nashua Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 How often does everyone cry while seeing a therapist? I just find that I really am miss waterworks when it comes to therapy sessions. I'm not even in therapy, but I am applying for a MA in Arts Therapy. During a group interview, there was a one on one session with one of the core faculty members and the tears just came rolling down when she asked about the drawing we did as a group. I began to tell her about the lifetime criticism I have received from my parents and how I have low self esteem and am just doing everything in my power to NOT be like my negative and critical parents. Back to the question though, do people feel okay crying in therapy. If so, how often do you cry?
D-Lish Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I used to let 'er fly pretty much everytime I went. It was my weekly catharsis...always a safe place to let go.
Trimmer Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Pretty much every visit for probably the first 6 months, and gradually sloping off after that, as a result of both time/distance from my separation, and working through the issues around it... As D-Lish said... catharsis, safety. It was the place where I felt safe to let it out; without that process, I would have stuffed it down inside and it would probably still be simmering, cooking, boiling inside me in some fashion to this day...
D-Lish Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Agreed.... the safety of the therapist's environment is a great comfort zone. I have two places I cry- my bath tub, and my therapists office. I don't know why- but everytime I feel the urge to cry, I run a bath and let the tears fly there. Why stifle the tears... I usually feel spent, but better after a good cry.
sedgwick Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I have a new therapist. I've seen her three times and cried every single time. Even if I've been doing okay, I still cry whenever I see her, I think just because i know I can. I know it's the place I can let it out, because my friends are sick of hearing it. With my previous therapist, I'd say I cried maybe one in three or four visits. I saw her for two years.
Mouldylocks Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Every time I see her - and then I probably cry for 45 out of the 60 minutes I'm there. Sometimes it's horrible gasping sobs, other times the tears just flow but I can speak coherently. She assures me it's 'healthy' and just part of the healing process. I do hope she's right - I'm emotionally exhausted afterwards.
KittenMoon Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 My therapist kept several boxes of tissues in the room at all times. I cried a good portion of the time I was seeing her. It's good to just let loose- I don't know if others are like me, but I find it easier and more relaxing to cry with someone than alone. Like those Kleenex commercials say: Just let it out!
Trialbyfire Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I cried once during my therapy sessions after D-day. It felt good to release some pent up anger and frustration. Beyond that, it wasn't necessary in that I found it counterproductive, for self and external examination, since a substantial emotional upheaval tends to limit my ability to think clearly and rationally. Different people handle issues in different manners. For me, once you isolate the issues, they have to make rational/healthy sense or they tend to get ejected. There's no use hanging onto something, when there's no cost/benefit to it. Self-pity can immobilize forward momentum.
blind_otter Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I cried during the first few sessions when I was talking a lot about my past. I admit I still have a lot of issues regarding that stuff. But as time went on the waterworks slowed down. Lately I cry all the effing time, tho. Horomones are a bitch.
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I spend about half of each session welled up with tears, and about 3 minutes actually crying. I've only been like 6 times so far though. I agree with D - it's a safe place, and very cathartic.
Author nashua Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 I cried once during my therapy sessions after D-day. It felt good to release some pent up anger and frustration. Beyond that, it wasn't necessary in that I found it counterproductive, for self and external examination, since a substantial emotional upheaval tends to limit my ability to think clearly and rationally. Different people handle issues in different manners. For me, once you isolate the issues, they have to make rational/healthy sense or they tend to get ejected. There's no use hanging onto something, when there's no cost/benefit to it. Self-pity can immobilize forward momentum. This is interesting. I can see what you mean. I guess if I knew I could control the crying, I wouldn't cry so much. I'm hoping that over time, the crying will lessen, but i don't think I really have that kind of control. I agree though about " a substantial emotional upheaval tends to limit my ability to think clearly and rationally" I tend to be the same way, and find that the tears are while a very good release, still limit my ability to cope with the issue at hand. I'm a crier though. Oh yes, i am.
D-Lish Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 When you say you can't control the tears...is this happening all the time? Like you can't control in public, private and everywhere between?
Author nashua Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 When you say you can't control the tears...is this happening all the time? Like you can't control in public, private and everywhere between? No, I can control them in public and most of the time. But when I get around to talking to a therapist, or my parents maybe, I'd get all emotional and worked up. I cry in a healthy way when i'm alone though.
kns81 Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 I also have critical parents and I often find myself crying at therapy almost every session (once a week) crying is a release for me.
DavidB Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Best place to do it. I found the tears became less, and more positive stuff happened. The wound in your soul, has to be released and when in therapy you're purposely probing that jagged edge.
Lizzie60 Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 How often does everyone cry while seeing a therapist? I just find that I really am miss waterworks when it comes to therapy sessions. I'm not even in therapy, but I am applying for a MA in Arts Therapy. During a group interview, there was a one on one session with one of the core faculty members and the tears just came rolling down when she asked about the drawing we did as a group. I began to tell her about the lifetime criticism I have received from my parents and how I have low self esteem and am just doing everything in my power to NOT be like my negative and critical parents. Back to the question though, do people feel okay crying in therapy. If so, how often do you cry? If it wasn't OK to cry in therapy.. I guess you wouldn't need therapy.. You don't go in therapy when your life is great.. you go when it's not so great and you need help... I was in therapy for years.. and yes, I cried most of the time.. that's why I don't believe in therapy anymore.. they just sit there and watch you cry.. anyway... IMO there are more 'bad therapists' than good ones..
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 ....I was in therapy for years.. and yes, I cried most of the time.. that's why I don't believe in therapy anymore.. they just sit there and watch you cry.. anyway... IMO there are more 'bad therapists' than good ones.. Lol. Thinking back I am wondering if I was paying big bucks to sit in her office and cry once a week. Did she ever suggest anything? hmm, trying to remember. If she did, I didn't hear- BECAUSE I WAS CRYING. lmao. That was funny.
directx Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Well DLish, did you have any sessions without crying? Maybe she made you cry so she wouldn't have to work.
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Well DLish, did you have any sessions without crying? Maybe she made you cry so she wouldn't have to work. Lol. She was actually pretty good. I already had all the insight- she just helped me to find perspective and use the tools I already had. It was motivation too. But yes... she did often just stare at me with the kleenex box outstretched.
directx Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Lol. She was actually pretty good. I already had all the insight- she just helped me to find perspective and use the tools I already had. It was motivation too. But yes... she did often just stare at me with the kleenex box outstretched. I should try therapy myself. I hope it was a good experience for you. But i realize its none of my business.
Trimmer Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 While I respect Lizzie's belief about what works in her life, I know that in my life, being able to cry and deal with some difficult emotions was a significant benefit. You see, all through my own life I've been instinctively more like TBF, where I try to think my way rationally into and through experiences and then I put them away, and have considered "emotional upheaval" as an obstacle to be avoided in that process. As a result, I haven't experienced the emotional side of a lot of my life, including things like the losses of a parent and a sibling. (And TBF - I'm not claiming, by extension, that this is an issue for you - it's just the way my nature has manifested itself in my own life...) It wasn't until I was probing these corners of my life in therapy that I really felt the losses of my sister and my father for the first time 10 years after they happened. I didn't experience grief for either of them when either one died - how f***ed up is that? Now you could say - oh, you didn't "need" therapy, maybe you could have come to your insights on your own... Sure. Self-help can be a powerful thing. I can change my own oil - even rebuild an engine myself - and there are a lot of bad mechanics out there, but it doesn't mean I don't "believe" in them, nor that I would advise against someone else seeking out a good one if they need help. A therapist works for you, and a good one will help you find whatever work it is you need to do, in the way that you need to do it. For me, I started out thinking that I wanted to stop feeling - to learn to shut off my grief - and through the course of my visits, I realized that what I needed was just the opposite - to be able to feel and experience my grief all the way through, to give it its day, so that I could move on in my life. That resulted in a fair amount of crying, in among all the self-exploration, and I wouldn't have it any other way, nor do I devalue the time I spent with balls of tissue pressed into my eye sockets... Therapy is personal - intensely personal. It may not be "for everyone" and it doesn't take the same form for everyone. Really, it's all up to you.
latefragment Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 Trimmer, what you said made me realize something. I have the opposite problem. I am a waterworks show a la the bellagio - even sad scenes in movies can set me off (if I'm already sad about something). And when I get dumped, get ready for 5 sob sessions a day whenever I can duck out and cry in private. So, while I know bottling your emotions is bad, it seems to me like it may be "better" than my (and others') endless sobbing. I.e., you focus too much on "not feeling" and "moving on" while I can't seem to handle NOT crying. It's like, in my value system, crying is (1) out of my control --- very hard to control, at least, when I am at work I usually manage to keep a lid on it (2) I see it as beneficial for "letting it out" and "grieving" even though I don't like the actual activity of crying (can't stand getting puffy eyed, dehydrated, and a long sob session usually leaves me feeling hysterical, crazy, and with a headache). Now it seems like for some people they are actually able to "control" their crying and they also view it as "not" beneficial. This is making me think I am some sort of crazy alien because I've held differing thoughts. Recently I've started reading about how your thoughts create your emotions so an "easy" (yeah right) way to stop being so depressed is to "force" yourself to NOT think depressing thoughts. I had never really accepted this tenet of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to be true, but I see that, within certain limitations, it can work. Which raises the whole question: if emotions are so "bad" for us ... then why did humans even evolve to have emotions and the capacity to cry? And it goes back to the main question in this thread: Is crying (1) detrimental to or (2) helpful to ... therapy?
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