that they don't have much going on, which will in turn make you think that hey, maybe they aren't having a blast. maybe they miss you. maybe, maybe, maybe... My ideal thing to do... Would be to sit every-single-day in the back of Denver guy's house with a 3 feet long paparazzi camera... and take a million of pictures of him, just to look at them when I'm not taking his pictures.
Author BalancenLuv20 Posted March 18, 2008 Author Posted March 18, 2008 Shut up or something. God... What is your deal? what planet are you from? I've seen your posts in some other threads and you are pushing a lot of peoples buttons with your totally bizarre and in the opinion of many, counterproductive methods to coping with breakups. Just because you think it would be cool to stalk your ex, "My ideal thing to do... Would be to sit every-single-day in the back of Denver guy's house with a 3 feet long paparazzi camera... and take a million of pictures of him, just to look at them when I'm not taking his pictures." and that guys should stop being so "selfish" for no longer talking to their ex's after they put them through HELL like mine did gives you no place to tell me to shutup. I am trying to give other men and women like me with fragile hearts that had a difficult breakup, the strength to look away from that crap because of all the God awful pain it can bring seeing what our ex's are up to and how they've moved on without us such as the introduction of a new bf/gf, the ultimate injection of pain. Thanks for your maturity and understanding of the situation.
LoserAtLove Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 that is soo true. I have been checking my ex myspace no stop for the last week. I finally made the decision to tell her I had installed a keylogger on her pc and to remove it via text message with a request that she not respond. So that I wont get emails with all her information anymore. ITs just too painful and too consuming. Its like opening pandoras box. While I did have access I had my revenge for one day. On Sunday for twenty four hours I posted that she was a SLUT for the world to see. I changed everything on her myspace page and locked it so she couldn't change it. But then the wuss in me came out and I changed it back.
Ariadne Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 and that guys should stop being so "selfish" for no longer talking to their ex's after they... Nope. Not a word I would use for that. Chicken, would be more like it.
e.clipse Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 Nope. Not a word I would use for that. Chicken, would be more like it. :lmao: My ideal thing to do... Would be to sit every-single-day in the back of Denver guy's house with a 3 feet long paparazzi camera... and take a million of pictures of him, just to look at them when I'm not taking his pictures. ah, photographs . . . i'm not a big fan of them. they can be lethal. but on the other hand, they can create beautiful collages full of love and memories. you know, i think that i'd be more partial to have a little globe that would allow me to see him and everything he does. it would be lovely to see him sleeping; i miss that. he looked so sweet, peaceful, and vulnerable, especially since he'd take off his glasses. sigh. it was beautiful. when he'd fall asleep, often i'd lay there, next to him, just gazing at him and wishing we could stay like that forever. but, since i can't have that, a little globe--much like a crystal ball--would be ideal. that way i could come home and sit on my desk and just see him going about his life. it would be a mini-him; how adorable. oh if only i could.
Ariadne Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 you know, i think that i'd be more partial to have a little globe that would allow me to see him and everything he does. it would be lovely to see him sleeping... a little globe--much like a crystal ball--would be ideal. That sounds good. But if those things were possible, then what I'd really, really love would be for me to be the invisible man (woman). I'd snick inside his house at the first chance that the door is slightly open and I'd never leave his side. I don't think I'd care to see him having sex with the gf, I'd imagine it was me, and I'd get close and smell him or something. But when I think of that.. I wonder if her dogs would notice. I have even fantasized about it, like the dogs keep barking at me, so she's like, what's going on?! And touches me. Crap. And then, since he is all tech and stuff, installs those laser rays all over the house or some gimmic so that I couldn't do that anymore
e.clipse Posted March 18, 2008 Posted March 18, 2008 That sounds good. But if those things were possible, then what I'd really, really love would be for me to be the invisible man (woman). I'd snick inside his house at the first chance that the door is slightly open and I'd never leave his side. I don't think I'd care to see him having sex with the gf, I'd imagine it was me, and I'd get close and smell him or something. But when I think of that.. I wonder if her dogs would notice. I have even fantasized about it, like the dogs keep barking at me, so she's like, what's going on?! And touches me. Crap. And then, since he is all tech and stuff, installs those laser rays all over the house or some gimmic so that I couldn't do that anymore ah, absolutely. you are completely right. that is the downside of the Invisible Man/Woman, though: on human touch, and you are discovered. otherwise, it would be perfect. also, i believe that either dogs or cats would be able to spot a spiritual presence, like the one you describe, since they are (allegedly) hyper-sensitive to supernatural vibrations/beings like that. so long as you didn't get to close, i'm sure you'd be able to evade being touched. but, i suppose not getting too close somewhat defeats the purpose. after all, you can only smell his scent so much, from afar. ah, and what a powerful thing scent can be. sometimes, i can still smell my exbf in my mind: while i am physically unable to anymore, it as though his scent has been permanently etched in my mind. and it was such a homely and fulfilling one, too. ah, but ces't la vie, eh?
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