Citizen Erased Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Am I deluded if I say I like to believe and actually do believe that really deep inside that my bf has never actually lost feelings for me? He might have suppressed them, but he never actually lost it for me. Or am I just thinking what I'm thinking to ease the pain? I just hate the idea of me having sex with him and spending all this time with him while to him I"m just a friend/f*ck buddy-like girl. That may be the truth thought. It hurts like hell. From what I have gathered, he was genuinely in love with you. The issues in the relationship have blurred that, and he seemed to be struggling with how he felt about you. But the fact that he is taking your breakup and what he thinks as you cheating on him so hard shows that he was still in love with you. He may not have known it, but I'd put money on it that he was. However. This relationship can not be repaired now. The damage has been done and I really do doubt that either of you are right for each other. This has been a complete disaster, this relationship just plain does not work. It may be hard to take that in right now, but unfortunately it is the truth. You need to try to move on from that what ifs, the analysing of everything he says and has said in the past. Mourn the end of the relationship, but do not let it take you under and obsess you.
Author fray718 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 From what I have gathered, he was genuinely in love with you. The issues in the relationship have blurred that, and he seemed to be struggling with how he felt about you. But the fact that he is taking your breakup and what he thinks as you cheating on him so hard shows that he was still in love with you. He may not have known it, but I'd put money on it that he was. I hope what you write is true. I may just be delusional when I say this, but deep inside I do feel that he did love me or at least had serious feelings for me as NuTuDating suggests. But I wonder if he even believes that I ever loved him. When he found out I 'cheated' on him, I still have the voicemail of him saying in the most heartbreaking voice 'why did you have to tell me?! Why didn't you just break up and let it be? Now I feel like this whole r/s was just a lie...I feel crappy now and pissed off!' It hurts me to no end. However. This relationship can not be repaired now. The damage has been done and I really do doubt that either of you are right for each other. This has been a complete disaster, this relationship just plain does not work. It may be hard to take that in right now, but unfortunately it is the truth. You need to try to move on from that what ifs, the analysing of everything he says and has said in the past. Mourn the end of the relationship, but do not let it take you under and obsess you. You are right. In fact, even if it was repairable, I no longer have the energy anymore. I'm just so emotionally drained right now that I just feel all broken inside.
Author fray718 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Great! The ex bf is reading this thread at this very moment!
Citizen Erased Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Great! The ex bf is reading this thread at this very moment! How do you know this? I guess it is only fitting however, you read his
Author fray718 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 How do you know this? I guess it is only fitting however, you read his Ha cuz he txted me and called me literally 'fray718'! Apparently he said that alot of ppl on this thread has PMed him about LS. I called him up after and told him not to read it but ofcourse he wont listen! He plans on reading all my other threads too that date back till April I believe.
DanielMadr Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 yeah yeah everyone hates you. But hey, maybe Jesus loves you after all. Stop being a victim/child. O.K. parents left you abondoned in deep forest. Tough one. Get over it. Take care of dwarves, give your insecurities and abandon-complex good slapping and grow up. Then the frightened child will die and new happy enthusiastic child will be born...a Woman. And then when you dress sexy enough, prince will come and stick a tongue in your beautiful mouth and you will be shagging ever after.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Frankly Fray you reap what you sow. You invaded his privacy by reading his post, now he is doing the same to you. Thoughout this whole situation I have never understood your actions. Why don't you try to treat others as you would want them to treat you? This whole BS about wanting closure is just that - BS. The dumper doesn't get to whine about closure. You dumped him, repeatedly! You treated him very shabbily. What do you expect at this point? However you answer that question - let me tell you your expectations are too much. Leave him alone and start working on yourself.
Kamille Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Ha cuz he txted me and called me literally 'fray718'! Apparently he said that alot of ppl on this thread has PMed him about LS. I called him up after and told him not to read it but ofcourse he wont listen! He plans on reading all my other threads too that date back till April I believe. I'm sorry that happened Fray! I have to admit writing to your ex crossed my mind yesterday when I saw you posted his post verbatim to tell him you were spying on him. It just didn't feel right that you were using that board to make important decisions without even telling him why you were doing what you were doing. I decided against it because you come here for support and it would have felt like a betrayal. Fray, I wish there was a way that you could step out of the emotional turmoil that you are in, even if for just a few minutes. You need to learn some 'calming down' techniques. Do you do yoga? swim? Any sport that could take your mind off things? It'll be ok Fray. Your exbf has always sounded like a nice guy. I'm sure even if he reads this, it'll only help him get his closure and understand why you did the things you did. Now, focus on working on yourself, ok?
Author fray718 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 I'm sorry that happened Fray! I have to admit writing to your ex crossed my mind yesterday when I saw you posted his post verbatim to tell him you were spying on him. It just didn't feel right that you were using that board to make important decisions without even telling him why you were doing what you were doing. I decided against it because you come here for support and it would have felt like a betrayal. Fray, I wish there was a way that you could step out of the emotional turmoil that you are in, even if for just a few minutes. You need to learn some 'calming down' techniques. Do you do yoga? swim? Any sport that could take your mind off things? It'll be ok Fray. Your exbf has always sounded like a nice guy. I'm sure even if he reads this, it'll only help him get his closure and understand why you did the things you did. Now, focus on working on yourself, ok? Yea we talked via phone just now and things seemed calm. I re-read what I wrote and well I kind of feel bad that he read it. But anyway, he said it made it clearer to him that we would never work out. So I guess he got all the answers he needed. I told him that I dont have the answers on my end, and he said that what he posted on his msg board basically sums it up, and well that stung a bit but I guess that's life. Well LS, I guess now I prob won't be comfy posting on this board anymore since my bubble has been bursted. My ex bf said he only read this main thread and not plan to read the other ones and I hope he sticks to that decision. Anyway, he told me to get help and so I'll work on that starting this Friday with the therapist. Thanks everyone for all the advice these past few months!! BYE!
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I'm sorry that happened Fray! I have to admit writing to your ex crossed my mind yesterday when I saw you posted his post verbatim to tell him you were spying on him. It just didn't feel right that you were using that board to make important decisions without even telling him why you were doing what you were doing. I decided against it because you come here for support and it would have felt like a betrayal. I thought the same thing, but decided against it. I wanted the drama here to END, not to continue. I agree with K, Fray. It'll be okay.
Els Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Oh, fray. I followed your thread for the past few weeks, although I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say. You'll be okay though. Just wanted to tell you to take care, if you do decide not to post on LS anymore.
Kamille Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 Yea we talked via phone just now and things seemed calm. I re-read what I wrote and well I kind of feel bad that he read it. But anyway, he said it made it clearer to him that we would never work out. So I guess he got all the answers he needed. I told him that I dont have the answers on my end, and he said that what he posted on his msg board basically sums it up, and well that stung a bit but I guess that's life. Well LS, I guess now I prob won't be comfy posting on this board anymore since my bubble has been bursted. My ex bf said he only read this main thread and not plan to read the other ones and I hope he sticks to that decision. Anyway, he told me to get help and so I'll work on that starting this Friday with the therapist. Thanks everyone for all the advice these past few months!! BYE! I don't blame you for no longer feeling comfy Fray. You can always contact me via PM if you feel like it. Take care... I know not everyone believes this but I do: everything happens for a reason. This will all make sense to you one day.
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I just can't belleive someone PM'ed her ex to tell him about this thread. Don't people see that it's not their place to do that? I mean that action seemed delibaratly aimed at hurting Fray further. I'm also suprised that Fray seems so calm about it. It's kind of sad that people on here can't be trusted. P.S. Fray maybe you should keep seeing your new friend on "just friends" basis and see where it goes.
SeraBella Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I just can't belleive someone PM'ed her ex to tell him about this thread. Don't people see that it's not their place to do that? I mean that action seemed delibaratly aimed at hurting Fray further. I'm also suprised that Fray seems so calm about it. It's kind of sad that people on here can't be trusted. I agree with everything you've said here. Never in my life would I have thought to PM him, I can't imagine why anyone would think that would be a good idea. At the same time, this is the reason it's stressed to keep personal and identifying information off of these things. Hard to do when we're seeking advice for very personal situations.
Author fray718 Posted March 11, 2008 Author Posted March 11, 2008 Just to let the person(s) who PMed my ex know, that I talked to my ex for a second time on the phone about 30 mins after the first time, and well while reading my thread helped him to clearly see the truth, it also really hurt his feelings and it's greatly bothering me right now. He pointed out the bit about how I talked about him not being the one and the ice skating guy being 'better' than him (which is not true, i hope he recalled that i never had those magical sparks with the friend, it only happened once in my life and it was with my ex). Just thought I might point this out so you would have second thoughts about doing something like this again. Thanks. My ex said he won't come back to this msg board again and told me to keep posting if I want so I trust that he won't.
shadowplay Posted March 11, 2008 Posted March 11, 2008 I just can't belleive someone PM'ed her ex to tell him about this thread. Don't people see that it's not their place to do that? I mean that action seemed delibaratly aimed at hurting Fray further. I'm also suprised that Fray seems so calm about it. It's kind of sad that people on here can't be trusted. P.S. Fray maybe you should keep seeing your new friend on "just friends" basis and see where it goes. I agree. That was pretty twisted.
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Just to let the person(s) who PMed my ex know, that I talked to my ex for a second time on the phone about 30 mins after the first time, and well while reading my thread helped him to clearly see the truth, it also really hurt his feelings and it's greatly bothering me right now. He pointed out the bit about how I talked about him not being the one and the ice skating guy being 'better' than him (which is not true, i hope he recalled that i never had those magical sparks with the friend, it only happened once in my life and it was with my ex). Just thought I might point this out so you would have second thoughts about doing something like this again. Thanks. My ex said he won't come back to this msg board again and told me to keep posting if I want so I trust that he won't. Seriously, stop calling the poor guy. End of story. Helped HIM see the truth? That you cheated on him? Leave him alone. The more you try and get your "closure" the more hurt he's going to be and the more **** he's going to stir.
Author fray718 Posted March 12, 2008 Author Posted March 12, 2008 Truth is guys, I think I might just leave LS. This one incident was just a bit too much for me...
NuTuDating Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Well, stop calling him, too. That would make a lot of this end.
Kamille Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) Truth is guys, I think I might just leave LS. This one incident was just a bit too much for me... truth be told - it would most likely make me leave LS if something like that happened. I would feel betrayed. At the same time, I hope you see how it was your actions and decision-making that lead to this incident. You posted his post verbatim, which made it pretty easy to find his public forum. You seem to do things quite impulsively, without thinking them through, from breaking up to posting traceable information on a public forum. You let your emotions dictacte your actions. Something you will most likely learn to channel in a positive way in your therapy sessions. That said, yeah, I wonder about the intentions of whoever contacted your ex. I try to stay out of drama, not provoke it. Edited March 12, 2008 by Kamille
curiousnycgirl Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Fray - I am sure you are feeling quite betrayed and I can understand why. I can also understand if you leave LS - I would think that whomever told your ex of your posts has certainly betrayed the trust of this community. Whatever you decide, I hope you continue to pursue therapy - for YOU. Take this time for YOU. You are a beautiful woman who is full of insecurities. Once you work on that, nothing can stop you.
Ocean-Blue Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 (edited) I just can't belleive someone PM'ed her ex to tell him about this thread. Don't people see that it's not their place to do that? I mean that action seemed delibaratly aimed at hurting Fray further. I'm also suprised that Fray seems so calm about it. It's kind of sad that people on here can't be trusted. I was thinking the same thing. People come here to vent and rant, to get some clarity (or not). I don't know who contacted her ex (or how they got his info), but that is a huge no-no as far as I'm concerned. The only excuse is if they feared Fray hurting herself or someone else. Otherwise, they should've stayed out of it. Fray, I hope your therapy sessions go well. Remember to love yourself first. You cannot sustain a healthy realtionship if you yourself aren't OK. I struggle with my own issues on a frequent basis - it's not easy when you're always questioning yourself and so hard on yourself. Give yourself room to breathe. Be honest with yourself. Most importantly, cut the negative crap out of your life. It ain't worth it. Edited March 12, 2008 by Ocean-Blue
Star Gazer Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Most importantly, cut the negative crap out of your life. It ain't worth it. Amen. So much easier said than done (I should know!), but so true nonetheless.
Citizen Erased Posted March 12, 2008 Posted March 12, 2008 Perhaps him reading it will help both you and him realize it is really over. Was a really ****ty thing for whoever PMed him, but well like whoever it was will admit to it Good luck with your therapist Fray. Hope you can take something away from this. And if you don't feel comfortable posting, you can always create a new user name
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