Author iampattycake Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 Patty, I've read over this forum plenty, and rarely see any good support or genuine understanding for those in an A. For some reason, perhaps because it's easy to sit back and point fingers when you're not in the situation at the moment, it's rare to get any kind of encouragement about doing something like this for yourself. I've been on both sides of the fence, having been cheated on, and now being the OW. Many posters are in an A that they know will never go anywhere, or are in denial about the MM or MW leaving their spouses. A lot of it is just ego talk, where they are fighting some unseen battle against the spouse so they can feel better about themselves. People are quick to jump on any kind of excuses or reasoning because either they themselves were so hurt by an A, or had to rationalize to themselves why their own A didn't work out and will come down hard on anyone else going through it. You'll rarely see those who ended up with their partners being so judgemental. That being said, I have a lot of compassion for your situation. There are some things we all have to own up to (not giving to ourselves the way we should until we find it in other ways), and that is the hard part. But I'm guessing, over all, this is a wonderful experience for you. Knowing you are cared for, and getting to care for someone else is special. Don't minimize that - just keep it in perspective. No one here can tell you what you should re your marriage and child. You alone know the entire circumstance, but I do think a counselor or therapist would help you greatly. Perhaps this A is a way of you telling yourself you deserve more? That there is more to life? That you don't have to live in fear anymore and life can be so totally different from what you've known? I know divorce is scary, but life can truly begin again at anytime...and it can be wonderful. Whatever happens, take this time to find the freedom your soul is looking for. Whether it works out or not with this MM, you can take this opportunity to learn and grow, and maybe make some changes for a more fulfilling life. Exactl Heather....thank you so much for your kind words. It is not easy for me to be posting here and doing this and being this sterotypical OW. But I did need compassion and advice and if that meant some poeple bashed me, well perhaps I deserve it. However, he who is without sin can cast the first stone. I do know what I need to do.
HeatherK08 Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 Take it one day at a time though okay? We make ourselves so anxious... If you do end up with some kind of a plan for what you want to do, find someone you can confide in and run things by them every once in a while. Sometimes we need a mirror to make sure we are seeing ourselves clearly, or we need to untangle some thoughts or emotions to make sense of them. I'll stick around this forum for the few helpful posters out there, but I'm going to be looking for others that aren't quite so near sighted. Good luck to you! Keep us updated, if you can/want to.
Author iampattycake Posted February 25, 2008 Author Posted February 25, 2008 untangle...that is it.... I think with things in remission the way they are right now...perhaps i need to take it one day at a time...tlk the the MM first...than to husband and look foward to happiness in the time before this comes back to kill me...
twice_shy Posted February 25, 2008 Posted February 25, 2008 No he never quite stood by me...he has been waiting for me to die. I begged him to not divorce me so our child could have some memories of a family before I did. 10 years later I am still alive. and you are right I lost all respect for him when he did that to me years ago. I have had many opportunities to have an affair during the last 10 years..we all have chances to stray. I never did. It is only recently that I have fallen to this. Perhaps it has given me the strength to realize the things I knew and wanted for myself. I deserve more out of the life I have left. I just never wanted to do that to my daughter. I have swallowed so much over the years to keep her happy and safe. I think I know what i need to do. Well you are in remission now correct? I hope you are donig good in that regard. And if you are in remission, then yes, divorce would be my advice. Believe me, I know how hard it is to think divorce when kids are involved. But in the end, it was the wisest decision I ever made. And my kids are just fine, with the exception they are not living with me, but that is another topic. But really, you should get out of the marriage instead of having an affair. However, I'd say find yourself a different man if you divorce. Either that or rate the MM out to his wife so she can kick him out of the house and start looking for a better man.
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