IWALH Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I had the weirdest dream featuring xMM and his wife last night. I haven't dreamt about him since the last time I wrote on here; so while the dreams are less frequent, they are still odd. Usually, when I dream about him, he sees me and freaks out and goes to get his wife. This time, however, I was checking my email and I saw an old email that I never opened and decided to open it to see what it was. What was in there were snapshots and short videos of the several times we got together last year. There were a few very graphic videos. And they looked like they were from somebody who was doing a surveillance. Then I contacted the number that was on there and it was a woman who worked for a Private Investigation company. She said that somebody hired her to spy on him and she captured those short videos and those snapshots. So then I was telling her how I knew it looked really bad, but I was out of my mind at the time and I now felt so bad about it, etc. Then I asked her if she would send those pictures to his wife so I could prove to her that I didn't lie. The woman asked me if I felt true remorse about the situation and I said "110% yes!" So then she agreed to do it. Then my dream fast-forwarded to me being in some kind of big doctor's office and xMM and his wife walked in and she was screaming at him and then she saw me and was actually very nice to me and she APOLOGIZED to me. Then, when he wasn't around, she told me that she was the one who hired the PI in the first place. Then she went in to see the doctor and it was just me and xMM. He asked me who took the pictures and how they got to her and I told him I guess someone was doing a surveillance of him last year. Then he told me that things weren't going to last much longer between them because he was really tired of doing the same thing every day and being bored with his life. I just shrugged. I don't recall saying anything at all to him at that point. Then his wife came back out and told him that he needed to go in there with her. Then they were acting lovey-dovey and she told him that she forgave him even though she had proof that he was lying to her!! I woke up very happy when I was still in my dream-like state because I was thinking "she finally has proof and knows that I wasn't lying!" But then I realized it was a dream and I was bummed again. I still think that is the thing that upsets me the most about the whole affair. Yes, it was horrible sleeping with him and making plans with him. Yes, it was AWFUL hanging out with them all together when I thought he was going to be leaving her in August. But the thing I feel worst about is him making ME look like the liar. Making ME look like I just made everything up! I am stupid for some of the things that I did, but I am not that stupid. I feel REALLY stupid for telling him to tell her that to make him not "lose his kids." I was so stupidly loyal to him! And it makes me feel sick to my stomach that there are people out there who believe him while he just sits back and knows that he is lying (then again, I will never know if he actually confessed or not, I can just assume based on our last conversations). How can someone do that? On top of everything else he did to me!!!! UGH!!! This is the kind of thing that just infuriates me about him. Him lying about me, lying to ME about his marriage, not caring about our daughter, not paying child support. Okay, now I am just full of rage against him again. Are there any dream interpreters out there?
whichwayisup Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 The dreams are a sign that you don't have closure. Somehow you need to let go and make peace with everything that has happened and accept that he threw you under the bus, making himself not be the bad guy. It is what it is - His wife has chosen to believe him, and not 'see' what really happened. But, your truth, his truth and her truth are all different than the 'actual' truth. Depends which angle one looks at it.. Anyway, try not to let this dream or any other dream make you feel bad, set you off and upset you.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I don't think there is much to interpret there. Its pretty straightforward - unfinished emotional business, more or less.
Author IWALH Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 The dreams are a sign that you don't have closure. Somehow you need to let go and make peace with everything that has happened and accept that he threw you under the bus, making himself not be the bad guy. It is what it is - His wife has chosen to believe him, and not 'see' what really happened. But, your truth, his truth and her truth are all different than the 'actual' truth. Depends which angle one looks at it.. Anyway, try not to let this dream or any other dream make you feel bad, set you off and upset you. You are probably right about me not having closure. Slowly I am getting it... but I don't feel like I will ever truly have it since I was kind of just left hanging by him and because I have no idea what he has said to anyone else about what happened. There are 3 who know the truth, though. I was there, he was there, and God was there. The three of us know exactly what happened... and in the end, I guess that is all that really matters. It just sucks that I am reaping all the negative effects from what happened (the endless guilt, shame, etc.) and he isn't reaping any of it because he just constantly lies and probably even lies to himself to cover up any of those kind of feelings. I guess what kills me the most is that NOBODY else knows exactly what happened except him and myself (well, and 2 of my very close friends... most people I don't tell the entire truth to because I hate myself, and him, for it). So it just kind of sucks, I guess. It's just one of those things I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life. Then again, I don't even know if he finally did admit everything to her. I highly doubt he did, but you never know. That's what kills me. Never knowing anything about anything.... If that even makes sense. I am starting to worry about him and have dreams about him probably because I am going back up to where I used to live (where he currently lives) next week and I am going to be in the same area, same town even for a little bit, and I just know it's going to be hard. Plus I am dealing with the whole "to pursue or not to pursue" child support thing. And mid-terms are killing me! I am just a little ball of stress right now. Blah.
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