Cool Chick Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Have you ever had the feeling that you are at war with yourself? I’ve been having this feeling for a while now and can’t seem to get myself settled out entirely. Since going no contact with my ex I have been through the ringer in regard to the emotional rollercoaster. Up, down, back and forth. At first I was hurting sooooo much, I thought my heart was literally breaking. Then there was the lonely, pining feeling, not knowing what to do with myself to occupy myself through the healing. Now I’m at the angry stage. How dare he treat me the way he did! I was truthful and loyal and he took me for granted. I sometimes wonder if he looks across the street and regrets the way he treated me. I guess that would be wishful thinking on my part. It also goes to show that I’m not over him enough to make contact again. This is where I’ve been warring with myself. Do I even want to make contact again….ever. This guy has literally begged me to stay friends before I broke off our screwed up relationship. One side of me argues that he obviously didn’t appreciate me and why should I give him the pleasure of my friendship (when I’m ready of course), and the other side of me want to be a good person and forgive and forget. In all honesty, going through no contact has been hard as heck, but I’ve also had happier moments over the past two weeks without him in my life than I have had in the last year with him. Soooo….do you ever fight with yourself o what to do? Do second chances with an ex for a friendship ever work out? Cool Chick
dfreeman Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Soooo….do you ever fight with yourself o what to do? Do second chances with an ex for a friendship ever work out? Yes - I certainly do fight with myself these days and it can be a tiresome battle! I have just been trying to live off of the advice from some of the people on here that have made it through long periods of NC, because I have been stuck contacting my ex for reasons related to her buyout of my house. But, I still consider myself holding true to NC because I refuse any attempt to make the contact personal or about anything that is not business-related. Most LS veterans seem to tell me that my emotional roller coaster will last a few months and that crappy feeling in my stomach comes and goes along the ride. One of my biggest battles goes along the lines with your question of whether or not I will want to make contact with her EVER. In my case, I want to maintain a good relationship with her daughter (I was like her stepfather from age 8 to 13), so I will have to make contact with the mother to make that happen. But, the more I hold to NC with her now, the more I see what an angry, controlling and unhappy person she is. I don't know about you, but I don't have any angry, controlling and unhappy friends? I think I will just have to wait and see how she acts after the next few months of NC to gauge whether or not she is worthy of my friendship. Like your ex, she never appreciated me when we were together and I can't seem to convince myself that she would in a friendship. I too have been having happier moments without her during NC (it hasn't all been crying and loneliness) and this leads me to wonder why I would want to return to what would probably be an unhappy controlling relationship (but without the sex)? Plus, she refused when I suggested we get help with our problems as a couple (I had my faults too, and plenty of em), so I am going to guess that the process of setting up boundaries between us as friends will probably sink the friendship before it leaves the dock After all this crap I have just dumped on you about my current ex, let me say that I have stayed friends with two prior exes, but they were extremely good people and both have (or had for one, god bless her soul) a heart of gold.
Star Gazer Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I fight with myself every single day - I go through the entire cycle: denial, acceptance, loneliness, anger, numbness, and repeat.
sandflea Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 My expression when I was in the midst of it was "God, please save me from myself". You end up doing really stOOpid stuff when your heart is broken. I turned to alchohol, shopping, married women - you name it. Anything to make the pain go away. The only thing that works is - time, excercise, and sunny weather. All are free... SF
Author Cool Chick Posted February 26, 2008 Author Posted February 26, 2008 Well, I haven’t turned to alcohol, married men, or any other terrible vice to numb the pain….unless of course you count chocolate My biggest problem is I try to over analyze way too much. I don’t think men are that complicated, but I think my brain wants to make it that way. I guess the biggest question in my mind is, why?? Why did it have to be this way? What did I do so wrong to be thrown away like a piece of garbage? I was always there for him! I try so hard to do what’s right and try to be a good person that I find I get taken advantage of too often. You know, do a favor for a friend but it’s not returned. Take someone at his or her word and find out he or she was lying, or they don’t live up to their word. Trust someone and find out your trust is betrayed. How do you rid yourself of the scars a bad relationship or experience has left on you so you learn to trust again? Cool Chick
pigeonsid Posted February 26, 2008 Posted February 26, 2008 Hi Cool Chick- I keep over-analyzing too. I know that the simple fact of my relationship is that he left. He wasn't committed to working out our problems - he left, there's nothing I can do about it. But my brain keeps replaying old fights, keeps replaying the things I did wrong and keeps thinking that there was some magic thing I could have done so that we wouldn't have had this ending. I also swing from huge guilt that it's all my fault that he left to furious anger that he walked out on me like that, without giving us a chance to work things out. I'm also afraid that it will be really difficult to trust again but I guess we have to just follow all the advice on this board - NC, take it day by day, take it easy on yourself and just wait it out. I can't imagine ever meeting someone that I will love as much as I love my ex, but from what everyone's said - that's silly! Surely the future isn't going to just be a repeat of the past? Hang in there Cool Chick, hope today is good for you.
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