Ebeleptik38 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 Hey its me again, and if you've replied to my threads before you'd know that they're all about the same person I've been seeing. If not feel free to look up my other threads...that way I won't need to go over details again . Anyhow all my concerns with her that I have also addressed on LS have been answered and was everything i needed to hear as far as if we're exlcusively dating, and wanting to see where this all leads too. When we're together everything is really good. I guess all I can ask for is more time to be spent together and she has also told me she is and wants to start making more time to see/ talk to me. She has a hard time balacing her hectic work schedule, spending time with her friends, and seeing me - but I am more than understanding of it ALL. She has been more than honest about everything and definately starting to show alot more attention to what I felt had been lacking especially on her part. -To previous people who have posted in respone to my threads(I won't mention names) I was blatently given responses telling me that she's just not that into me. But I have more than reason to believe that she really is into me. I'm not an idiot or pushover when it comes to women, I am quite level-headed going into dating and relationships and know my limits. I think that out of all my relationships, that this one is just a very different one and with situations that I am not used to. This being a LDR is really inconvienient, but I am always willing to try and be optimistic about it. Another is that she just got out of a relationship of 3 yrs, and I can understand why she's taking things slow. Anyhow I'll cut to the chase....I haven't liked a girl this much in a while and with all insecurities out of the way coming from her part, I am now having my own doubts. It's friggin tough to do the LDR thing, and yes I get weary emotionally, sexually, and most of all my patience is being tested....which is something I am learning that I must really lack. Any good advice from anyone in similar situations?? Am I being lame for kind of wanting to jump ship for my own good- even though I could be losing out on something really good? or I am just one im-patient bastard!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I think I was one of the persons who told you that she might not be interested....lol But anywho, glad to see that she's willing to be more open with you. But you got to be more patient, it is an LDR afterall. It's going to require more effort on BOTH your parts, not just from her. And relationships should never been rushed. Let it go at a steady pace. Remember, DON'T RUSH.
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I'd HARDLY call 45 minutes a long-distance relationship. If someone's really into you, 45 minutes is NOT an obstacle.
tanbark813 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I don't know if SJ to SF really qualifies as an LDR but you do sound more invested than she is. I'd also not be so willing to be the one always going to see her if I were in your shoes. Make her work a little to see you as well.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 I think I was one of the persons who told you that she might not be interested....lol But anywho, glad to see that she's willing to be more open with you. But you got to be more patient, it is an LDR afterall. It's going to require more effort on BOTH your parts, not just from her. And relationships should never been rushed. Let it go at a steady pace. Remember, DON'T RUSH. Trust I don't rush, the rush is all in my head (I know way better than that) outside of all that I'm cool as ice. Been single for days, not a care in the world... I'm very picky when it comes to women, so when I find something good I get excited. I'm not used to having feelings for someone other than myself again... I'd HARDLY call 45 minutes a long-distance relationship. If someone's really into you, 45 minutes is NOT an obstacle. Not not at all, she is a pediatric nurse though...so patience is definately key on that one. I actually to see her just this past Saturday, things we're great! I haven't even given it long enough to even give her a chance to come see me yet. I'm just debating in my mind though I don't know if SJ to SF really qualifies as an LDR but you do sound more invested than she is. I'd also not be so willing to be the one always going to see her if I were in your shoes. Make her work a little to see you as well. heheh Your right, the ball is definately in her court . Makes me feel vulnerable (i like to be in control!!!). Yeah I'm gonna try and do that...so even if it means making myself less available to go up and see her given the chance?
tanbark813 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 so even if it means making myself less available to go up and see her given the chance? Word. She may have a hectic schedule but if she's truly interested she'll find a way to make time.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 Well sheeit then ma brutha...the test is on. But really...you think if I just cut all ties that would be lame? I mean I hate the fact that I even have to post on here for this kind of advice, sometimes these feelings make my head hurt.
tanbark813 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 (edited) Well sheeit then ma brutha...the test is on. But really...you think if I just cut all ties that would be lame? I mean I hate the fact that I even have to post on here for this kind of advice, sometimes these feelings make my head hurt. I wouldn't say lame but it might be a little hasty. It all depends on what you want for yourself and what you're willing to put up with. Obviously you're not entirely happy with the situation so something needs to change. From one of your previous posts I know you voiced a little of your side to her and it sounds like it was well-received, but actions speak louder than words. That's why I say to make her work to see you more. It's one thing for her to say she wants to make more time for you. It's an entirely different, and much more meaningful (arguably the only meaningful), gesture for her to actually do so. Talk is cheap. Listen to your gut, man. Edit: Oh, and don't kick yourself for posting here for advice. Everyone on this site is here because at one time or another we've had feelings that make our heads hurt. Edited February 27, 2008 by tanbark813 one more thought
Star Gazer Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 It's one thing for her to say she wants to make more time for you. It's an entirely different, and much more meaningful (arguably the only meaningful), gesture for her to actually do so. Talk is cheap. Amen. Ex was all talk, but no walk... but he did crawl. It was damn hard to pull back and see if he put effort in, but I managed. What's tough is when they do reciprocate, but only a fraction of what you put in. That's when your head will REALLY hurt.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 I wouldn't say lame but it might be a little hasty. It all depends on what you want for yourself and what you're willing to put up with. Obviously you're not entirely happy with the situation so something needs to change. From one of your previous posts I know you voiced a little of your side to her and it sounds like it was well-received, but actions speak louder than words. That's why I say to make her work to see you more. It's one thing for her to say she wants to make more time for you. It's an entirely different, and much more meaningful (arguably the only meaningful), gesture for her to actually do so. Talk is cheap. Listen to your gut, man. Well if anything since I'm already feeling vulnerable, the last place I want to be is butt-hurt over a girl again. So if anything I'm really trying to look out for myself. But then again I am also a risk-taker and this is obviously a risk-taking situation. When relationships get trivial like this its hard for me to keep my actions consistent. But I don't think it'll hurt to reserve myself a little more and see how she reacts (nothing wrong with that right?). I guess I'm gonna just sit back and see how she really does react, hopefully she's not writing checks her butt can't cash. In a way my gut is telling me something, just don't know what yet. thankls again for the support guys/ gals.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Amen. Ex was all talk, but no walk... but he did crawl. It was damn hard to pull back and see if he put effort in, but I managed. What's tough is when they do reciprocate, but only a fraction of what you put in. That's when your head will REALLY hurt. StarGazer...you talking about one of your similar situations? I think thats exactly how I'm feeling, we'll see. I'll keep you posted.
lovesick33 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Ebel- I don't think you are lame at all for having the urge to jump ship... but I think you might want to pause for a minute here and take a breath. Reading over your whole story with this girl it sure seems like things are progressing awfully fast from you falling hard for her, to you wanting to know where you stand, to you getting antsy about the distance between you, to now you wanting to maybe jump ship. And the month isn't even over yet! Now trust me... you read my story... you know I'm in some similar shoes, so I definitely sympathize! But I guess I'm just trying to remind you of what you yourself said - that you really feel strongly for this girl.... stronger than you've felt for anyone in some time? Strong feelings like that can make us go completely bananas in the beginning. Every fear that we can possibly have about how things can go... well... those fears will start to seep into our brains. I'm living through this right now So let me just try to comfort you with a little perspective.. San Jo and SF.... well... that's nothing! Me.... well, oddly enough, I'm in norcal too... Sacto area. And my flame? East coast. Now THAT is a true LDR I think I must be nuts for even considering being involved in this. I probably am. But... ya know... sometimes that one person just makes your heart flutter and everyone else just..... doesn't, ya know? Sometimes you just need to find out. Only you can answer these questions. But... honestly.... 45 minutes isn't going to be the real reason you give up on this girl. Maybe her ex boyfriend, maybe some other issue between you two. Maybe she won't make the effort to overcome the 45 minutes... but, if YOU want to, you definitely can. I don't think it is fair to consider cutting and running just to beat her to it though... give the girl a chance!
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 So let me just try to comfort you with a little perspective.. San Jo and SF.... well... that's nothing! Me.... well, oddly enough, I'm in norcal too... Sacto area. WOOT!
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Ebel- I don't think you are lame at all for having the urge to jump ship... but I think you might want to pause for a minute here and take a breath. Reading over your whole story with this girl it sure seems like things are progressing awfully fast from you falling hard for her, to you wanting to know where you stand, to you getting antsy about the distance between you, to now you wanting to maybe jump ship. And the month isn't even over yet! Now trust me... you read my story... you know I'm in some similar shoes, so I definitely sympathize! But I guess I'm just trying to remind you of what you yourself said - that you really feel strongly for this girl.... stronger than you've felt for anyone in some time? Strong feelings like that can make us go completely bananas in the beginning. Every fear that we can possibly have about how things can go... well... those fears will start to seep into our brains. I'm living through this right now So let me just try to comfort you with a little perspective.. San Jo and SF.... well... that's nothing! Me.... well, oddly enough, I'm in norcal too... Sacto area. And my flame? East coast. Now THAT is a true LDR I think I must be nuts for even considering being involved in this. I probably am. But... ya know... sometimes that one person just makes your heart flutter and everyone else just..... doesn't, ya know? Sometimes you just need to find out. Only you can answer these questions. But... honestly.... 45 minutes isn't going to be the real reason you give up on this girl. Maybe her ex boyfriend, maybe some other issue between you two. Maybe she won't make the effort to overcome the 45 minutes... but, if YOU want to, you definitely can. I don't think it is fair to consider cutting and running just to beat her to it though... give the girl a chance! hahaha yeah I kind of feel like a hypocrite giving you advice now! I am just afraid of getting myself hurt. But you have a good point and I know I am totally jumping the gun. But at the same time I want to go with my gut, but then I know that I am also not being very reasonable. I'm scared of getting hurt, and losing out on this girl - but then again just jumping ship would mean losing her anyways...double edge sword. I' not the one that even cares about the 45 minutes - it is nothing, but when I feel like I'm putting in more effort it makes me think twice, even three times. --------*screech* put the brakes on that! *update* In the midst of typing this, she called me...we had the normal chit-chat...and then I was trying to find out about her plans because she's got today through Saturday off and then from the 5th-12th of in March. We had plans to go to Monterey from the 7th of March to the 9th, but then it turned into just the 8th and 9th. Then I asked to see if she wanted to hang out sometime this weekend....and she was had something lined up for every day. In my head I'm like screw this , so I just said that if she had too much going on for our Monterey weekend that she didn't have to feel obligated to go. I then told her that I was having second thoughts about seeing her in general now, because it just wasn't feeling right. Yes this where Mr. Ebeleptik is looking out for himself...and if its bull**** I smell now, I'm just gonna be upfront about my feelings and if I have to, just cut it loose now (Yeah Tan, i was really doing what I thought was right for myself this time, regardless the consequences). Well get this (esp. Lovesick) I guess the real reason is - she says that every time we hang out she gets more and more comfortable with me, and she thinks she's setting herself up to get hurt! Me F-ing too!! What a strange and similar, yet unfortunate turn of events. She said maybe she doesn't realize how much she's been holding back and that I'm not really realizing where she's coming from, but she feels like she has opened up to me a lot more. I told her that I feel vulnerable because I'm putting so much effort into this that I feel neglected nonetheless. I mean compared to the first couple months and now- I see her once every 2-3 weeks...and call me greedy if you want... but thats not enough! But it sure is enough to make me wonder how much she's into me . She was very honest again, and tole me everything I needed to hear . Anyhow, i told her that I hate having to keep bring these heavy issues up and that I'm not trying to put pressure on her about anything, I just need to communicate how I'm feeling especially if it feels wrong. I'm glad though now, because I have a better understanding now (once again). I guess she's just is really scared to like me, and in some weird parallel way I am too....and its both in fear of us getting hurt. I don't know...this has all gotten so ridiculous, I'm just glad that it makes sense...
lovesick33 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Communication is absolute key! That vulnerability thing is a killer though.... I'll tell ya... It seems as though both of you both hesitate and consider putting the brakes on simply out of fear of getting hurt actually because you like each other!? What silly sense does that make?? Yet.... I get it. The older we get and the more we have been burned, the more we tend to do that. Like that whole 'touching a hot stove' analogy. Nuh-uh... I've been there and done that before, thank you. Ouch. I'm glad the two of you talked though... and I'm glad she is feeling more and more comfortable around you. Perhaps the two of you should just try to keep communicating like this and try to relax and bit and take it easy some? Put less pressure on each other for things to always be perfect. And try to remember what she has told you. She likes you. If she has to cut back some time spent with you, it might not be because of you.... she might have legit outside reasons. It is easy to get overly paranoid in this vulnerability stage.... that is the huge bummer about it. (That is the thing I'm having to remind myself every day when I wake up. I'm thinking of making myself a big old poster for my wall or something I swear.) I think you have the right idea though if you can find your balance - try to relax and keep your cool, have some faith in her, but communcate with her especially when your gut really tells you when something is "off" (your gut too... not your paranoia )
tanbark813 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 We had plans to go to Monterey from the 7th of March to the 9th, but then it turned into just the 8th and 9th. Then I asked to see if she wanted to hang out sometime this weekend....and she was had something lined up for every day. Lame. she says that every time we hang out she gets more and more comfortable with me, and she thinks she's setting herself up to get hurt! That sounds like BS. If she has all this time off and she's not spending any of it with you then she's just not into you. Bottom line.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Yeah... I think this is the last time I even communicate my feelings anymore, regardless of how it went (which actually went well). She did end up calling me last night...kind of late and was being really sweet, telling me she wish I was there with her. I don't know what to think anymore...she must really be scared of getting close in fear of getting hurt, or she's just really good at stringing me along- in which case F-that. I'm just going to give up in my own non-chalant kind of way, and like you've already said...if she wants to make the effort - great. If not it'll just fizzle off. She already knows how I feel...so yeah I'm done bringing up stuff. That sounds like BS. If she has all this time off and she's not spending any of it with you then she's just not into you. Bottom line. Weird thing is that I pretty much said it like that to her, and she swears the exact opposite.... either way I'm turning kind of numb to this situation.
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Reality check. If she is not baning you she is banging someone else or wants to. Your eyes full of affection see her in pink mist. And please dont listen to what she says. I dont know how old are you but I wasted couple of years on girls who didnt deserve it. They just didnt give a shyt actually. Only thing I hold against them is they made it seem like there is a good chance for us....'next week im busy, next week im sick, Id really like to see you but my hamster got heart attack so see you next week, Im studying on Nobel Prize Test so next week....'. When I finaly met them they were all flirty and looked so in love but it was simply an act so I would stay an option once they come to settle down or what. Dont make the same mistake as I did. Do it like them....'dont put all eggs in one basket' (cosmopolitan) dont get in love before she does meanwhile she is making up her mind date others ditch them for good once they flake
tanbark813 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Weird thing is that I pretty much said it like that to her, and she swears the exact opposite.... Blah blah blah. Words mean jack shyt unless they're backed by actions. The whole thing sounds like she wants to keep her options open.
DanielMadr Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Yeah... I think this is the last time I even communicate my feelings anymore, regardless of how it went (which actually went well). She did end up calling me last night...kind of late and was being really sweet, telling me she wish I was there with her. I don't know what to think anymore...she must really be scared of getting close in fear of getting hurt, or she's just really good at stringing me along- in which case F-that. I'm just going to give up in my own non-chalant kind of way, and like you've already said...if she wants to make the effort - great. If not it'll just fizzle off. She already knows how I feel...so yeah I'm done bringing up stuff. Weird thing is that I pretty much said it like that to her, and she swears the exact opposite.... either way I'm turning kind of numb to this situation. she either works for Her Majestys Secret Service (they are all very busy) or she is a major biatch or both
blind_otter Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 In the midst of typing this, she called me...we had the normal chit-chat...and then I was trying to find out about her plans because she's got today through Saturday off and then from the 5th-12th of in March. We had plans to go to Monterey from the 7th of March to the 9th, but then it turned into just the 8th and 9th. Then I asked to see if she wanted to hang out sometime this weekend....and she was had something lined up for every day. In my head I'm like screw this , so I just said that if she had too much going on for our Monterey weekend that she didn't have to feel obligated to go. If I was really into someone, I would set aside time in advance to hang out with them. Then, if they couldn't make it, I would proceed with plan B. I wouldn't make the guy I'm supposedly really into my plan B. JMO.
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Yeah....sorry to be so hard-headed... I guess I need a good drilling from you guys to just take the obvious into account. I am tired of giving the benefit of the doubt. I'm getting kinda pissed now thinking about this crap... man do I hate being played. Thanks...I'll keep you all posted on how this all pans out, then you can all said "I told ya so" hahhaha
Star Gazer Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I dunno, I have mixed emotions about this situation now. Did she tell you what things she had lined up this weekend? I think it's a really good sign that she's willing to plan a mini-trip with you in advance. I, for one, wouldn't do that if I wasn't into a guy.
themessenger Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think shes confused about whether she wants him or not
Author Ebeleptik38 Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) I dunno, I have mixed emotions about this situation now. hahaha ya feel me?! yeah she did tell me everything lined up this weekend.... and the week off that she has coming up the next weekend, she wanted to spend with her mom in Sac (which is totally fine). But still from my point of view and all talk put aside, I'm looking for some actions being taken. We talked last night and I just told her that this was getting ridiculous and I'm having major second thoughts about this....blah blah she really really likes me- things feel almost too comfortable when we're together it scares her (I guess) and she thinks she's setting herself up to get hurt, understandable since she just got out of a relationship. But I kinda said that her actions don't reflect her words and as far as I'm concerned I feel like backing off ALOT because I am just as vulnerable. I mentioned how we hangout once every 2-3 weeks now (compared to before), and it is pretty easy for me to get the wrong idea about "us", especially for how much she supposedly likes me.Anyhow this all took place as she was on her way going out. She ended up drunk dialing me later that night around 2a.m. and told me she wished I was there with her at her apt. One thing I can give her is that she is very honest about everything she says, and good with letting me in on her plans....but come on, throw me a friggin bone! LOL Whatever for the most part I'm just kind of fed up, and tired of worrying about whatever is really going on. I haven't touched on the Monterey plans and don't think I'm going to. I'm chilling on this for a while....I can only care about someone and the situation at hand for so long before i start to not care at all. It's not worth me getting hurt especially if this turns out to be one screwed up game. Though she is definitely reciprocating differently, but whatever...I'm not going to give in until I see some more effort being put fourth. I haven't made any efforts to call her, in fact I really haven't at all. I usually just respond to her texts and have been short in my responses. Meanwhile I'm gonna go out and have fun this weekend and make myself less available on the phone and what not. WORD! Edited February 29, 2008 by Ebeleptik38
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