SadHatter Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Well guys, I posted on here about three weeks ago that my girlfriend of over 2 years broke up with me. She said that she wasn’t attracted to me anymore and only saw me as a best friend. She said the “spark” wasn’t there anymore, but she still wanted me in her life as a best friend. She told me she loved me as a friend but wasn’t in love with me anymore. I’m 25, she’s 18. I hadn’t wanted to fall for someone so young (she was only 16 when I met her for goodness sakes!!!!), but she looked and acted so much more mature and we had so much in common that over time, I fell for her. We tried the mates thing for about a week…it didn’t work so we cut contact. About three days ago, she messaged me online and asked me how I was doing…she said her parents had a car crash and so I responded and asked if everything was OK. She asked me if I was still single and I said, “Of course…we only broke up three weeks ago”. She said, “Me too…although I have ‘a friend’ now”. My stomach sank as I knew exactly what she meant (someone she’s just sleeping with). She told me he lives in my town, he’s 22 and a personal trainer and has his own car and his own house and its really exciting and she just so happens to fancy the pants off him which really helps. She said she met him in a bar, and he’s her friend’s boyfriend’s best mate. I played it cool but was totally and utterly gutted. I was the only person she’d ever been intimate with (she’d never slept with anybody before) and yet here we are now. Within days of us breaking up, she’s sleeping with him. She said she’s been to his house 3 or 4 times now and has stayed overnight the past 2 times. She said she doesn’t want love/commitment/a relationship and she knows he’s using her, but she’s using him just as much and that she knows it sounds stupid but she needs “the chase” and finds it really exciting. She said he didn’t respond to any of her text messages for 2 days and she was really angry, but then he called her late the night before and asked her over and she felt really happy and she almost seems to like being treated badly! I said I couldn’t believe she’d moved on so quickly and that we only broke up three weeks ago and she said that in her mind we were over three months ago and so she’s moved on. She said she knows it sounds stupid but she feels like she needs to do this in order to grow up. I said “Well it sounds like he’s better than me in every single department, probably sex too, so well done!” (being sarcastic) and she said, “Sorry to be harsh but he is….the sex is amazing, he’s a personal trainer, what do you expect!” I told her I’d been for a few drinks with a girl I’d met (which is true) and she poked fun at the girls name, but didn’t seem bothered in the slightest and didn’t ask questions or seem phased at all. I then said I had to go as my little nephew was coming over with my sister and she said she was crying and told me to give him a kiss from her and that she really misses him. She said she missed me this past week, as a friend, my sense of humour and spending time with me. On Sunday night she text me and said, “Fancy a phone chat or is that not what you need?” I didn’t reply. She text me again and said, “If you don’t want a phone chat then just say but don’t ignore me, I’ve had enough of that with him all day not responding to my texts.” I replied, “Thank you for the offer, but I am going to decline. It’s very late (it was midnight) and I have a long day tomorrow. We are where we are and there isn’t much more to say.” She replied, “Ok. I’m just having a very dark dark day. I’m just hoping its cos I’m ill. And my family are arguing, nothing new there I suppose. Night xxx” The next day (yesterday) she text me and said, “He called me really late last night so I’m feeling fairly happy now. I’m staying at his tonight so we’ll see what happens…not that I care much, I care about me, not him, just having a bit of fun.” I said, “OK…have a good night, although it seems to me he’s using you to be honest – it’s a Monday night and he has nothing better to do, you didn’t hear from him all weekend!” She replied and said, “Thanks for the advice but I’m not really interested in your opinion.” This was yesterday afternoon. I haven’t heard from her since. What’s weird is, I spoke to a mutual friend we have yesterday, who knew nothing about this guy. She said, “It’s very strange you know because I asked her just 2 days ago…how is the love life?” and she said, “Absolutely rubbish…nothing happening at all with anyone, not seeing anyone”. Very strange, although I guess she’d argue she isn’t “seeing him”, he’s just someone she’s sleeping with. My head is all over the place with this. She was the loveliest person when we were together and we have soooooooooooo much in common and I’d normally fight for someone like her, she’s intelligent, beautiful, and has almost all of the same interests as me, but now I’m starting to think what’s the point. Any advice anyone?? What’s going on here?? I know I need to be stronger, that goes without saying, but I really am trying my best even if it seems I’m the weakest person alive.
carhill Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Hormones and immaturity (I don't mean that derogatorily; it's just reality for her IMO), perhaps in stark contrast to your initial impression. I'd cut contact for now. By doing that, and breaking the emotional bond, there is room for others as well as more distance if you were to re-connect at some point in the future. One door closes, another opens
s_n_d Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 SadHatter, I really feel your pain. I just found out a few days ago that my ex is seeing someone as well and he has been for a while too. It didnt come as a shock but it still hurts that hes moved on so quick. In the last couple of days, Its been awesome though. I hardly think about him...Whenever I DO think of him, I push the thoughts away. So far, so good and I feel GREATT. Hopefully this feeling lasts.
Recommended Posts