babycakes Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 hi, just some advice needed. ive been dating a guy for around 8 months. Relationship has progressed slowly which is fantastic. We love to do the same things and spend lots of time together. i have told him a few weeks ago that i am in love with him.. he has not said that he is in love with me though it does bother me alot. how can someone show their love but just cannot say it? he just says that no 2 people feel the same feelings at the same point and that he cares very much for me. i dont understand this view?
Star Gazer Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I can see why this bothers you so much. At 2, 3, 4 months, it seems common for one person to think they're in love with the other and not have it reciprocated. That early in the relationship, it seems normal to move at slightly different paces. But after 8 months, I'd hope that if I were in your shoes, and we had moved at different paces earlier in the relationship, that by this point he'd be able to reciprocate. I guess I'm in the camp that says if he's not in love with you by now, he never will be.
Author babycakes Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 thats what i keep thinking to myself if he cant say he loves me now then after all this time then he cant be truly in love with me. i tell him i love him but i feel awkward and it hurts me so much.
Catwomannn Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 I am in the Same boat! I told my boyfriend after 3 months that I loved him and he told me flat out that he did not love me romantically and could not reciprocate because he had only known me 3 months at the time. He did tell me however that he cared about me very much. We are now at the 6 month mark - He has become more endearing towards me and I can tell he is committed to our relationship and making it work but still no three magic words! Here is the thing with my guy - He walks the walk but doesn't talk the talk...He is always there for me, cares for me when I am sick- If I need something he would walk across burning coals to get it for me... For some guys I think the L word is a biggie - I think that some men equate it with life long commitment and marriage.... I think as long as he is walkin the walk then I wouldn't worry about it. I have known some guys that have taken up to a year or more before they said it.
Author babycakes Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 thank you for your reply. he does so very much care for me. thinks the world of me we see each other all the time and he has grown to be so affectionate. he just seems very slow moving through relationship stages but where we are now feels good right and i feel love from him. im glad that you have the same issue. my previous relationship 5 years was instant love and lust but looking back that was not true love. true love perhaps grows. its just my insecurities that perhaps wants to hear those 3 little words which is what they are. Actions speak louder. i keep telling myself the above! i feel loved and surely thats the important thing. one of my friends said her violent ex husband told her he loved her all the time but carried on beating her. so yes they are just words surely.
JerseyShortie Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Guys usually take longer to process things like emotions. I think in general, women are much more comfortable with emotions and know what they are feeling faster. They have that old saying "women fall faster but men fall harder". I acutally think it is a plus that he doesn't say he loves you before he is ready. Atleast you know that "I love you" really matters to him and that he won't throw it around if he doesnt' really mean it. Hang in there! 8 months is not that long and it sounds like he does loving things for you.
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