Have you changed your MM?

[Je Ne Regrette Rien]

A cheater is always a cheater...that old chestnut brought out again?

 

Luckily, as the thread suggests, MM have the capacity to change due to circumstances. The loving environment, the understanding, the lack of bullying and low self esteem, the feeling of being someone who is needed and wanted and respected - cheating isn't a personality trait (in my circumstance). It's a product of poor circumstance.

[Owl]

cheating isn't a personality trait (in my circumstance). It's a product of poor circumstance.

 

I'm not sure that I agree. There are always multiple options in how to deal with poor circumstances. Cheating is ONE of those options. The decision to CHOOSE cheating as an option is a personality trait...especially when done mutliple times.

 

I don't see how opting to cheat is NOT a personality trait for most...because I can see that there are always other options...to include just ending the marriage to begin with.

 

And those MP's who REPEATEDLY chose to cheat clearly ARE demonstrating personality traits. The options you chose in any given situation are defined by your personality...often even more than they're influenced by the circumstances.

[twice_shy]

Luckily, as the thread suggests, MM have the capacity to change due to circumstances. The loving environment, the understanding, the lack of bullying and low self esteem, the feeling of being someone who is needed and wanted and respected - cheating isn't a personality trait (in my circumstance). It's a product of poor circumstance.

 

then why didn't I cheat in the midst of my poor circumstances with my XW?

 

its a personality trait. Otherwise, why would people who have perfectly fine relationships with their SO's cheat?

 

Some people cheat because of such circumstances, which still makes it wrong and despicable in my book, some people cheat just simply for the thrill of f####g a new face. The thrill of conquest. The excitement of boffing someone new. Some people, no matter how good they have it, cheat anyway.

 

So are you saying that good circumstances and bad circumstances cause people to cheat?

Edited February 28, 2008 by twice_shy

[OWoman]

then why didn't I cheat in the midst of my poor circumstances with my XW?

 

Dunno - how much do you weigh? Do you dress funny? Walk around with a chainsaw and argue with your imaginary friends in public places?

 

If a guy can't get laid, there's usually a reason.

[Owl]

LOL...that's HARSH!!!

 

FWIW, I didn't cheat either.

 

I have all the normal limbs, and children and small animals don't cry and run when I'm walking down the street.

 

No recent complaints of horrendous body odor or requests to stop dressing in whale blubber.

 

I didn't cheat because I didn't look for it. I didn't seek out an opportunity, and even if one had, I wouldn't have pursued it or allow it to happen.

 

I've had lots of 'chances' over the years. I've worked with many attractive women, and even been in situations where it was clear that they were 'interested'...but I refused to allow that 'opportunity' to develop. I knew the risks, and declined to follow up.

 

Its a CHOICE. The difference is that some people choose not to...and some choose to do so.

[twice_shy]

Dunno - how much do you weigh? Do you dress funny? Walk around with a chainsaw and argue with your imaginary friends in public places?

 

If a guy can't get laid, there's usually a reason.

 

What does refraining from cheating in the midst of poor circumstances at home have to do with what you said?

[nextel]

Dunno - how much do you weigh? Do you dress funny? Walk around with a chainsaw and argue with your imaginary friends in public places?

 

If a guy can't get laid, there's usually a reason.

 

 

so, so, so true.

[OWoman]

What does refraining from cheating in the midst of poor circumstances at home have to do with what you said?

 

Owl got it.

[BetrayedMM]

Dunno - how much do you weigh? Do you dress funny? Walk around with a chainsaw and argue with your imaginary friends in public places?

 

If a guy can't get laid, there's usually a reason.

LMAO! That's gotta be just about the funniest post I've read round here yet!

 

Seriously though, 'opportunities' to cheat are everywhere. There's a big difference between can't and won't. Can't implies that someone attempted and failed.

 

I agree. We've all seen guys that have an amazing talent for scaring away women, it's kind of sad. Somehow, even when they know what they're doing wrong, they still can't get anywhere.

 

For that matter, there's usually a good reason someone won't do something.

 

For instance- I choose not to even attempt anything like that. Why? Because I did that, I made that mistake when I was a teenager. The results of my seeking external validation somewhere inside a stray vagina were disaster. Once I figured out why I put everyone involved in such a painful situation, I learned that it just wasn't worth it, and that any validation I got from it was more than negated by the misery it caused, including my own. I did it under the mistaken impression that I would feel better about myself (cake eater), yet it accomplished the opposite.

 

So, in my case, I choose to be monogamous. I do so in the face of frequent temptation and abundant opportunities. I feel like I fell for a scam once, but never again. No way. That's just me, I'm sure there are other reasons to come to the same conclusion.

Edited March 1, 2008 by BetrayedMM