StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 (edited) So, two months ago I started dating a guy who I am mad about. He's not my normal type of artist-types (meaning he's not as open with his emotions and almost never talks about his feelings.) But here's the deal. We had a very short "Honeymoon Period" where we saw each other 3 times a week (which is a big deal, because his schedule is not really standard) and talked every day in some form (txt or calls). Now at the two month mark, things have rather abruptly changed. We see each other once a week (and he DOES have more time than that), he rarely calls unless I ask him to, and will reply to one txt that I send him MAX (if there's no reply I don't send more than one or call him more than once). The thing is, when we're together it's great. He looks at me like he cares for me deeply (you know that stare that men have when they're just lost in your face), listens to me when I talk, is affectionate, does not lack in the sex department, and tells me he loves making me smile and laugh. I'm pretty easy-going and all, but when he doesn't try to contact me for two days and I'm always the one making time to see him and asking him when he's free, I start to feel a bit like I'm being taken advantage of. He seems to be perfectly fine with our time apart and doesn't ever say he misses me even if I say it to him. I told him that I would like a call every couple of days because staying in contact is important to me, and he has been doing a little bit better maybe (sending a single txt). I also said that I wanted to make sure that I haven't overstepped his commitment level by demanding too much of his time, but he never said whether I was or not. Just kind of ignored that one. Anyway, am I just being too overly-sensitive because this is not the type of thing I'm used to? I'm used to having relationships where we miss each other a lot (and tell each other) and see each other as much as possible. Or have I finally found a guy who isn't really all that into me? I'm getting all of these mixed signals and I don't know what to do with them. Any advice would be appreciated. Edited February 26, 2008 by StrawberryLime
Star Gazer Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I also said that I wanted to make sure that I haven't overstepped his commitment level by demanding too much of his time, but he never said whether I was or not. Just kind of ignored that one. Have you two had any conversation where your commitment level was established at all? In my experience, when the honeymoon period abruptly changes like this, it doesn't end well.
Author StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 Have you two had any conversation where your commitment level was established at all? In my experience, when the honeymoon period abruptly changes like this, it doesn't end well. Well, we've established that we're boyfriend and girlfriend, but even those terms are a bit organic these days. We're exclusive with each other, that much is certain.
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 No, you are not being over-sensitive. In my opinion it's bad news when you have to ask a guy for more contact. He should want to talk to you because he is missing you, not because he thinks he HAS to. He might have met someone else or he just simply doesn't think you would work out in the long term.
Author StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 No, you are not being over-sensitive. In my opinion it's bad news when you have to ask a guy for more contact. He should want to talk to you because he is missing you, not because he thinks he HAS to. He might have met someone else or he just simply doesn't think you would work out in the long term. I'm actually certain that there's no one else, though I can't discount the "I might not be the one" thing at all. I'm wondering if maybe stopping contacting him would inspire him to contact me. I mean, I'm putting in the effort now, so perhaps he thinks that he needn't bother because he knows I'm going to contact him?
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I'm wondering if maybe stopping contacting him would inspire him to contact me. I mean, I'm putting in the effort now, so perhaps he thinks that he needn't bother because he knows I'm going to contact him? That's definetly a better idea than pastering him for more contact. Just resist the urge to call/text and you will have your answer - either he will miss you and initiate contact or he will do the "fade" thing.
Author StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 (edited) That's definetly a better idea than pastering him for more contact. Just resist the urge to call/text and you will have your answer - either he will miss you and initiate contact or he will do the "fade" thing. I'll certainly note that as a possibility. I'm just not sure if I'm able to hold off without confronting him first, or something. Edited February 26, 2008 by StrawberryLime
Author StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 Did you sex him up yet? Yeah, we do the sex thing most times we meet up.
Crestfallen_KH Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 It does kind of sound like he's not really into the relationship. Has he recently gotten out of an LTR? I'm just asking because I've found that I've been behaving much like this guy with the sort of push/pull dynamic and now he seems to be pushing more than pulling. If it's not too early in the relationship, you could ask him what's going on or what he thinks about you. I don't think that two months into an exclusive relationship is too early. Alternatively, you could start distancing yourself and see if he reaches out, but that would only be a temporary bandage I think. It's definitely true that if a guy is interested you'll hear from him and the fact that he is not initiating contact is a pretty telling, if unfortunate, sign.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Hmm sounds like he doesn't really see the relationship as something that's important to him. Usually a person who's in a relationship would at least put in some sort of effort to show that they enjoy having their SO as a company. Like the others say, maybe you should distance yourself from him for a bit, as a test to see whether he notices the lack of attention from your part. IF after a while, he hasn't contacted you or show the faintest sign that he's at least worried about why you haven't texted or called him, you can confront him on the issue.
Author StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 Thank you everyone for your grand advice. I think I'll go with the popular vote and shove off him for a few days and see what happens. I hope he'll be inspired to call. I'm also glad that some of you think it's okay to confront him and ask him about how he feels for me and how he views the relationship, even this early on. I mean, I can't say that I wouldn't be very VERY sad if we broke up, cause he really is the perfect match for me as long as he's really into me and not just stringing me along. But best to find out now and deal then be worse off later for denying the signs, right? If it's okay, I'll post a follow-up in a day or two to let you know how it went. I didn't try to contact him after yesterday morning, so we'll see in another day or two. Thanks again, everyone.
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