g1976b Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I heard something the other day that struck me. It may actually pull me out of what I'm dealing with right now. I'm in the same boat as many of you. I made my mistakes, but I'm unable to have a 'second chance' at making things right. What's done is done and she needs to 'find herself' and take care of #1. It's gotten to the point after nearly 6 weeks that I'm starting to get upset and irritated. She's treating me like crap. Yet through everything, she sticks to the mantra of "maybe in 6 months or a year". Honestly with the way she's treating me and the decisions she's making right now I'm not sure if I will even consider a reconciliation after that amount of time, though it's what I think I want most right now. Here's what I've thought about and am mulling around: Is the most perfect act of love sacrifice? Essentially, I want her to come back and try again for selfish reasons. But if what SHE really needs is this time and space to do whatever the hell it is she needs to do and be with whomever she will...can I be so selfish as to dig my heels in and deny her that? If I TRULY love her as I say I do, wouldn't I want to sacrifice and give her what she needs even though it hurts me to the core? Therein lies the question: is the perfect act of love sacrifice or do we need to look out for ourselves and take care of #1? I have my theory but I'm curious as to what my LS friends think. Enlighten me.
quankanne Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 there is no "what if" attached to the statement when someone tells you they need time and space ... for whatever reasons, that person understands the need for it to clarify things. Regardless of what the outcome may be. when you care about someone, truly care about them, you want what they want even when it kills you inside to think of losing them. Because you understand they need something that you have the power to give: in this case, freedom from the relationship. that's not to say that you aren't going to have thoughts that appear selfish because you've got a vested interest in your relationship – that's a very normal response – but to what degree are you willing to sacrifice for the relationship when there are these kinds of issues? That's the main question, I'd think. do we need to look out for ourselves and take care of #1? honestly, I think it all depends on what those needs are! If it's to go back and claim an old lifestyle because you're missing out when you're in a dedicated relationship ... well, that's a bullshxt thing to tell someone, IMO. Or when you hear people talking about how much the grass looks greener on the other side, and they're wanting to go explore those pastures despite the effect it'll have on the permanent relationship they're in now! but if it's something along the lines of mental or physical help – where the person seeking an out of the relationship to work on themselves, but don't want to expose their SO to all the crap they think will be part of that process because they're worried they'll hurt the one they love (illness is a perfect example), then yeah, I can see how such a selfish request would be a bit more legit, even though it's something both parties would be able to work through together. Because then it's about one person wanting to protect another, and the one making the request is making the sacrifice on behalf of the partner.
Nomad1 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 Whenever space is requested, there is almost always someone else involved. It means that the person leaving the relationship is looking after No.1. When she said maybe in 6 months or a year, she was trying to secure a safety net in the event things do not go according to plan. It means that she likes certain aspects of the relationship with you, which she would like to come back to if she ever needs to. Unconditional love is only possible when there is no betrayal involved. i.e if the other person is ill and needs time to recover. BUT, she said she wants to take care of No1 didn't she? That would suggest to me that she wants you to do the same! Take care Nomad1
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 Whenever space is requested, there is almost always someone else involved. It means that the person leaving the relationship is looking after No.1. When she said maybe in 6 months or a year, she was trying to secure a safety net in the event things do not go according to plan. It means that she likes certain aspects of the relationship with you, which she would like to come back to if she ever needs to. Unconditional love is only possible when there is no betrayal involved. i.e if the other person is ill and needs time to recover. BUT, she said she wants to take care of No1 didn't she? That would suggest to me that she wants you to do the same! Take care Nomad1 I disagree, respectfully. I need space and there is no one in my life. Only I am driving my needs and desires. It would be nice to have someone while I 'm going through my stuff, but, being alone has it's clarity.
Haohmaru Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 No 1 <---------------LEASH----------------> you
DavidB Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I think you should concentrate on yourself right now. Give her space, and take yours. Find stuff to keep you occupied, find someone to have a good laugh with, and keep your focus on you.
sao2 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 You are asking this question as if you had a choice in the matter. Really you don't really have that choice. She made a decision to have time and space. You can't respond at this point to how you will feel in 6 months to a year. If she really does hope that you will get back together in time, that is a risk she is taking. She is gambling that if/when her feelings come back your's will still be there. You are not the one making a gamble here. Her feelings are that she doesn't want to hold on to you right now. You are not letting her go, she is choosing to go and you can either make a big fuss about it to try and win her back or she can go peacefully.
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