sadhubby Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 ok some of ya know what happend to me wife walked out turkey day . i filed for divorce been on the emotional roller coaster. my wifes internet man went back to his wife she has now ruined her credit cant afford her apartment so she is moving home to her mothers at the end of the month. i tried going n.c. but somehow she would always call me around every 5 days. ok so heres what happend i called her and told her the taxes were not what we had hoped for as a return. i told her i would still have to pay on her car and couldnt pay it off with return money. she didnt care that she wasnt going to get any money back then i tell her i have to move on in other words i dont want to really commuicate anymore. in a weak moment after some of her babble i said would you like to fly out here for a weekend and talk about things? she says no but then starts to open up about things like i never really gave our marriage a chance, i ran when you were asking me to go to counceling, so we talk on the phone for around 2 hours and start talking about all the bad i did and why she did what she did etc. and alot of it makes sense right!! so she then says yes i will come out there, i know live in colorado and she is in n.y. I sold the house and left. Ok we had good conversation worked out alot of stuff. shes coming on the sixth of march. i call her the next day and ask her are you sure you still want to come ? she says yes , but i dont want to make everyone think this means were getting back together and i dont want you to get your hopes up. she then tells me that she wants us to spend time together without any family influence so we can talk etc. wich i have pretty much got my side of family to accept this could be going back that way wich they dont have the hate feelings for what she did to me.on the other hand when i call her moms house i can tell the tension is there but i didnt leave her she left me!!! my sister in law answered yesterday and was real short with me and we use to be buddies . so has she painted me as the devil? and why is she wanting to come 1600 miles to stay in a hotel to talk about us but to not get back together ? and not to give any hope and then says that if she were to move out here it couldnt be untill my step duaghter finishes school in may. is she trying to figure out away to save face somehow is pride involoved here. i just dont know what to think at this point .
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 This might be a good way of both of you to talk and get closure so you can move on without hating eachother. Don't view it as getting back together, this is just putting some respect in ending it all on an OK note. What do you want though? Her back or to divorce?
Author sadhubby Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 well i think we would be ok to work forward from here i would get backtogether with her but if she just wants to come out here and make her self feel better at my cost, well thats just silly i dont need to get broken up with all over again. if we dont reconcile and try again i dont want anything to do with with her on a freind level. she is just coming off to me as very confused !! she even was honest with me big step for her that she still had feelings for that guy who didnt even have the nerve to tell her it was over between them he just stopped calling and and ignored her.but she tought that would be evrything our relationship was not and her eyes were opend now .
Nomad1 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I agree with wwu. This is an opportunity to improve the relationship as co-parents. I personally wouldn't encourage any talk about going back. There is a saying 'those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat it'. She betrayed you and that can be forgiven but not forgotten. This is an opportunity to start new beginnings with someone new. Your Ex sounds like a 'taker' and you sound like a giver. Such relationships are not equitable. The taker will keep on taking until there is nothing left and she will find someone else. I am not sure if she could ever respect you again. Think of her in terms of her role as the mother of your daughter nothing more and nothing less. Take care Nomad1
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I wouldnt even discuss anything with her if aint about the kids or lawyer studd. This woman left and abandoned you when you needed her, that's a coward's move how could you stand to be around her? My advice is she's not coming down there to reconsile with you. She's coming to give you a closure statement. Getting everything out the way. And you know what if that's gonna make you feel more miserable, tell her to stay her ass in nyc. You dont need the pain anymore. Your closure when she left was all you needed. It's time to get that divorce finalized and live your life for you without her. No friendship, no friendly conversation, no nothing. Tell her to stay where she is. It's over.
Author sadhubby Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 closure statement ? i dont have any children with her just my step duaghter its her lil girl i raised her since she was 1 tho. definatley miss her. theres no money involved at this point she has sighned everything . divorce will be final any day now so.. im living where me and her always talked about moving too. but i was kinda stubborn to actually move . and there are things i did to hurt her just i didnt cheat or leave her behind so i dunno what to think . ill ask her point blank tonight on the phone i mean really why would i even bother if its some kinda closure deal. why would she even do that ? why would she say get a counsoler for when im there? if she wasnt wanting to maybe work it out. we have talked about not being married but being together for ahwile before remarrying like maybe 3 4 year juant ..ughhh this stuff is crazy i am living by myself just fine now not hurting as much. so this little visit has me going madd one hand i wish we could both learn from our mistakes and be stronger for it. and the other hand is yes she will repeat herself no matter how good i am to her.
Nomad1 Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Sadhubby, please don't go there again. I'd hate to see you get hurt again man! Nomad1
PWSX3 Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Let me see, she told you she still has feelings for the other guy? Sounds like she just wants a vacation to Colorado & your the excuse to get out here. Or she wants to see if what you have going now is better then the option she just left (the other guy) Doesn't sound like she knows what she wants, but isn't welling to admit she did have part in the divorce & until she does that she will keep looking for answers.
Chrome Barracuda Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 closure statement ? i dont have any children with her just my step duaghter its her lil girl i raised her since she was 1 tho. definatley miss her. theres no money involved at this point she has sighned everything . divorce will be final any day now so.. im living where me and her always talked about moving too. but i was kinda stubborn to actually move . and there are things i did to hurt her just i didnt cheat or leave her behind so i dunno what to think . ill ask her point blank tonight on the phone i mean really why would i even bother if its some kinda closure deal. why would she even do that ? why would she say get a counsoler for when im there? if she wasnt wanting to maybe work it out. we have talked about not being married but being together for ahwile before remarrying like maybe 3 4 year juant ..ughhh this stuff is crazy i am living by myself just fine now not hurting as much. so this little visit has me going madd one hand i wish we could both learn from our mistakes and be stronger for it. and the other hand is yes she will repeat herself no matter how good i am to her. Like I said if you got nothing to really discuss then what's the point. Tell her to stay gone. This is what she wanted.
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