infiniteQuest Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I have a bad temper. When I get angry, I just want to insult the hell out of my boyfriend. I rarely get physical, but words hurt more than actions, and I tend to yell quite a bit as well. He has expressed that it affects him a lot in a negative way. Most of the times, I make a huge effort to just leave the situation, sleep on it, and call him when I am calm and ready to talk rationally. On some occasions though, I get so angry that I just go on a yelling spree at him, calling him names and saying hurtful things. And then the next day I regret it an apologize. I am tired of apologizing to him for my behavior and would like to just fix it. How can I keep myself from losing control the next time? So far I have found out that "sleeping on it" proves to be effective, but the problem is to convince myself to just stop yelling and forget about the issue until tomorrow when it happens.
Tripper Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 IQ, the bad temper is really a symptom; not the problem. The problem?? Now that's what you have to find out. What is causing the frustration or unhappiness in your life?? If you can figure that out then you can lead a more balanced life with out getting angry. In the meantime you need some skills to cope with the feelings of rage. I always ask myself how important the issue is in the whole scheme of things. Will it make a difference in a day??, a month? a year?? In most cases the answer is no. Also realize that you can't unring a bell. Once the words are spoken they take on a life of their own. Soooo... think for a moment before you speak. Now the big question is why are you yelling at your bf? What is it he does to deserve such poor treatment from you??
Trialbyfire Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Have you considered some form of therapy or an anger management course?
Art_Critic Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Are you on any medications ?... some medicines can make a person short fused.. Pseudoephedrine is an over the counter med that can cause anger in some people. Also.. Sleep deprivation and caffeine can also play a huge role in the shortness of a person's fuse not to mention job stress. A person's temper is genetic.. but the shortness of the fuse can be altered by some of the things I mentioned.. It can also be somewhat controlled by learning when you are going to get angry then you can implement a walk away strategy or even a count to 10 rule before your react to something.. Counting to 10 ensures that you act instead of react.
Author infiniteQuest Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Are you on any medications ?... some medicines can make a person short fused.. Pseudoephedrine is an over the counter med that can cause anger in some people. Also.. Sleep deprivation and caffeine can also play a huge role in the shortness of a person's fuse not to mention job stress. A person's temper is genetic.. but the shortness of the fuse can be altered by some of the things I mentioned.. It can also be somewhat controlled by learning when you are going to get angry then you can implement a walk away strategy or even a count to 10 rule before your react to something.. Counting to 10 ensures that you act instead of react. I am not on any medications at all and I only drink max 2 cups of coffee a day. Sleep deprivation does make me prone to getting angry, but the way I handle anger (in extreme cases that I talk about here) is the same whether I'm sleep deprived or not. My problem is that the count to 10 thing doesn't work. I could count to 20 minutes and still be angry and ready to yell at him. What really works for me is going to bed and sleeping on it, I know that much. But if I get angry at 2pm I don't aways have the luxury of going home from work to take a nap.
Author infiniteQuest Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 I always ask myself how important the issue is in the whole scheme of things. Will it make a difference in a day??, a month? a year?? In most cases the answer is no. Also realize that you can't unring a bell. Once the words are spoken they take on a life of their own. Soooo... think for a moment before you speak. Now the big question is why are you yelling at your bf? What is it he does to deserve such poor treatment from you?? When I am angry my judgment gets skewed, and I am not able to accurately determine how big the issue is in the whole scheme of things. It always seems much bigger than it really is in most cases. I have to wait a whole day to regain my rational thinking most of the time. The times when I yell at my boyfriend and have to apologize after, I realize that it's more of a FEAR that he would treat me a certain way based on my own assumption and misunderstandings of what he said or did. Also, sometimes I am right for being angry at some of the things he does. But still, I don't think that he deserves to have such anger unleashed at him or such hurtful words said to him. I just want to be able to stop myself from intentionally hurting him when I am angry.
Tripper Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 As human beings we are emotional; you can't help what you feel. And if you feel anger, maybe it's justified.. maybe it's not. HOWEVER we do have the ability to control how we act, what we say. Maturity and experience gives us this. You have taken the first step by understanding that you are "over" reacting.. now you need to work on how you act when faced with a situation that creates a harsh emotional response and that takes practice. I still think that a "quick" temper is based in some issue that is unresolved creating frustration and turmoil inside you. Have you considered some psychotherapy to work on yourself?? A good therapist can really help. I know... I've been there...
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 There's a difference between bad moods and being moody - and being cruel, mean. It seems you use your bad mood as an excuse to let loose and insult, hurt, belittle your bf. THAT is not right and even if you are sorry the next day, the pattern never stops. You need to seek therapy and learn how to change your behaviour. Understand WHY you're angry and why you feel the need to hurt someone because you're in a bad mood. Anger management and talk therapy will help you re-train your brain and your behaviour.
Oggie_23 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I am pretty sure they have a pill for that. At least my husband use to take one. The doctor called it severe anxiety. It is something in your brain that makes you fly off the handle. May you should ask your doctor if you might need a pill to stop yelling. That is what he does when he is not on them. Sounds similar to me.
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