blind_otter Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think the question I'd be asking myself, were I her, would be is this FWB or is it an open relationship? Mental Traveller asserted that she's not his girlfriend. It's not a romantic relationship. What does that mean? No kissing or cuddling? No romantic exchanges? None of the non-sexual intimate things that people in a romantic relationship do once they're comfortable with eachother? That's exactly what a FWB relationship is like. NO hand-holding, no cuddling, no dates. FWB can be friendly, hang out and watch TV or a movie or something, but nothing beyond that. That's how I managed to manuever through those types of relationships successfully. And I still got screwed, but in other ways, like when my FWB left his dog at my house for 2 days while he was hooking up with another chick - totally his perogative, as long as he was using protection - but WTF am I looking after his damn dog for?? I'd find that very difficult to believe given that these two have been intimate for months now. if there are romantic exchanges and non sexual intimacy, then they're lovers. As I understand it, that's the grown ups' equivalent of Friends With Benefits. As stated above, I disagree that lovers = FWB. Lovers DO those intimate things like cuddling, holding hands, and kissing on the mouth. IME FWB are almost always a bad idea because if there is not clear communication and boundaries set from the beginning of the interaction, one or the other party inevitably gets attached and gets hurt.
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 do i have a right to call him out on being an *******? or will he throw it back in my face and remind me i am not his girlfriend and that i knew what i was getting into. i am definitely not going to call him out on it, but want to know if i have a right to be angry. Not really... FWB is just that.. no commitment, both partners are free to sc*w as many people they want.. I think you are too emotionally involved with this guy and the deal is not 'fun' anymore for you. But if your friend is paying for sex.. then he's a jerk... No seriously, if he is paying underage girls... then I don't think I could be friend with a 'pervert" pedophile... honestly.
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 You go girl! But this guy IS a jerk too. Even if you're just friends hanging out and there had been no sex between you at all, him hooking up with some chick for sex and just walking out of your little get together is 5hitty in my book. As a FRIEND period. I have to disagree.. I haven't read the whole thread but from the OP.. he never promised her anything.. they are roomates.. So from your post, in his situation, (roomate with a FWB) he can't have sex with other girls.. therefore it becomes exclusive.. which is the opposite of FWB..
Taramere Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 That's exactly what a FWB relationship is like. NO hand-holding, no cuddling, no dates. Why not? What's to be gained from being friends with benefits rather than lovers who aren't exclusive?
Lizzie60 Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I think you misunderstood. I'm not saying the having sex with another girl was wrong. I'm saying, as a friend (regardless of the benefits), if you're with a group of friends hanging out and some gal calls and you run out on your friends for the hookup, I just think that's a lousy thing for so-called friends to do to each other. I do think it's lousy, too, though for him to put it in her face like that. He didn't have to make it quite so obvious. Not that she has any "rights" to him, but just as common courtesy, which is sadly lacking in this day and age. Oh I thought they were roomates as well.. sorry... yes I have to agree that it wasn't the most courteous thing to do.. but if she doesn't like the way he behaves.. for pete's sake.. she sure doesn't have to put up with it.. simple as that.. they're are tons of men out there who would be more than willing to have sex with no strings..
Taramere Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Sex with no strings. Strings presumably equalling emotional complications. Wouldn't it be great to be able to say "I'm going to sleep with this person regularly. I won't develop any tender, romantic or confusing feelings for them...because that's how cool and emotionally controlled I am...." and actually stick to it? No wonder so many people decide to give it a bash.
JerseyShortie Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 This is quite simple. The guy didn't make any promises to her. He isn't a jerk for that. He is a jerk however for his lack of couth in answering other girls calls infront of her. The problem with people today is that nobody cares about basic respect anymore. It's all about "me and mine and what I get". THAT is why he is a jerk. Because he is just lacking basic respect. And every human being on the planet whether you think deserve it or not, does deserve to be treated with respect.
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