bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 What makes you think I'm marrying the other guy??? I never stated that nor did I intimate it in any other way. Just curious were you came up with this. My interest in him is PURELY physical and sexual. The only emotion I have towards him is anger for putting us BOTH in jeapordy due to his stupidity. I figured at his old age with numerous kids and two shotgun weddings in a row, he'd understand the importance of using a condom. I would NEVER NEVER EVER marry this guy even if he and I were single. The sad thing is you are blaming him for putting you in jeapordy. Something he couldn't have done if you hadn't been with him in the first place. So it seems that you bear at least partial responsibility for the postion that you are in. Are you angry with yourself also. I mean he didn't kidnap you and make you have sex did he? You were with him of your own free will, right? So you do bear 50% of what happened. You trusted a liar, as you both were doing what you wanted. With doing what we want, we must take responsibility for our actions.
twice_shy Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 The sad thing is you are blaming him for putting you in jeapordy. Something he couldn't have done if you hadn't been with him in the first place.. Excellent point!!!! She needs to be mad at herself for putting HERSELF in that position. She talks about this guy as if he is gross, old, run hard and put away wet, yet she beds down with him? Uh...what does that tell you?
Author mclovin Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 Any reason you referred to him as your "soon-to-be H" if you "never stated that nor did [you] intimate it an any other way"?? That was a typo-error. I meant my "soon-to-be-x-h". I was half asleep when I wrote that statement. Thanks for pointing that out. Disregard what I asked you in the first place. My bad!
Author mclovin Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 CB keeps attempting to bring me down about my cheating because he was wounded emotionally by women in his past. If CB had half a brain or a sex life, he wouldn't be on here with his attention-seeking behavior. CB should do two things: 1. If he doesn't like what he reads, don't reply. 2. Read the ACTUAL QUESTION FIRST before giving an answer. This is a very basic comprehension skill most second graders learn. My intial question was simply if it sounds like the OM snuk off the rubber or if these things happen like this? That's all. I don't want to hear what a heartless tramp I am because I cheated and the other bs that goes along with it. Okay, I cheated and it was wrong. I admit this. Right now, I'm in the midst of divorce and LEGALLY SEPARTATED. As far as telling my soon-to-be "EX-H", that's a dumb-dumb idea. Hey, guys, women have secrets too. Hate to break it to 'ya, but women DO cheat. We're just more secretive about our affairs. Maybe we come on LS for questions we can't ask friends/family for obvious reasons. I had to fix this. Obviously, I was referring to telling my H who is my soon-to-be-EX H.
Author mclovin Posted February 28, 2008 Author Posted February 28, 2008 (edited) The sad thing is you are blaming him for putting you in jeapordy. Something he couldn't have done if you hadn't been with him in the first place. So it seems that you bear at least partial responsibility for the postion that you are in. Are you angry with yourself also. I mean he didn't kidnap you and make you have sex did he? You were with him of your own free will, right? So you do bear 50% of what happened. You trusted a liar, as you both were doing what you wanted. With doing what we want, we must take responsibility for our actions. I am not saying he held a gun to my head and forced me to have sex with him. It takes two to tango. I know the drill here. However, this it highly unlikely to get pregnant or whatnot when a person uses a condom. The reason for my anger towards OM is he SNUCK it off knowing the the consequences of his actions. I get the feeling I'm facing yet another DOUBLE-STANDARD here. If the situation were reveresed I'd be told I was some psycho mistress hoping to trap the OM. But since he's the GUY, then it's okay. He did it for pleasure and I'm blaming him for making a simple contraceptive magically disappear. DOES ANYONE REALIZE MAYBE I WAS USING THIS MAN FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE AND DEPENDED ON CONDOMS FOR TAKING LESS RISKS FOR MY ACTIONS? PERHAPS I MADE THIS CLEAR TO HIM NUMEROUS TIMES AND I'M JUST SHOCKED HE WOULD PULL THAT CRAP. YEAH, I KNOW IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME AND ME ONLY. I'M AWARE OF THE NUMEROUS THINGS SUCH AS IT WAS WRONG, I'M A PIG, BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS TO ANNONYMOUS PEOPLE WHO COME ON HERE AND ARE LOOKING FOR SOME FORM OF COUNSELING TOWARDS A SPECIFIC QUESTION OR SITUATION? ENOUGH SAID. END OF DISCUSSION. Edited February 28, 2008 by mclovin
bentnotbroken Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I am not saying he held a gun to my head and forced me to have sex with him. It takes two to tango. I know the drill here. However, this it highly unlikely to get pregnant or whatnot when a person uses a condom. The reason for my anger towards OM is he SNUCK it off knowing the the consequences of his actions. I get the feeling I'm facing yet another DOUBLE-STANDARD here. If the situation were reveresed I'd be told I was some psycho mistress hoping to trap the OM. But since he's the GUY, then it's okay. He did it for pleasure and I'm blaming him for making a simple contraceptive magically disappear. DOES ANYONE REALIZE MAYBE I WAS USING THIS MAN FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE AND DEPENDED ON CONDOMS FOR TAKING LESS RISKS FOR MY ACTIONS? PERHAPS I MADE THIS CLEAR TO HIM NUMEROUS TIMES AND I'M JUST SHOCKED HE WOULD PULL THAT CRAP. YEAH, I KNOW IT WAS COMPLETE AND UTTER DISRESPECT TOWARDS ME AND ME ONLY. I'M AWARE OF THE NUMEROUS THINGS SUCH AS IT WAS WRONG, I'M A PIG, BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS TO ANNONYMOUS PEOPLE WHO COME ON HERE AND ARE LOOKING FOR SOME FORM OF COUNSELING TOWARDS A SPECIFIC QUESTION OR SITUATION? ENOUGH SAID. END OF DISCUSSION. And ther consequences of your actions is what got you in this agitated state. Yes, he is a donkey, yes he is a liar, yes he is a cheater, yes he is disrespectful, not to just you but to his wife and your husband and yes to any other negative you can come up with, but he doesn't appear on here pretty pissed off at you. You are on here pissed at him. You can't get pregnant or exposed to anything if you aren't there.
SeraBella Posted February 28, 2008 Posted February 28, 2008 I get the feeling I'm facing yet another DOUBLE-STANDARD here. If the situation were reveresed I'd be told I was some psycho mistress hoping to trap the OM. But since he's the GUY, then it's okay. He did it for pleasure and I'm blaming him for making a simple contraceptive magically disappear. I don't believe I read anyone saying it was ok. I saw no implications of a double standard whatsoever.
Gwyneth Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Any reason you referred to him as your "soon-to-be H" if you "never stated that nor did [you] intimate it an any other way"?? That was a typo-error. I meant my "soon-to-be-x-h". I was half asleep when I wrote that statement. Thanks for pointing that out. Disregard what I asked you in the first place. My bad! I figured you meant soon to be ex H when I read it the first time. The thing with this situation and which puts you and I in the same shoes is that I too went into the affair purely for fun--not to fall in love or pray he'd leave his wife for me. He and I finally engaged in sex a few times and one of those times I noticed when we were finished that there was no condom present. It didn't just "slip" off either; I would know if it was in my body (for sure by now, geez). The truth of the matter is that he set me up--the same as your lover, and now I am pregnant. Do YOU want to get pregnant too? Hun, don't sleep with this man again!!! He now has to pay for the consequences. And do realize you could have gotten pregnant or worse--contracted an STD! I too am angry with the MM for the same reasons you are angry with you MM. And yes, I agree with Owl--it was deliberate just like the MM I selfishly had sex with also Deliberately "forgot" to put his condom on, and impregnated me.
Author mclovin Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Did you confront the MM of the fact that he set you up? What decision was made with the pregnancy? If you are keeping the baby, did you ask to see how he is going to handle having a child from you while he is still a MM? When it comes to children, no one can hide that. Has he thought about life 5-10-even 15 yrs down the line? What would he say to his wife to go to his son/daughter's High School graduation? "Honey, I'm running to a golf outing with the guys, be back later". Is he staying with you-because if not, you may need to rely on child support to help care financially for the baby. Sorry to bombard you with so many questions. Thank you for your support! I appreciate you answering my questions.
Gwyneth Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Did you confront the MM of the fact that he set you up? What decision was made with the pregnancy? If you are keeping the baby, did you ask to see how he is going to handle having a child from you while he is still a MM? When it comes to children, no one can hide that. Has he thought about life 5-10-even 15 yrs down the line? What would he say to his wife to go to his son/daughter's High School graduation? "Honey, I'm running to a golf outing with the guys, be back later". Is he staying with you-because if not, you may need to rely on child support to help care financially for the baby. Sorry to bombard you with so many questions. Thank you for your support! I appreciate you answering my questions. I was P'd off when I saw his penis sans a condom. After the last time we had sex, I was still P'd off at him and ignored him the next time I had seen him. He tried to talk to me, but I pushed him to the side and just minded my own business. Long story short--I still haven't heard from him and it's about a month now. Turns out he wasn't ignoring all my attempts to contact him--he was in the hospital for injuries. I have been up in the air about telling him but more and more the people on here have helped me to see that I need to tell him and I need to Demand child support from him. I don't care how or when or If he tells his wife--as long as I get some kind of support from him. I don't need it financially, but he needs to pay for his consequences. Plus, I don't think it's fair of me to keep him away from the baby(ies) as he does have a right. If he chooses to give up his rights as a parent, then that's fine too. I believe in men having the choice to or not to have responsibilities, but if there's no money, then I am not allowing him to see the baby(ies). My life is officially a Soap Opera
Author mclovin Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 OMG. He's in the hospital. Is he well enough for you to tell him? I think you should tell him ASAP. If you do plan on getting child support, the faster you act, the better. Child support is a whole legal issue I believe. And it's highly likely his wife will find out when she notices about 40-60% of his paycheck is gone or when he can't pay for things like he used to. I see you wrote a thread on his recent accident, which I never really got a chance to read (sorry:confused:). But just make sure somehow he's where his friend says he is and not hiding out.
Gwyneth Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 OMG. He's in the hospital. Is he well enough for you to tell him? I think you should tell him ASAP. If you do plan on getting child support, the faster you act, the better. Child support is a whole legal issue I believe. And it's highly likely his wife will find out when she notices about 40-60% of his paycheck is gone or when he can't pay for things like he used to. I see you wrote a thread on his recent accident, which I never really got a chance to read (sorry:confused:). But just make sure somehow he's where his friend says he is and not hiding out. Oh, I called the medical center and spoke to his nurse. He friend is also a friend of my sister and I from the past. He's trustful He's not allowed visitors as of the last time I called (well that was once last week) but I'm not going to visit him there. I'll wait until he's back at work and I can see him face to face. Hopefully I will not be bulging out because gosh, that will be awful
Author mclovin Posted February 29, 2008 Author Posted February 29, 2008 Sounds legit. How do you think he'll react to this?
White Flower Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THIS TO ANNONYMOUS PEOPLE WHO COME ON HERE AND ARE LOOKING FOR SOME FORM OF COUNSELING TOWARDS A SPECIFIC QUESTION OR SITUATION? ENOUGH SAID. END OF DISCUSSION. Hi Mclovin, They seem to believe they are going to turn you from your 'evil ways', lol. I totally understand. Let me repeat what I think I know about the sitch and its main points: You are divorcing H, so nobody needs to bash you for cheating. You meet the other guy for sex only and have no intention of marrying him or taking him away from anyone. He sneaks off his condom during sex which is extremely selfish and unacceptable and won't admit to doing it on purpose. He is well endowed and the condom is tight even when limp so you KNOW he took it off on purpose. The result? You have a sex sport partner who you cannot trust. DTMFA and find someone new for sport. ps Don't listen to haters--they live to bring you down.
twice_shy Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 DOES ANYONE REALIZE MAYBE I WAS USING THIS MAN FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE AND DEPENDED ON CONDOMS FOR TAKING LESS RISKS FOR MY ACTIONS? Oh no, I realize that. But you painted this guy as some sort of old, disgusting slime with nothing going for him. So my question to you is, is this the kind of guy you like to get in bed??
twice_shy Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 You meet the other guy for sex only and have no intention of marrying him or taking him away from anyone. Ah, so having sex with someone elses husband with no intention of taking him away from his family is A-ok?
malaclypse Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Oh no, I realize that. But you painted this guy as some sort of old, disgusting slime with nothing going for him. So my question to you is, is this the kind of guy you like to get in bed?? Obviously yes, or why would she be posting here...
OWoman Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Ah, so having sex with someone elses husband with no intention of taking him away from his family is A-ok? I reckon. It's not like she forced him against his will or anything. He was a willing and eager participant.
Jess-Belle Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 I reckon. It's not like she forced him against his will or anything. He was a willing and eager participant. I'm not sure I get this logic. How is it OK to be an accomplice to something that will undoubtedly cause severe damage to a relationship/marriage?
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 The only people who think it is ok are those that stand to benefit from it, and you won't ever convince them that what they are doing is wrong or that they are being an accomplice to wrongdoing. Even if they do admit that what they are doing is wrong, and that they are an accomplice to wrongdoing - you will get more than a plenty of justifications for it. There is always a handy excuse when someone finds their happiness at the expense of others. For example: I"m not the one cheating. I'm not the one who made vows. You can't help who you fall in love with. MM/MW was abused/unhappy/etc. and so on. Pretty much anything you can think of that will make it 'ok'.
mental_traveller Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 Of course he is sneaking them off. You are an idiot for relying on someone else for birth control and STD protection. NEVER trust someone else - especially not an adulterer - with your life and health unless it is absolutely unavoidable. You should get an STD check and tell your husband to as well. You have put yourself and hubby at serious risk to your health and maybe life.
mental_traveller Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 The only people who think it is ok are those that stand to benefit from it, and you won't ever convince them that what they are doing is wrong or that they are being an accomplice to wrongdoing. Even if they do admit that what they are doing is wrong, and that they are an accomplice to wrongdoing - you will get more than a plenty of justifications for it. There is always a handy excuse when someone finds their happiness at the expense of others. For example: I"m not the one cheating. I'm not the one who made vows. You can't help who you fall in love with. MM/MW was abused/unhappy/etc. and so on. Pretty much anything you can think of that will make it 'ok'. How would someone justify: "I am putting my partner at risk of death from HIV/AIDS because..."
Jess-Belle Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 (edited) The only people who think it is ok are those that stand to benefit from it, and you won't ever convince them that what they are doing is wrong or that they are being an accomplice to wrongdoing. Even if they do admit that what they are doing is wrong, and that they are an accomplice to wrongdoing - you will get more than a plenty of justifications for it. There is always a handy excuse when someone finds their happiness at the expense of others. Oh, no need to explain to me LB... I was once that way myself. One of my personal favorites used to be about the OW not owing any loyalty to the man's partner. Ah, what sad, numb days those were. Despite remembering them so well, the reasoning is so patently absurd once you finally wake up. Edited February 29, 2008 by Jess-Belle clarification
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 How would someone justify: "I am putting my partner at risk of death from HIV/AIDS because..." They delude themselves into thinking that because they are in love, that their partner is somehow automatically clean. I've seen more than a BW posting about contracting STD's whose WS's thought and said that more or less. IMO there is no justification for it. None.
Jess-Belle Posted February 29, 2008 Posted February 29, 2008 DOES ANYONE REALIZE MAYBE I WAS USING THIS MAN FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE AND DEPENDED ON CONDOMS FOR TAKING LESS RISKS FOR MY ACTIONS? Mclovin, it would probably be best for you to depend on yourself for protection during sexual activities, although I am sure you realize this now.
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