6 minths on still dont know

[upset/confused]

Hi everyone,

 

I hope someone can help, i feel like i have bored all my friends now!

 

I originally posted back in october, you will probably not remember it but if you want to look back here is the link

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t130752/

 

well since then it turned out that when he got back he started a relationships with someone else, its been nearly 6 months now and im no further forward, its probably my fault... i will explain.

 

When i first found out about his new relationship things turned really nasty for a few weeks but we had to sort it out as we have 2 young children. I begged him to come back and i think it pushed him further away, anyway since november things have been so up and down. I say he has been woth her for 6 months but he works away so has really only spent about 3 and a half with her.

 

He took her to meet all his family for new year, although his mother says it was more a case of he was going anyway and she just came for convieniance but it didnt make me feel any better. he spends most of his week with her and has changed quite a bit since being with her, less going out drinking, doing more with her rather than his friends, which is all i ever asked of him, makes me feel like she makes him happier,

 

However we only stpped sleeping together a few weeks ago, ( i know silly of me he was having his cake and eating it, but i loved him so desperatly) I told him that i would not have sex with him again unless he is single, he wants us to carry on behind her back.

 

He tells me all the time i am beautiful and that he loves me, when i picked him up on this he said he was still in love with me and we just argued all the time so couldnt make it work.

 

we were still spending days together as a family, trips to park and zoo and had a really good time, he even text me to say thank you for making the day so good. He got me a valentines card with some chocolates aswell.

 

the turning point came 2 weeks ago when he came to visit one friday night, his girlfriend called as she had heard where he was, they had an argument and i said to him if he wants to go just to leave as i didnt want blamed for anything, he said, i want to stay do you think i care what she says, he told her he would be an hour but ended up staying for 4, and left at 1am we had a really lovely night but on saturday and sunday he ignored me.

 

He is going to afghanistan in 4 weeks and i am moving away, over 500 miles away. i told him after ignoring me i felt like he used me when he had nothing else to do and ignoring me felt like he did not value our friendship at all, so when he went i said i would not write and i no longer wanted to spend days with him as everytime i saw him i fell in love all over again and everytime he left it hurt even more. He was nt happy and said he really wantted to be friends, i asked him to choose me or her and he said he wanted both, a relationship with her but friendship/sex with me. i said no.

 

i dont really no why im writing this, im just a bit confused, he texts me lots of lovely texts and says he loves me quite often and they always end with a kiss but if i text him i get ignored.

 

I dont beleive he is that nasty that he delberatly sends those textx to mess with me feelings but i dont know what to beleive anymore. how do i know if its genuine, i guess its not when he is with someone else, but then he tells me he hardly sees her and he wouldnt care if she slept about while he was away cause she isnt important, his words and actions are so different.

 

I asked him on sunday if he would leave the army and move back home to where i am going he said he might do in a couple of years but he wants to pay his debts off, he has always said he wouldnt settle here.

 

what annoys me aswell as i hfound out he was going to pick her 2 kids up from school with her but out the 4 years our boys has been at school he has never once picked him up. he also moaned that i never asked him along to parents night or christmas plays but that was cos he worked away a lot, but yet he wants us too move away so he will now never experiance these things.

 

i knwo he comes over to see the boys but he spends most of the time with me trying to get me into bed.

 

I just wish he wasnt so confusing or am i missing somethng really obvious?

 

thanks for reading and any response is greatly appreciated

xxxxx

[tonyeltiger]

It sounds to me that he is using you. He is not respecting you on any level. He is not mature enough for one woman, let alone two. Sorry to say, but it seems that he only wants you when he wants sex or other things that stroke his ego. I realize you can't really cut him off from his kids, but just stress to him that you want nothing to do with him other than to give him some time with his kids. Although it seems to me that he is not a very good role-model. Sorry if this isn't much help, but even in reading your post, I think you already know whats happening, and that it is not healthy. Move on, and find a man that will be there for you and your kids unconditionally.

[upset/confused]

It sounds to me that he is using you. He is not respecting you on any level. He is not mature enough for one woman, let alone two. Sorry to say, but it seems that he only wants you when he wants sex or other things that stroke his ego. I realize you can't really cut him off from his kids, but just stress to him that you want nothing to do with him other than to give him some time with his kids. Although it seems to me that he is not a very good role-model. Sorry if this isn't much help, but even in reading your post, I think you already know whats happening, and that it is not healthy. Move on, and find a man that will be there for you and your kids unconditionally.

 

 

thank you, i guess i do know deep down whats going on, i think its just hard to accept. Some of the things he says aswell drive you insane he seems to be very good at mind games, although the part of me that still loves him likes to think that he couldnt do that to me.