about their bodies

[sedgwick]

Okay, it would seem that many of us around here feel less physically attractive now that we've been dumped. In another thread women were talking about being hot for guys who had "perfect" bodies or c*cks, and I responded that I was hot for this skeletal guy who wasn't particularly well-endowed. But I totally think he's gorgeous -- like, the hottest thing on the planet.

 

And then of course there's the desire so many women have to be SKINNY, like, the girl version of my ex, because that's what they think men want. (Not that I'm saying anorexia is solely about trying to please men, because of course it's not that simple.)

 

All my ex's girlfriends prior to me were skinny. He was pretty into the fact that I had T&A but I always felt like I needed to be thinner. And when he dumped me I wondered if it was because somewhere, deep down, secretly, he thought I was too fat.

 

The point is that it's ridiculous that we're thinking this. So tell me something you like about your own body, and something that was less than "perfect" or "beautiful" about your ex's. Or something. Just whatever you want to say about bodies, say it here, so I don't hijack that other thread.

[spookie]

When my ex dumped me I was about 5 pounds over the weight I usually am, at which I feel good about myself, and for about a month I was fixated on this fact. I kept thinking, if only I hadn't gotten fat, we'd still be together.

 

I'm happy with my body now. I'm happy with who I am. I just wish he were here to take note.

 

I have nothing negative to say about his physique. TBH most girls don't even find him attractive: he dresses terribly, never brushes his hair or his teeth, never washes his face, is slender but not muscular, and very pale; but I love everything about him. I wonder, do I love him because of that? Or do I love everything about him because I love him? The old question of the chicken and egg. I don't know.

Edited February 25, 2008 by spookie

[so_sad]

I'm happy with my body (generally I always have been) but since the breakup, I've been very conscious about getting older. I'm sad to say I sometimes scrutinize every line and gray hair in the mirror - and there seem to be more cropping up in the past 5 months. Something about being 35 and recently dumped, I guess.

 

When I met my ex, he went on and on about how hot I was and how he didn't think that he was hot. In the 5 years we were together, he gradually started dressing really well, became much more interested in clothes, took better care of his skin, and got good haircuts. In short, he literally became hotter during the time we were together. I had always thought he was the hottest thing to walk the earth, but he really did get better looking. I can honestly say that I found him more and more attractive the longer we were together.

 

So there you go - I feel like our relationship made me old and haggard, and my ex is smoking. Awesome.

[so_sad]

Sorry, Sedgwick, I just realized I wasn't really playing your game at all! Okay, here goes.

 

I like my: eyes, my neck, my breasts, my tummy, my feet.

 

My ex had a mole that I really hated. Sorry, that's all I can come up with.

[jc]

This is hilarious actually, because when I think about the guy that I'm upset over, he is balding, has a tummy and a bit of a chubby bottom, his teeth weren't great and he kind of had spotty skin. And yet I was so attracted to him. Thought he was extremely attractive.!

 

As for me: I like my skin, my eyes, my legs, my bum. Really, I'm probably cuter than him:)

[Zolie]

Very timely thread. I have been forcing myself to think of one thing I really like about myself since my last relationship ended causing me to not feel so hot.

 

It's true - when we are with someone who thinks we are hot, we feel hot, therefore we are hot. I had men looking at me appreciatively when I was IN my last relationship, but have none looking at me at all now that I am single! WTH?! The minute we are dumped our confidence in our hot quotient goes out the window, and it shows. And those of us who happen to be, um, over 40 have the added misfortune to feel 10 years older when the relationship is over, even though we felt 10 years younger during the relationship. It's a curse.

 

So, to play the game: I have great eyes, nice hands, nice skin, and a cute figure, when I am the right size, which I am working towards. When I put weight on, I don't put it on in my rear end, so I never look bottom heavy. I have perfect toes - according to a podiatrist I saw years ago, lol. I have bad hair, thin and straight, but I make the best of it with really good (and damned expensive) haircuts. I always feel I look my best when I have a fresh haircut, my nails are done, and I am wearing a great outfit. Those 3 things make me feel on top of the world, even if I think I'm not "hot" anymore.

[Zolie]

Ooops, forgot to add the not so hot parts about my last relationship. Well, let's see, he was short (but so am I). He was seriously balding - very little hair on his head, but plenty on his chest and back! He has beautiful blue eyes, but eyes still lie even when they are beautiful blue eyes.

 

And the weirdest thing about him that wasn't really a turn off to me, but I noticed, is that he had a square butt. Really odd.

 

Last but not least, he was bowlegged. None of these things were deal breakers, but since we're listing their shortcomings...

[Jmina]

I'm much more confident about my body now that i'm not with the ex. I was confident then too, but i have just come to an even better place. There is so much that is more important to life than what we look like. As long as my weight reflects a healthy person on the inside mentally and emotionally that is all i am concerned about.

My ex binge eats and i know she is bigger than what she was when we were togther, and i know she binge eats when shes going through a tough time... it just shows me that i have grown and moved forward in a much different way to what she has and maybe even in a more positive way.

 

I am happy with my body, its mine, there is no point wishing it away, i feel i am too old to have bad body image as i dealt with that when i was 15 because i hadnt learnt what is more important, or what the health risks are of not having a healthy diet.

 

I am well aware that people have bad self image right into their adult hood, but that is their path. I feel ive been there and done that and i want to my path in a much more positive way. i dont give a rats what men want, or trying to bother with what 'i think' others find attractive. \\

 

what helped me a lot was looking at myself in proportion not just as my butt alone or my legs alone, i lookd at myself like anyone else would, also all my personal growth on the inside has helped a huge amount too.

 

 

Jmina

xoxxoxooxox

[D-Lish]

Legs and Hair.

That's what I have left.

 

LOL. Sedgewick.... why are you worried?

 

My ex mother in law was a freakin demon. She has/had an obsession with bodies- and she was critical with her daughters, as much as she was with her sons girlfriend's. I was always just average weight with T&A- 5'7"... got up to 160lbs....and my ex mother in law used to tell me I was fat.... constantly.

 

So, suffice to say- over the course of the seperation, because I was stressed- I lost more than 50 lbs. I went down below 100lbs at one point because of it.... Now I settled out- but I will never forget the agony that woman put me through.... I can't forget it.

 

You are much more than just a body.... and f*ck him if he ever made you feel otherwise. I think you know that though.

 

F*ck... as chicks, are we ever going to love ourselves for who we are?

I hope so.

We deserve to.

[trulysomething]

Well, as for me..I suppose I always feel like my weight has 'some' impact on my relationships.

 

I am 'fluffy' as my friend puts it. Although my weight has generally been MY issue in the relationship, ie. notfeeling confident enough in situations, positions,etc. I think the men I have been with have generally been okay with my body..I mean, they continued to date me, hold my hand in public, etc.*L* I dress well and think I am considered both proportionate and fairly attractive.

 

That said, I've lost about 50 pounds in the last year and am hoping to lose another 30 in the next few months (lots of work!)

 

If I have to say something about myself that I love..I have this freakishly weird shade of green eyes that always seem to pull compliments and my teeth are quite white naturally, plus I have freckles that some find charming. I used to have great breasts, but they have gone south somewhat and that has been stressing me out.

 

My ex has always been attracted to petite women. (he actually told me this..and he has only ever dated 2 women...me and HER *grrrr*!) And although I am short,I am not very petite.

 

His ex (now current..although he still considers himself to be single!!!!)however..IS petite, but to be frank..is not very attractive to the general public..but he finds her beautiful..she is also 10 years younger than him and I.(he also likes women who wear make-up and she wears none!) He is very concerned about his own weight constantly and is very focussed on his appearance. (this should have been a HUGE sign early on)...but he only ever wanted me to feel comfortable with him and at ease with him.

 

He is tall 6'4" and generally thin...but he works out his arms a lot and his legs, so they are rather muscular. He moisturizes and takes care of his skin...but rarely(never) brushes his teeth before bed! (this drove me INSANE) His face is really round..so he can occasionally look like a bobble head. Why did I find this attractive again?

[Cool Chick]

This is a great little thread.

 

I'm always self conscious since I was teased mercilessly as a child. That is something I have never totally gotten over. If I had to pick something about myself to like I would say....hmmm....strength. I’m strong for my size even if a do have a little layer over the muscle. I also have very blue eyes too.

 

As for the ex. When I look back the thing that always surprises me is that he was physically not the type of guy I would normally be attracted to. He was way overweight and had a belly that hung down….also, can you say man boobs? Mind you, he had great legs. He’s lost some weight over the last few months and I hope he’s able to keep it off for his own health’s sake. It’s one thing to having a few extra pounds, it’s quite another when you’re pushing 100lbs overweight. He would also get terrible breath sometimes and snored something fierce!

 

Cool Chick

[mark982]

gee. what's this fixation with being skinny?there's a ***** load of us guys who love women w/ some meat on their bones.

[e.clipse]

I wonder, do I love him because of that? Or do I love everything about him because I love him? The old question of the chicken and egg. I don't know.

oh, i have wondered that too. i have realized, though, that i was initially attracted to him for reasons i still can't quite pinpoint--maybe because he was nerdy looking and kind of shy, i don't know. after time, though, i grew to love him as much i possibly can, flaws and all.

 

so, i think the love made everything so much more beautiful and perfect.

 

and well, what do i like about myself? oh wow, this is hard.

 

i don't know. i think i am fat. i have grown a small belly and it makes me sad, especially because towards the end of our relationship, he would poke it. i felt like he was trying to tell me i was obese or something.

 

and i don't think i am very pretty in general. in fact, sometimes i wonder if things would have worked out if i was prettier. sometimes i feel like an ugly troll that just rose from under a dinky bridge.

 

oh and my hair sucks. it's rough. i try to soften it as much as possible with special conditioners, but it never is silky to the touch. not even close. that's why i almost always have it up.

 

so, no . . . i don't really like much of my physical appearance.

 

well, maybe my eyes. they are okay. my eyelashes are pretty long, and my eyes are pretty round. so, they look alright. i've been told they are pretty, but i don't know if i'd use such an adjective.

 

also, my legs are okay. it just sucks that they are too short. i wish they were a bit longer. but other than that, they are okay. i don't have any scars or anything on them and they are pretty smooth and milky-color. they have a nice shape, i think. so, them too.

 

that's it.

 

my exbf, well, my friends didn't think he was cute. that made me sad because i think he is the most handsome thing in the world. but maybe it is just me, though i don't think that is the case.

 

he is not very tall. he is 5'7" so there is that. most girls think that is too short, but i thought it was perfect.

 

he also has a belly, but i loved it. i thought it was so cute.

 

oh and he has rather skinny legs, which is a bit odd, considering his broad shoulders, chubby cheeks, and belly. but i also thought they were cute. haha. and i loved the chubby cheeks, especially when they got pink.

 

ah, and i loved his toes! they were kind of stubby and seemed to all be the same size, but i thought that was adorable.

 

and the fact that he has good facial hair but not a lot of chest hair was great, too.

 

hmm, what else? oh right, he also has a bit of an acne problem that comes and goes. it used to be more of a problem when he was in HS, but now that he is older, it has decreased substantially. nowadays, it seems he has pretty mild outburst of sorts when he eats certain foods.

 

the only thing, though, is that he has some "scars" on his face because of it. they are not that noticeable, but you can still see them. however, i didn't mind that one bit. (OH! that is another thing i like about me--my skin is pretty smooth. thank god.)

 

about his nether region . . . ahem.

 

so, yes...he is somewhat short and has a small belly. he wears thick glasses and has shaggy hair. his sense of style has greatly improved in the past few years. he stopped wearing those ugly checkered shirts some time ago, bc i told him they were ugly. he looks so much nicer, nowadays.

 

and while my friends may think he is not all that cute, i love him and i think he is the hottest man in the world. and it is no exaggeration.

 

i, on the other hand, can improve a whole lot.

[carrotgirl]

so, i think the love made everything so much more beautiful and perfect.

Yes!

 

My brothers will say I have a size requirement, I like big men. No, I'm not talking about endowment. Everyone who can read knows where I am with that anyway.

 

My mother said this years ago, that when I'm with a man, there's something that makes them want to be more and so they usually do get better looking in reality.

 

My closest girlfriends all made note again after they saw GD, I've never dated for looks. It's never about what they are on the outside.

 

So what about me? I'm beautiful. I have a great body. I like my hands.

 

But for a little while I've been purposely trying to be unattractive during off hours. I stopped exercising. I'm going out unwashed, unkempt, without makeup, hair stringy. I'm eating onions and then not brushing my teeth after. I want my appearance to match how I feel for once.

 

I'm tired of men chasing me and then not wanting me. So I've been trying to be really unattractive and wouldn't you know it. Stupid men. They seem to like it. Even GD seemed to like me gross. I wanted, want so badly to have a reason why GD doesn't want me.

 

Yah. That experiment was a failure. I got as much attention slovenly.

 

So this morning I had my teeth cleaned. Later this week I'll go see my stylist and get some decent clothes. I have a hair appointment this weekend. Next week I have an appointment with the cosmetic surgeon to the stars to make me gorgeous-er. For me. I like myself better without lines.

 

Carrot

[wyrllish]

Met my ex about 6 months after a pregnancy so she had more a lil meat(not overweight/chubby at all though) on her than she normally does. First time I saw her at work though I do remember thinking she had a big butt, but a nice one hehe. Not saying that's bad at all, hell I'm still in the process of losing weight, I liked the lil extra meat she had . One thing she said to me a while ago I will always remember,"I don't think i'm beautiful but you make me feel beautiful".

 

She has bad teeth and stretch marks but it never bothered me. So many other amazing things about her so I wouldn't dwell on it. She hates her nose, thinks it's too big, but for me...*shrug*

 

Oh yes she has amazing long slender legs , she's 5'9''. Loved her almost pale skin, cute feet, beautiful eyes. Cutest butt ever! Always joked that she had a ghetto booty for a white girl.

 

 

I'm not fully content w/ my body, really just want to lose more weight, well I would prefer smaller calves. All the men on the mother's side of the family have big legs. After I lose the weight I want to though I'll be more than happy.

 

Most of my ex's ex's were well in shape. Thinking of the past bf's she had...one was a marine, in the navy, and another a personal trainer. I'm getting there but not nearly as in shape as a marine lol. I was the first guy she was with that needed to lose some lbs I guess haha. She loved my face though always commented on that and my legs.

[spookie]

Well, if we're getting detailed...

 

I loved how thick, dark, and lustrous his hair was. The red sheen of it under the black. And the premature streaks of gray on the left.

 

I loved his eyes, which were huge and round and dark dark brown. And his stubble, which was never quite symmetrical.

 

I loved his proportions: long upper body with a small waist and very broad shoulders, short muscular legs, gigantic feet. His feet, I loved how they were hairy, peach-colored, and always completely clean (dirt seemed not to stick to them). I loved how he had just a couple of hairs on his chest, all near the right nipple. I loved his red-haired legs.

 

I loved the stretchmarks running across his back: scars from a tennage growth spurt.

 

I loved his freckles. And mole on his hand, with hair spurting out.

 

 

Never is a really big word, but I'm really afraid I'll never see him again.

Edited February 27, 2008 by spookie

[mistie03]

My ex-bf is very superficial. He has a killer bod, but underneath it all, he's not a very nice guy. He constantly scrutinized women and made negative remarks. He even made negative remarks about women that I think are beautiful (usually celebs). It used to make me wonder if he was thinking negative things about my appearance too. I'm sure he probably was.

 

I was a size 6 when we met. I'm now a size 10. I know he thought I have gotten too heavy. Screw him. I have been working out for the last month. It makes me feel so much better. Plus, when the warmer weather gets here, I'll feel better, slimmer, and really be ready to move on. I'm better off without him.

 

Even though my ex had a nice body, he used to tan a lot. I was seeing sun damage on his face, especially under his eyes. Also, he could have used a teeth whitening treatment.

 

Wow! That just made me feel better to point out a few of his imperfections. It was liberating. He was so negative, that sometimes I felt like I wasn't good enough.

 

I don't have any trouble attracting men, I somehow keep attracting the wrong ones. Now, I don't trust myself to do better. They are always so nice and flattering in the beginning. Uggh!

Edited February 28, 2008 by mistie03

[cant let go]

I think i have nice hair and great lips and smile. i like the small of my back when i am in shape and my shoulders. my legs are really thick and i hate that... especially my calves and ankles. i have huge feet. my butt is a little bigger than i'd like and my breasts are a little smaller than i would like.

 

my eyes are squinty and my eyebrows are a little wild. i have facial hair that i am constantly self conscious about and i need to remove almost daily. but really i feel the worst when i have a tummy... right now i'm 25 pounds lighter than i was with my ex but my tummy isn't as flat as it could be. i'm usually quite confident but when i was with my ex i was gaining a lot of weight and that made me very insecure.

 

when i met my ex he was in really good shape. very large muscular arms, great defined back and the best ass ever. he's not the best looking guy but to me he was the most beautiful person on earth. he has boyish looks with dark eyes and freckles that come out in the summer. his teeth have a gap and stick out a bit. i thought these things were endearing. i wasn't instantly attracted to my ex when i first met him. but after we had been friends for a while i found him to get more and more attractive everyday.

 

two weeks ago i started talking more to this guy who i think is seriously the hottest guy i have ever known my entire life. sparks flew from physical attraction and i'm finding now that he is really a cute personality inside too...bonus!! haha!!!

 

the one thing i will say that they both have in common and something that i find necessary for me to be attracted to anyone is a great big smile and a sense of humor. oh and the arms... i love the arms!!! haha