layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Hi all - dont hate me Im in a long distance relationship, and am into bdsm, and cant help going on chat sites and talking to guys about it. I then talk to them on msn (a seperate account from the one i use for talking to my mates) and we just say what we'd do to each other, like how hed tie me up and whatever else. Usually i dont know their names, ages, what they look like or anything. I never use my real name or any real details about myself, have never given out a phone number or anything further than talking about it. I have no intention to phone them, meet them, whatever. My boyfriend doesnt sexually/physically satisfy me, mostly because we're both virgins and dont know what we're doing, altho i have more knowledge about stuff, but only from the internet and friends. I want to know if im cheating on my boyfriend, i love him very much but i only see him every month or so, and when hes away and im horny i just tend to get the urge to go on these sites, and occasionally act out a fantasy with someone on there. Im a horrible horrible person :(:(
StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Fantasies are fantasies. Some people dream of their mega-star crush when they're actually having sex with their partner, and that's not cheating. It's not even unhealthy. I personally don't find talking about a fetish you have with strangers to be cheating, especially if you don't give out any personal information at all. However, it's a personal opinion about cheating with your situation. If you FEEL like you're cheating, than you probably are. The internet has made it far easier to blur the lines of cheating or not, so it's kind of up to you to decide this one.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 It's not cheating... but is there a reason you don't do it with your partner? Is it a private fetish or fantasy?
pinkpassion Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I don't know if I can give you a fair answer on this, but I will try. Normally, in my opinion something like this would fall in the "cheating" catagory in my book, but givin the circumstances that you don't know these people in "real life", never met them and don't intend to,and have no kind of bond with them; its not really cheating, but its not being loyal either. Just recently I had the urge to look through my longterm boyfriend's cell phone and found text messages exchanged between him and another girl at work (who he had explained to me before the only reason they have each other's number was because she wanted advise about something and they became friends) and from what I read in the messages they had been exchanging nude photos of each other and talking sexually towards each other. And one instance where she sent him a video. After confronting him, he explained to me that they were friends and it started out as joking and went to far. From what he says that's as far as it went. I know this hurt me, and it might not be the exact same situation but the way I feel is, if you are doing nothing wrong let him know how you feel. Because one day, it will out and you will wish you had. Im sorry you are in the situation you are in, and I can tell you feel horrible and I hope it all works out. (Im new to this and I can't figure out how to post a thread)
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 thanks for the quick replies strawberry lime i sort of feel like i am cheating, i feel dirty when im doing it and afterwards, because i should be totally commited to my boyfriend and not be doing these things. blue eyed brain i do do it to a certain extent with my boyfriend, altho the things i talk about online are just these things that are my fantasies, but i would never do in real life coz theyre just scary lol. ive just deleted my account from the site i used, and also my msn account that i used to chat further. i still feel horrible though :(:(
Legend Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 You're cheating plain and simple. If he knew, you'd be no more.
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 pinkpassion aww wow i feel for you im glad you had the trust enough to survive that. i really dont want to tell him, because i mean whats he going to think of talking to guys on the internet in a sexual way? it really doesnt sound good. infact i just CANT tell him, because i cant do that to him. i hope it wont out one day :( legend all i have to say is.............. what have i done?
Arch Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Never do what you did again its disrespectful to your bf, your relationship and yourself. Why don't you "cyber" with your boyfriend instead of random people in chat rooms? Better yet have your bf and you make two Second Life accounts - you can buy some pretty kinky BDSM mods you two could use online with each other while apart.
pinkpassion Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I am here for you if you need someone to talk to about it. I know it will hurt him and if you continue to do it he will find out. If you have aim, my handle is : naughtyangelfrk (Something I have had sine like 9th grade)
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 i wont do it again, i feel totally dirty and ashamed, i just want him here to tell him how much i love him and just a cuddle from him we are both shy is why we have trouble doing this stuff ourselves, wed feel silly
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 thanks pinkpassion, but i dont have aim im afraid it will hurt him so much, hes just the perfect guy, i dont want to hurt him at all im never doing it again i feel really sick and ashamed of myself, how could i do this to him
Arch Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 i wont do it again, i feel totally dirty and ashamed, i just want him here to tell him how much i love him and just a cuddle from him we are both shy is why we have trouble doing this stuff ourselves, wed feel silly Why shy about it? I don't get the problem, you both enjoy it don't you?
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 yeah we do, just like i think we are immature about this stuff, i mean we have trouble saying the word 'sex'. this is both our first relationship, and i dunno, we're just shy
Arch Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 yeah we do, just like i think we are immature about this stuff, i mean we have trouble saying the word 'sex'. this is both our first relationship, and i dunno, we're just shy hmm I don't see a problem in making sure a committed relationship exists before intercourse occurs, that to me actually seems to be the correct thing to do - but you should really be able to talk openly about what you want with your partner.
Author layercakegal Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 well sometimes i just have to come out and say stuff, because its a nightmare trying to get a decisive decision or comment out of him lol. it will come when it comes, im not in a rush to have sex, because i think itd be worse if we had sex and both lost our virginity to each other, and then he had to go back home the next day and i wouldnt see him for another month. *sigh*
Arch Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 well sometimes i just have to come out and say stuff, because its a nightmare trying to get a decisive decision or comment out of him lol. it will come when it comes, im not in a rush to have sex, because i think itd be worse if we had sex and both lost our virginity to each other, and then he had to go back home the next day and i wouldnt see him for another month. *sigh* So just make it clear what you want, thats my point he won't magically know.
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