JerseyShortie Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Another thread here made me wonder...who typically says " I love you first"? Do you thik it's guys or girls? What as your own relationship experience been? Or do you wait until your SO says "I love you" , before you do?
sunshinegirl Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 In general, I'd prefer for the guy to say it first. I got burned once when I told my BF at the time that I was "crazy about him" (we'd been together about 4 months at that point). It wasn't even I love you but he couldn't return the sentiment and our relationship unraveled a few months later. I've been with my current BF for over a year. About three months ago I realized I love him (I'm not quick to fall in love and I don't bandy those words about carelessly.) I waited a couple of months to see if he would say it first, but being the non-emotive guy that he is, the words weren't forthcoming (though his actions screamed that he loves me). I wound up telling him I loved him first - I couldn't hold it back anymore, and I wanted him to know.
sarayanna Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 In general, I'd prefer for the guy to say it first. I got burned once when I told my BF at the time that I was "crazy about him" (we'd been together about 4 months at that point). It wasn't even I love you but he couldn't return the sentiment and our relationship unraveled a few months later. I've been with my current BF for over a year. About three months ago I realized I love him (I'm not quick to fall in love and I don't bandy those words about carelessly.) I waited a couple of months to see if he would say it first, but being the non-emotive guy that he is, the words weren't forthcoming (though his actions screamed that he loves me). I wound up telling him I loved him first - I couldn't hold it back anymore, and I wanted him to know. So...... did he say it back???
Catwomannn Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I said it to my current beau after dating him 3 months. He didn't say it back - I was a little sad to say the least...We are coming up on 6 months and he still hasn't said it, but I am not worried because his actions speak volumes and he would go to the moon and back for me! Plus I am in no hurry to marry him or have kids.. My ex husband said it to me after two weeks! I am suspicious of guys that say it too soon like that now.
crazieshnurple Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I've had what I consider three "major" relationships... in the first one, the guy told me he loved me first... after about four days. I was (way) young and stupid and I held on for two years... until finding out that he had another girlfriend (we lived about a half hour apart and went to different schools.) The second "major" relationship only lasted for about 2 1/2 months, and I hated the guy. I don't know why I stuck with him, but he said he loved me after about a month. I'm not sure why, but I never get those guys that are just "kind of" attracted to me. People either just flat out turn me down or fall head over heels in love with me. But anyways, with the third guy (who I am currently dating and very much in love with) I said it first. We had only been dating about two months, and it was during our first major fight (which happened to be the first time we had argued about anything). It was over something really stupid but it got blown out of proportion. Anyways, when I was trying to calm him down I just blurted out that I loved him and he said he loved me too. The next day, I realized that I had said it too soon and didn't really mean it. I loved him like I loved my friends, but wasn't totally in love with him. Neither of us said anything about it for about a week, and then I told him that...that I didn't think I was ready to say it yet. He told me that he loved me regardless, he had wanted to say it for a long time, but he would refrain until I was ready. I took my time, and now 6 months later I KNOW that I'm in love with him and make sure to tell him every single day. But yes, originally I did say it first.
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 My ex wife is the only woman I have been involved with that I have loved. I really do not think I will love another like I did her. I probably will not say again. Its just a phrase. Actions speak louder than words.
cre8 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Wow, I wouldn't say it until I genuinely felt it. With the current relationship I'm in it took about 6-8 months for me to feel it. I won't say it just to say it, or just to live up some dream. I'll only say it if it comes from the heart and when I know the feeling is on a mutual wavelength. As far as who says it first, I don't keep tabs. Someone has to take the risk and say it. I'd say the person who's more intuitive usually ends up saying it first, unless they say it out of a basis of insecurity.
StrawberryLime Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I WISH blokes would say it first, but I've heard tell that men get scared to do it and would prefer to say, "I love you, too." But if you feel it, you should say it and not be discouraged if the feeling's not returned quite so fast. Love takes time, right? If the boy or girl is honestly feeling the relationship, then they'll take the words, remember them, and keep them safe for another day, right?
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I don't say it unless I mean it and I never say it first.
directx Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 I don't say it unless I mean it and I never say it first. Amen to that. Plus, your actions should be telling enough that you don't have to say it.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Amen to that. Plus, your actions should be telling enough that you don't have to say it. True... the actions of love are much more enticing!
directx Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 True... the actions of love are much more enticing! But also, the actions of love are left up to interpretation, and can possibly be taken the wrong way or totally missed completely.
sunshinegirl Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 So...... did he say it back??? No! But it didn't worry me at the time because (1) he is not verbally effusive about emotional things and (2) his actions tell me every day that he loves me. But then a bunch of months passed and he still hadn't said it. He did finally say it on V-Day but I had to instigate it ("so I'm pretty sure you love me, but could you say it?") In fact, I started a thread on it because I wondered if I should worry that he was struggling so much with the words, but in the end I decided the words are much less important than his actions. It's a cause for concern if a guy can't say the words because he doesn't feel it; but it's entirely different if he does love a woman but just has a hard time with the words.
Catwomannn Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Question: Anyone out there say it to their boyfriend (and he didn't say it back) Did you continue to say it to him or wait until he eventually said it? I said it 3 months into my current relationship and my bf did not say it back and still hasn't ( it's been 6 months now )but I want to say it to him so badly sometimes because I can't help the way I feel but I figure the next move is his and I want to give him some space/time....
sunshinegirl Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Question: Anyone out there say it to their boyfriend (and he didn't say it back) Did you continue to say it to him or wait until he eventually said it? I said it 3 months into my current relationship and my bf did not say it back and still hasn't ( it's been 6 months now )but I want to say it to him so badly sometimes because I can't help the way I feel but I figure the next move is his and I want to give him some space/time.... How did he react when you said it the first time? What did he say and do? When I first said it to my BF, we had been dating for 9 or 10 months. He didn't say it back but he looked very moved, and kissed me pretty intensely. I said it a second time, with a similar reaction, before he said it back. But I think if my BF's reaction to my first "I love you" had been anything different (e.g. ignoring it, laughing at me, looking uncomfortable, changing the subject, etc), I would not have said it again and would have waited for him to verbalize his feelings. (For more context, we have started talking about moving in together / getting married / buying a house. None of which he would discuss if he was on a different page emotionally - in short, I have a lot of cues and clues that he loves me even though he struggles to say it.)
Catwomannn Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 The first time I said it to him he flat out just said "I care about you very much but I don't love you...we have only been going out 3 months and I just don't yet..." I have been so tempted to tell him again now that it is going on 7 months...but I am not sure....
Balthazar Posted March 15, 2008 Posted March 15, 2008 In all my relationships the woman said it first. And believe me, I usually hated to hear it! It usually meant that the relationship had taken a serious turn and some sort of commitment was required. I have always been vary careful with "I love you's" because it is a bit like placing your signature on a contract. And an ancient Greek proverb says man should be careful where he puts his signature and his penis.
cre8 Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 In all my relationships the woman said it first. And believe me, I usually hated to hear it! It usually meant that the relationship had taken a serious turn and some sort of commitment was required. I have always been vary careful with "I love you's" because it is a bit like placing your signature on a contract. And an ancient Greek proverb says man should be careful where he puts his signature and his penis. LOL!!!! I love it, hahahaha! Well, if it reaches a point where you hate to hear it, you just don't want anything serious with the girl, so it's good to be outright with her before you hook up by saying "I'm not looking for a serious relationship right now." That way, if it DOES reach that "I love you" point and you don't say it, you've already specified the terms of the contract long before anything else.
Lishy Posted March 25, 2008 Posted March 25, 2008 Another thread here made me wonder...who typically says " I love you first"? Do you thik it's guys or girls? What as your own relationship experience been? Or do you wait until your SO says "I love you" , before you do? I would never say I love you first! Maybe it is insecurity but I could not face seeing a guy look at me with fear in his eyes and replying "errr thanks" IMO it should be the man who says it first:confused:
Recommended Posts