superm0nkey Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Hey Guys, Haven't really been back here much in a while. I Figured I'd check in and share some of what I've learned. It's been about five months since the split with my ex-fiance and about four months since she took off overseas. She's contacted me a couple of times via email to give me brief updates on where she is and what she's doing. The last time she was in contact was an email earlier this month saying she wanted to meet up when she got home later this year. I replied stating that I didn't want to see her again - it was a tough but necessary step. Anyhow, here's what I've learned over the past few months. Keep in mind these are all personal observations and can't/don't apply to everyone out there: The first two months are the worst. This is the time when you'll suffer the most. Don't get mixed up in drugs and booze or do anything stupid. Trust me, you'll probably want to. Be gentle with yourself and don't try and fight it... just let it all sink in.See a professional counselor and talk about how you're feeling. This will give you a safe environment to talk about whatever you like - and most likely give your friends a break from hearing about it constantly.Surround yourself with positive people and stay away from negative influences. I know for me the break up was also a chance to assess the other relationships in my life and make changes where they were no longer constructive or positive.Give up hope of reconciling. It's broken. Let it go and take steps towards moving on.Cut off ALL contact. That includes social networking and photo sharing sites. You really don't want to know what your ex is doing. You just don't.People will disagree with me on this one - but you'll move on as fast as you want to. That's not to say you can just wake up one day and decide to be over it, but you can take positive steps towards improving your situation. Sitting on your couch won't help you. Get out into the world and start doing things that make you feel better.Date... or don't. For me seeing other people helped me in a bunch of ways; most importantly my self esteem jumped up a few notches. It was also a healthy means of distraction from what I was going through. Hooking up will most likely make you feel worse if things are still fresh, though... try and avoid jumping into a sexual relationship until you feel you're completely ready.The turning point for me was the moment I realised I was happier on my own than when I was back in the relationship days. Life can be an amazing journey if you allow it to take you where you need to be. I wouldn't say I'm 100% over things - it still hurts sometimes, but on the whole I'm happy with my life and who I am. In a lot of ways I'm a better man now than I was last year (or even the year before that). If I've taken one thing away from this experience that's more important than all the other lessons it is this: Surviving is easy. All you have to do is keep breathing. Living... isn't quite so simple. As tired a platitude as it is - things WILL get better. Just keep on going and always keep your chin up. The personal growth you'll experience when you come out the other side of it all will give you the strength and wisdom you need to move on to the next stage of your life - whatever that might be. Hope this helps 1
breakup Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 your post is really motivating. i have been broken up with my ex for four month now. the last time we had any sort of contact was when she text me 3 weeks back. after that i told her to never contact me ever again. the thing is that most of the morning that i wake up, sometimes during the day, and frequently at night is when i start thinking about her. i just think of some of the moments that we share together. sometimes replaying our first kiss to the day that we broke up. the question i have is that i accept that we're done but i can't seem to let it go. we dated for 4 1/2 yrs and she was my first g/f. i assuming that the reason why. i am just kind of confuse at what i want now. not sure if starting a new relationship will help or not. she moved on and i wished her the best in her new relationship from the last time i wrote her a email.
BalancenLuv20 Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 your post is really motivating. i have been broken up with my ex for four month now. the last time we had any sort of contact was when she text me 3 weeks back. after that i told her to never contact me ever again. the thing is that most of the morning that i wake up, sometimes during the day, and frequently at night is when i start thinking about her. i just think of some of the moments that we share together. sometimes replaying our first kiss to the day that we broke up. the question i have is that i accept that we're done but i can't seem to let it go. we dated for 4 1/2 yrs and she was my first g/f. i assuming that the reason why. i am just kind of confuse at what i want now. not sure if starting a new relationship will help or not. she moved on and i wished her the best in her new relationship from the last time i wrote her a email. I know for me breakup that part of the reason those memories still come back is because I haven't partaken in a serious r-ship since our breakup 5 months ago...outside of a new years fling with a girl and a few dates that didn't go anywhere, I haven't been involved with anyone else...however I also understand that having a new r-ship is not the solution to everything...that a combination of time and staying on the right path and that implementing some of the excellent advice people like supermonkey convey will make things better and it has for me...u said your gf has someone new and so now it's just a matter of realizing there is nothing you can do, she is not the same person she was, she no longer loves you and wants to be with you, and that moving on is the only way you can achieve happiness in your future...this is a time where you need to focus on the present and the future, not reflect on the heartwrenching memories of the past...
Author superm0nkey Posted February 27, 2008 Author Posted February 27, 2008 u said your gf has someone new and so now it's just a matter of realizing there is nothing you can do, she is not the same person she was, she no longer loves you and wants to be with you, and that moving on is the only way you can achieve happiness in your future...this is a time where you need to focus on the present and the future, not reflect on the heartwrenching memories of the past... That was the toughest part of the process for me as well - forcing myself to accept the fact that my ex would never be a part of my future. Turns out that wasn't such a bad thing in the end The upside is that being on your own for a while gives you an awesome opportunity to work on yourself and your own life without worrying about anyone else. And possibly having yourself some interesting life experiences along the way! 1
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