planoprez Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 (edited) So I met this girl from a dating service, she seems to have it together, is attractive, educated, and driven. She is 26 and I am 28. I invited her out for a simple first date, meeting up at Starbucks. We were there for about 2 hours and I ended the date (i've always been told its best for a man to end the date rather than let the lady). On my way home, less than 10 minutes later I get a text message saying she had a great time, was looking forward to finding out more. Upon telling my friends this, they said it was a bit desperate for her to send a text message like that. Basically, they said it should have been apparent to one another that it was fun and there was intent to see each other again. I just shrugged off what my friends said on that. However, every day since that date...she has txt'd just out of the blue, how are you doing? Did you have a good weekend, etc. Normally chatter. We talked on the phone Saturday evening (5 days since the original date) and talked for about 2 hours. I asked her how often she likes to see somoene she is interested in...her response was "every day". Is it just me, or is that a bit too much? My friends just said walk away but they won't explain why. Is there something I'm missing here? Perhaps she just really is that curious, I don't mind the txt's but i am not overly quick to respond to them either. Maybe it's just been awhile for her...I don't see any reason to walk..but that's why I'm here asking... Edited February 25, 2008 by planoprez
EYECANDY000 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 So far I havent seen anything she has done wrong. The comment about her wanting to see someone who she just met comes off as a little desperate, but also it comes off as interested. Your friends are nuts, and you dont need to get advice from them. If someone calls you after the date and tell you that they had a great time, then thats a good thing. Would you rathered her text you a week from now and say " I had a great time"? If she would have done that , then for a whole week you would have been wondering if she enjoyed herself, and if she did why havent she called yet. Did you feel there was a connection between you two? Because you stated that your not so in a rush to contact her back. if you dont like her like that , then dont waste her time because oviously she thinks that you guys really hit it off.
Jilly Bean Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Do you consult your friends with every move you make in your life? I'd stop that if I were you. It's too high school for a 28-year old guy... And no - the WOMAN is the one who ends the date. lol Moreso, why are you playing games with her and looking for reasons to dimiss her? Sounds like you spend too much time taking the crappy advice of your boyz... If you like her, as I assume you do, stop playing these games and ask her out on a date already! If you don't, then someone else will...
Author planoprez Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 I'm not really a phone kind of guy, a few simple text messages here and there and maybe a quick call to make plans works fine for me. On our long talk (which is impressive for me) Saturday night, we made plans for next Sunday. I'm definately interested, one of my concerns though is that I'm not the kind of guy to be in constant contact with someone i am just dating. I'm just a bit surprised that no one thinks constant texting every day after a first date is a bit much. Maybe i've been single for far too long =) If I was in a relationship, that would change things a great deal. Not trying to play games with anyone, I am definately interested, I just hope my not needing to be in constant contact and her needing to be doesn't cause issues.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I'm not really a phone kind of guy, a few simple text messages here and there and maybe a quick call to make plans works fine for me. On our long talk (which is impressive for me) Saturday night, we made plans for next Sunday. I'm definately interested, one of my concerns though is that I'm not the kind of guy to be in constant contact with someone i am just dating. If I was in a relationship, that would change things a great deal. Not trying to play games with anyone, I am definately interested, I just hope my not needing to be in constant contact and her needing to be doesn't cause issues. Look, if you like her then persue it, don't worry if she contacts you too much or not. Don't get caught up in thinking she expects crap from you either, just be yourself... she will either understand and like you, or not.
Star Gazer Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I don't think she did anything wrong. Are you sure you didn't ask her how often she'd like to see someone she's DATING, not just "interested in"? Many people like to see their SO's almost daily (assuming you're in a relationship, that is). Either way, I'd communicate your contact needs (or really, lack thereof) so that she doesn't think you're not interested.
torranceshipman Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Your friends are schmucks! She sounds like she has great manners to get in touch soon after the date to say thanks and that she enjoyed it. In fact I do it as a matter of course because the guy always pays for dinner etc and I want them to know it is appreciated, even if I am not keen to see them again! Plus she sounds sweet, open, approachable..if you like her, stick the stupid dating rules and just enjoy it!
xpaperxcutx Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I don't think she did anything wrong. Are you sure you didn't ask her how often she'd like to see someone she's DATING, not just "interested in"? Many people like to see their SO's almost daily (assuming you're in a relationship, that is). Either way, I'd communicate your contact needs (or really, lack thereof) so that she doesn't think you're not interested. I agree with SG. The girl was just excited that she hit it off with you, and basically she's already made it clear that she wants to pursue more with you. But don't string her along if you feel that you can't even reply to a simple text. That just shows that you're not interested.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Why is it when people have something they have to complain and take it for granted? What I’d do to have a meet a girl like the one you have met, you’re fortunate, so don’t waste it. As someone else said, for a 28 year old man to be asking and listen to advice from his friends is surreal. Sure, we all need some guidance in life, but you should follow your own head and your own heart. You clearly don’t seem as interested in her as she is in you, therefore it might be best if you allowed her to find someone else who appreciates her in the way in which you do not.
Balthazar Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 It's pretty clear you are not into this girl. If you were, you would not be bothered that much by her sms-ing you often. We usually start analyzing such things when we are not into someone. As for your friends, I think you should use your own judgment and not follow their advice.
torranceshipman Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Praps she is trying to impress you too tho...I mean, you were the other half of a 2hr phone call on a Sat night so sounds like you like her - she might think that you are into long conversations and regular contact in the early days...so wants to give that to you to make a good impression...everyone acts their best in the early days, right! Praps shes just a bit crap at dating too, lol, sounds likethe ambitious intelligent type who might be more focused on a lot of cool career stuff to spend hours workin out the best dating strategies with her mates! In fact sounds like she might just be being herself...pretty unusual these days!
ahotmess Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 In my opinion, the girl did nothing wrong. Texting is a whole weird part of society...either you do it, or you don't. I for one, text like crazy. It's easier than talking (sometimes) and it is a huge part of my communication with family and friends. Some have jumped on the band wagon...other's haven't. So no, I don't think that's too strong. Also, she may be a person who likes to pursue one interest at a time. Sure dating around can be fun. But I don't feel like wasting my time (at 26)..I want to figure out if that guy is someone who I want to keep around for a while. And as far as asking friends for advice.....EVERYONE...including us here at LS will have a different opinion. You just have to be open minded and mature enough to listen to them, and decide for yourself how you feel. I ask my friends EVERYTHING. Sometimes you get good insight....other times it's biased. Just go with what you know and feel. If you like her, then go for it. Don't knit pick. If you don't like her.....get on with it:) GOOD LUCK!
Author planoprez Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Thanks for the input everyone...I'm a bit of a over analyzer myself so that's why I ask my friends for their input. They don't make my decisions for me by any means. I'm definately interested in this girl. She seems real, a good many of them I have dated are about a fake as you can get. It sounds like perhaps she is going by what feels right to her, and I'm glad she hit it off, I know I did. And you guys are right, I did talk to her for 2 hours...so perhaps she feels like I love the phone lol..and texting. Not a huge issue by any means =)
Green Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 you sound like you've either never really dated or maybe you just got out of a really long relationship. In either case I wouldn't over analyze things. Theres a chance you don't like this girl and your looking for a logical way out. You don't have to be logical if you don't feel chemistry there is no need for you to come up with some reason to break things off. On the other hand if you do like this girl or just want to see where things go, ignore the posible signs unless she becomes anoying.
StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Sounds like your friends just don't get it. She didn't do anything strange at all. SAYING she wants to see you every day and FOLLOWING THROUGH are two different things. People often want to see a new crush All. Of. The. Time. Literally. If she starts showing up at your place at all hours of the day and night every day, THEN you should start to worry. She was polite to send you a txt and tell you that she had a good time. Lets you know that she was (and still is) interested. Sounds like simple, first few date, things.
BlueEyedGirl Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Yet another proof girls that pursuing a guy is a turn off.
xpaperxcutx Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Yet another proof girls that pursuing a guy is a turn off. The male sex is a walkng contradiction : They want a girl to pursue them, but when it actually happens, they immediately find it a turn off.
Jilly Bean Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 The male sex is a walkng contradiction : They want a girl to pursue them, but when it actually happens, they immediately find it a turn off. Guys don't want to be pursued. They just want to know that if they call you, they won't be rejected.
Author planoprez Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 JillyBean hit the nail right on the head as far as I'm concerned. Being pursued like this is a new thing. It was a little overwhelming, but like someone mentioned earlier I should be thankful that she is that interested in me, and has a lot to offer. But yes, I like knowing when I call, or make plans I won't be rejected. And yes, I've been out of a long term relationship for over 3 years, so I'm a bit rusty.
Krytie TV Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Yet another proof girls that pursuing a guy is a turn off. Yet another proof girls that pursuing a guy is a turn off to those who don't know what they want.
Angels&Airwaves Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Yet another proof girls that pursuing a guy is a turn off. It’s nice to be pursued so long as it doesn’t become irritating and I guess in my case if a girl was to pursue me it would somewhat overwhelming considering its me who usually does all the pursuing. Perhaps it’s one of society’s gender roles that males take up the act of leading the way in courtship.
stillafool Posted February 27, 2008 Posted February 27, 2008 So I met this girl from a dating service, she seems to have it together, is attractive, educated, and driven. Given this is her personality, she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go after it. I don't understand you guys, women are damn if they do and damn if they don't. This woman is not playing games with you so your friends say let her go. I would think having an attractive, educated, driven woman chasing after you would be ideal for a man. I think you should be just as honest with her about your feelings as she has been with you. But, to be honest you really don't sound like you know what you want in and from a woman.
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